Any News on

[Florence]

I have been wondering how Stuartbe is he hasn't been back on the forums since he found out the thread for advice was removed. I am worried as I feel the way he was it would have been better to leave his lifeline and remove all posts after and including the one informing us that he was alright.

I am worried for him and would like to know he is alright?

[Timeless Stew]

It appears that his account has been deleted. Furthermore look

http://www.cableforum.co.uk/board/showthread.php?t=47932&page=6

etcarmageddon welcomes a "stuart" back. Anybody can shed some light?

[Kliro]

Looks like he can still post...

[Enuff]

The last post from stuartbe that I read didnt sound very good (actually, he sounded real desperate). Although he did mention that he was going to stay with a family member. I do hope he's ok. Has anybody heard from him since that post?

[Graham M]

Maybe Stuart re-registered and made that post and got deleted again *shrugs* maybe a member of the team could shed some light though I'd understand if otherwise?

[Florence]

That is why I am worried wish he would get intouch and let us know he is safe.

Any mods still have a way to contact him MSN or something to find out he is alright.

[gaffer_gump]

Yeah that last thread he posted over a few hrs was real worrying, I had a read while doing a night shift at work but it had been deleted by the morning.

[Druchii]

Read his last post, it was desperate, read and saved his 46 page thread, that got worse over time, but the information in it was about him being found with a small breakdwon or something.

He should be with a family member now, and i reckon he'll be just fine in a few weeks.

[Chimaera]

Yep - he's fine. Well sort of. I'm in contact with him, I spoke to him last week (before all this escalated) and I've had emails from him - the last one was yesterday.
I should be in contact with him later - I'll tell him he's got another thread!

[Mick]

I feel the way he was it would have been better to leave his lifeline.

I don't Florence - for the simple reason and I don't mean to sound as if I couldn't of cared less which isn't the case, however, that thread was becoming more and more intense and we were having to pay more attention to that thread than any other thread and this isn't fair for both Stuart and other members. Stuart needs a lot of help and he isn't going to get it by visiting this forum or any internet forum. He needs the physical contact from a human being to counsel him and talk to him, you cannot get any emotional comfort from words on a screen, better than you can than someone sat, one-to-one with you.

At the end of the day, there is only so much we or any one of us can do, we cannot have a thread which dominates and takes precedence over anything and everything else on this forum. It was quite obvious that after 600+ posts that existed in that thread, Stuart wasn't feeling any better, and from his last postings which only few members saw will probably agree with me, he appeared to be much worse off. You have to ask was is it doing more harm than good? .... Looking at it from a long term period, rather than a short one, I would say it wasn't doing Stuart any real favours.

[gaffer_gump]

Stuart wasn't feeling any better, and from his last postings which only few members saw will probably agree with me, he appeared to be much worse off.

Agreed :(

[Druchii]

Agreed :( Seconded too. Shame as everyone did indeed try.

[Maggy]

I said right from the beginning that Stu need a doctor more than he needed us.He is very ill and needs professional help.We are not equipped to help him at CF.:erm:

The best way to help Stu is for all of us who have some other form of contact with him is to send him our regards at intervals and let him know he is not forgotten.:tu:

[zing_deleted]

I personally think Stu should have just spoken to a few people he knew he could trust on here rather than in open forum. I know from first handle experience as do most of us how painful things can get in life.Stu is in a mess and does need help but he needs 1 to 1 councilling not 1 to 100's as differing opinions and advice will only lead to confusion. I wish you well Stu im sure you will read these posts but if not if someone close to him could pass my thoughts and wishes on.But I feel this should be a chosen few not a whole lot of us as I seriously dont think it help

[Mick]

I said right from the beginning that Stu need a doctor more than he needed us.He is very ill and needs professional help.We are not equipped to help him at CF.:erm:

I don't know of anyone who is trained and or has qualifications to deal with this on the forum. Even so, I would say it was impossible to counsel someone through a computer screen - this has to be treated in a sensitive way. Stu's craving for comfort from more and more people on this forum was getting more and more intense. Stu needs that human contact, one-to-one support and as I said personally to the rest of the team, he will not ever get this on an internet forum for very obvious reasons, this being, that you cannot assess someones actual emotional needs without actually being there to see them face to face.

[Florence]

Agreed he did need to seek proffesional help Mick but he was starting to get this help he had visited the doctor and with his posts we did know he was safe even though he was still in need of help.
Now we have no contact and can only wonder what has since happened.

There is no thread to keep asking about him like the missing members thread persoanlly I wouild like to hear he has safe and having treatment. I have spent 2 yrs safeguarding a friend from herself contacting emergency services and getting them to her house intime to save her, All this was onlt through my constant online help and chats to her. Now she has had her help and still keeps intouch but I know she is safe. With Stu I don't know he is safe.

[Druchii]

Agreed he did need to seek proffesional help Mick but he was starting to get this help he had visited the doctor and with his posts we did know he was safe even though he was still in need of help. Now we have no contact and can only wonder what has since happened. There is no thread to keep asking about him like the missing members thread persoanlly I wouild like to hear he has safe and having treatment. I have spent 2 yrs safeguarding a friend from herself contacting emergency services and getting them to her house intime to save her, All this was onlt through my constant online help and chats to her. Now she has had her help and still keeps intouch but I know she is safe. With Stu I don't know he is safe. There are still members who keep in touch with him, i'm not one of them, however just asking who is, and PM'ing them every now and again to find out how he is should be ok.

[Russ]

I don't wish to sound heartless but it sounded to me like Stu needs more help than CF could ever hope to provide. I viewed his thread on here to be counterproductive to his needs. I have all the sympathy in the world for him but I couldn't help feel his posting about it here only made him worse.

