Conflict

[greencreeper]

I always seem to be in conflict with those I work with. Some terrible rows :( I've been given an ultimatum today - sort out the attitude because it cannot go on. Trouble is, I don't think I can. It's just how I am. But that begs the question, "Is there a job I can do". Very few lighthouses anymore. It's very draining and depressing.

[Maggy]

I always seem to be in conflict with those I work with. Some terrible rows :( I've been given an ultimatum today - sort out the attitude because it cannot go on. Trouble is, I don't think I can. It's just how I am. But that begs the question, "Is there a job I can do". Very few lighthouses anymore. It's very draining and depressing.

Please tell me you are not a drama queen?They are the sort that drive me up the wall.Or are you a total cynic.Now them I like.Give me a hard boiled totally ironic cynic any day.:D

[greencreeper]

Examples - it's a bit complicated but I'll try to keep it simple...

We have different teams. I might refer a fault log for an engineer to visit the customer. I cannot refer the log directly to the team that manages the engineers' schedules - I have to refer the fault log to an intermediate team (I'll call it "Blue") that looks at the log and decides if anything more can be done, before sending an engineer (basically to avoid wasted visits, which cost money). Most of my arguments centre around my disagreeing with Blue over whether more can be done or not. The other day I requested an engineer to look at a problem with an issue with a modem - dialling in remotely. It was refused because the equipment was not under maintenance with the company. I argued that we should send engineer in good faith - customer service and all that. In the end I just told the customer it was not supported. More recently, I have a server that had previously been rebuilt from scratch but was still blue screening. I did some work on it and it appeared to be still blue screening (unexpected shutdowns), so I referred for engineer. Big row because I did not put in the log exactly what I wanted the engineer to do. I argued that I didn't know what I wanted the engineer to do, and that I wasn't going to just say something/anything because I had to. I also argued that it wasn't for me to make big, expensive decisions that would inconvenience the customer, such as building a loan server and bringing the customer's server into the workshop for monitoring.

I also have arguments with my manager (female). So, for example, she asked that I give a customer a courtesy call only two days after they last spoke to us. So I said it was too soon and best to wait. Balloon went up over that - questioning her judgement, bla bla.

Like said - has been the same for every job I have done.

[homealone]

Learn to play their game, I know you have standards, etc, you don't like compromising, but it gets you through tomorrow - that is enough, for now ;)

[MovedGoalPosts]

Often it is not just what you are saying, it's how you are saying it - body language and all that sort of stuff.

Having said that I've got one person in my office who will fly off the handle if you just leave a Post it Note on something asking them to give you a 5 second answer of have we been paid on this or not - they are our accounts department :erm:

Can you try and change the tone of your voice, your stance when speaking face to face, or think carefully about the wording so it's less demanding assertive or abrubt.

[Maggy]

Also at the end of the day you are there to represent the firm not the customer.If the firm is shortsighted about what constitutes customer care that's their look out..Your boss has decided what is to be done and you need to do it.

Some battles just cannot be fought.:shrug:

[greencreeper]

Yeah - I think I'm missing the genes that enable me to do that whole smaltz/cheesy thing where you kiss ass with the managers. Smalk talk over the custard creams at the AGM, and all that. The trouble with putting on an act, or more likely, one of several acts depending on who you're talking to, is that it's not maintainable and it just doesn't sit easy with me. Sigh :( I can't be falsely nice.


Also at the end of the day you are there to represent the firm not the customer
I think that there are times when you have to stand up for the customer, even though you represent the firm. I just have a strong sense of doing the right thing - or at least trying to. I forget about profit. Anyway - they don't pay me enough to lie :p:


Some battles just cannot be fought.:shrug:
I think some battles shouldn't be fought, and some cannot be won. I good general picks his battles. I'm just a Private :D

---------- Post added at 00:16 ---------- Previous post was at 00:14 ----------

I also think emails are a big problem - my writing style is naturally very terse, so people read that as me being terse with them. Usually come across as abrupt or even rude.

[danielf]

I'm afraid the advise posted so far sounds right to me. If this is a recurrent problem in different jobs/with different people, it sounds like you question other people a bit too much (or have been very unlucky with the people you work with). Perhaps you need to go with the flow a bit more and ask fewer questions.

The courtesy call thingy also raises a few questions.

I also have arguments with my manager (female). So, for example, she asked that I give a customer a courtesy call only two days after they last spoke to us. So I said it was too soon and best to wait. Balloon went up over that - questioning her judgement, bla bla.

You posted 'I said it was too soon and best to wait'. I obviously don't know what you actually said, but perhaps: Are you sure? We last called them two days ago? would be less confrontational and give the manager a chance to explain/let you know it was her call without things blowing up.

[greencreeper]

So the concensus is that GC should think carefully prior to opening his yapper, or writing an email. Not going to be easy :( I'm me. Sigh.

[danielf]

So the concensus is that GC should think carefully prior to opening his yapper, or writing an email. Not going to be easy :( I'm me. Sigh.

Well, given that you've been given an ultimatum, I'm afraid you have little choice. Sorry :(

Or you could emigrate to Holland, where this type of behaviour is the norm :D

[Escapee]

A few of us had a problem in the last place I worked, it was a very nice friendly environment until they employed an ex-army guy. Within a very short period I could tell he was going to be trouble, he managed to get to of his army mates jobs there and then the fun really started.

I got very stressed about them and sat back even though I was senior to them, one guy who had been on he sick due to stress on a previous occassion went off long term sick. (eventually finished) The morale in the department went from a previous happy situation where everyone would help everyone to a situation that was like two teams of opposing football supporters in one room.

I took it for about 6 months and then exploded, I played them at their own game. I was downright rude and abusive to them, the other guys all encouraged me. The big turning poing was when one of them started sla**ing me off in a meeting with managers from other departments present and a director. I played it cool and didn't use my normal "have a go" tactics.
The director started defending me, and the ex-army guy strated slagging me off all the more. The director said "we will take this outside this meeting" but the guy just wouldn't shut up. My tactics over the previous couple of months had made the guy loose his cool, and not rising to his comments in the meeting made him very angry.

The guy ended up getting a verbal warning, when I put my notice in to leave they had the flags out. Straight away there was an email from the ex-army ring leader starting off with "Now that the situation has changed"
the guy was nobody, but in traditional ex-army tactics he was trying to take control of the whole department through bullying tactics. The ex-airforce guy I worked with said "I wish I could speak to them like you do" As I said to him, I wouldn't speak to people like that if they showed me some respect.

I understand since I have left these guys have been playing up, but the manager and director now have control of the situation. I understand the one asked for my job when I left, but he didn't atand a chance.
I now get involved with a lot of people from the MOD, and if I mention this over a couple of beers to a Major, WO1 etc they always nod their head and say something like "Thats squaddies for you, come into industry as a worker and try to take control by poking their nose in and ordering everone about"

I now have to interface with quite a few ex-forces in my new job, but I have learnt to stamp my authority early on. If you stand upto them they will revert to what squaddies are good at "Taking orders"

Dont put up with it in the workplace, it is sometimes good to explode but other times you just have to be very crafty.

[etccarmageddon]

So the concensus is that GC should think carefully prior to opening his yapper, or writing an email. Not going to be easy :( I'm me. Sigh.the curtesy call thing sounds right, 2 days is fine. a customer will be flattered you phoned them as you showing concern is a good thing. you sound like someone I work with how thinks they are 'fighting for the customer' - often he's a right royal pain because you start to wonder whose side he's on/where is loyalty lies. arguing can be done calmly and this is obviously where you fail - if you put your point accross the right way you get more respect.

[greencreeper]

Stressful day at work - boss has been off with me all day. Two snotty emails from her. I think women should be more open about their periods, so we know when they are and can take avoidance measures :D Another argument is brewing - stage is set. Going to be rough tomorrow. It's mad - it's like a rollercoaster when the safety bars are locked. No getting off. You try to avoid a row but no - happens regardless.

[Chimaera]

Can't you just smile at her through gritted teeth? Buy her a bunch of (cheap) flowers and tell her it's a present to celebrate the weekend - it's guaranteed to make her smile, or wonder what the hell you are up to!

[Maggy]

Stressful day at work - boss has been off with me all day. Two snotty emails from her. I think women should be more open about their periods, so we know when they are and can take avoidance measures :D Another argument is brewing - stage is set. Going to be rough tomorrow. It's mad - it's like a rollercoaster when the safety bars are locked. No getting off. You try to avoid a row but no - happens regardless.

Yeah!When we do this however it opens us up to all sorts of male chauvenistic piggery...:(

Besides which the bad mood maybe because she's a crap boss with an even crappier and crabbier boss behind her.:erm:

[Shaun]

Get another job GC and then tell the snotty bitch to **** off. I wanted to do that at Natwest when I left - unfortunatly my manager was off the day I left so I sent an email to her boss telling her why I left and what a bully the old trout was! :erm:

Made me feel good. :D

[greencreeper]

It's not her - it's me. At odds with a world where duplicity is required to exist. I also have a whole raft of faults. I'm not perfect and I want to be - probably my biggest fault. How do you continue to exist when you both cannot exist and cannot not exist. I can't change but I don't see a place for me.

[Maggy]

It's not her - it's me. At odds with a world where duplicity is required to exist. I also have a whole raft of faults. I'm not perfect and I want to be - probably my biggest fault. How do you continue to exist when you both cannot exist and cannot not exist. I can't change but I don't see a place for me.

But GC we all feel we don't fit in..That we are out of step.It's perfectly normal.:erm:

The trouble is you care TOO much..if you could just not worry about getting the job done to your satisfaction and just_sit_on_your_hands.

Though to be honest once a boss has it in fer you then you are basically stuffed.

Perhaps a job where you work from home..avoiding any direct contact would be best...:)