This of course is my own opinion and does not neccessarily reflect that of the CF team.

[Maggy]

I don't wish to sound heartless but it sounded to me like Stu needs more help than CF could ever hope to provide. I viewed his thread on here to be counterproductive to his needs. I have all the sympathy in the world for him but I couldn't help feel his posting about it here only made him worse.

This of course is my own opinion and does not neccessarily reflect that of the CF team.

I agree with you entirely.

However the odd message from us to let him know that we are thinking of him from time to time can't hurt his progress.:)

[Chimaera]

Agreed he did need to seek proffesional help Mick but he was starting to get this help he had visited the doctor and with his posts we did know he was safe even though he was still in need of help.
Now we have no contact and can only wonder what has since happened.

There is no thread to keep asking about him like the missing members thread persoanlly I wouild like to hear he has safe and having treatment. I have spent 2 yrs safeguarding a friend from herself contacting emergency services and getting them to her house intime to save her, All this was onlt through my constant online help and chats to her. Now she has had her help and still keeps intouch but I know she is safe. With Stu I don't know he is safe.
He is safe as I stated in my earlier post and is hoping to see a counsellor soon. I'll pass on everyone's good wishes next time I'm in contact with him.

[smicer07]

This is from Stu, to everyone here :)


Dear All

This is just a quick note I have asked to be posted to let you know what is going on.

I am o.k. at the moment, have been having a few bad days but I am holding it together. I am no longer a member f the forum so you all know. I am unable to recive PM's

I just wanted to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all the support you have all given me over the years. I would not have made it without you.

I wish you all the very best, Have fun, Take care and I hope to see you all again when I am better.

I miss you all, You are wonderfull kind people and I owe a lot to you.

All my love.

Stu.

[Florence]

Thank you Simon and tell Stu I am thinking about him.

[Jules]

Send him my best as well and I hope he is feeling better soon, I am going to miss seeing him around :(

[Florence]

Send him my best as well and I hope he is feeling better soon, I am going to miss seeing him around :(

I passed on your wishes Jules to Stu he is ok and keeping busy, He asked me to thank you. He also missses the forum and friends on here .

[MadGamer]

Send him my best as well and I hope he is feeling better soon, I am going to miss seeing him around :(

I passed on your wishes Jules to Stu he is ok and keeping busy, He asked me to thank you. He also missses the forum and friends on here .

Is there a chance that he'll come back, when he is better?

[Nugget]

I passed on your wishes Jules to Stu he is ok and keeping busy, He asked me to thank you. He also missses the forum and friends on here .

Hi Flo (and a belated happy birthday, by the way :) ),

Could you give Stu my regards next time you're in touch with him as well? Oh, and tell him that he's got my e-mail address, and he's more than welcome to use it whenever he wants (in fact, I'll be miffed if he doesn't ;).

Thanks

[Florence]

Hi Nugget I will tell him later tonight you asked, madgamer he is sad he cant come to the forums he misses everyone here, I hope he can return one day as he has some good friends on here.

[iSteve]

Regarding comments here to the effect 'words on a screen can't help him', I have to disagree. 'Words on a screen' can be very powerful. People fall in love through 'words on a screen' - that's how I met my wife and we have been married for over four years now. Some people, especially the shier types, find it easier to communicate this way, and can take great comfort from knowing there are people out there that care about there situation.

During a rather difficult period of my own childhood, I had nobody in my 'real life' to turn to. Online support and friendships sustained me and kept me going through this dark period and were a lot more help than my so-called 'real friends' and even my own family.

And from what PM's and posts I've read from Stu, his own 'real life friends' and family don't seem to be being too much help to him, either.

And as for counselling, that's no panacea. Counsellors are human too, they're not a cure all. Having a Ph.D. after their name doesn't mean they have all the answers and can wave a major wand and 'fix' you. In my own experiences with counselling I find it provides a forum for you to air your feelings but ultimately it's down to you to fix yourself. Tablets, too, aren't necessarily the solution. We seem to expect that a 'professional' or a 'pill' will solve Stu's problem. They may well not.

But what can also help, is knowing there are friends who care about you, who you can talk to, and understand what you're going through.

While I can understand an ongoing thread might be seen as counter-productive to everyone else here, and a lot of work for the mods, I have to disagree that the thread was somehow 'unhelpful' to Stu or that we are 'doing him a favour' by cutting off this option and insisting he goes down the medication route.

Finally, can whoever is in contact with Stu let him know that I have PM'd him but it would seem he never got it and now I have no way to contact him. I also know he was planning to SMS me - unfortunately my charger has been 'taken on holiday' with my parents and I am unable to check for messages etc. Please can someone let him know and that I will be able to send/receive texts again on Friday.

I sincerely hope that Stu gets through all this, I'm sure he'll pull through. And again while I understand the mod's decision and respect it I very much disagree it was the right thing to cut off that option to him - anyone who found the thread distressing always has the option to ignore the thread.

[Mick]

I sincerely hope that Stu gets through all this, I'm sure he'll pull through. And again while I understand the mod's decision and respect it I very much disagree it was the right thing to cut off that option to him - anyone who found the thread distressing always has the option to ignore the thread.

Yes they could - but the team couldn't ignore it and as I said above - after 600+ posts, Stu was getting no better and members who saw Stu's last post (Not many saw it) it was a situation that had to end and could no longer continue.

Stu is welcome to come back when he feels ready and I don't mean in a few days time. It is going to take time for Stuart to get well again, to be ready to post and be the helpful, knowledgeable poster that Stu was.

[gaffer_gump]

I don't think anyone who saw the post Stu made can fail to really feel for the guy, but the ones that didn't then it's hard to explain why he went away for a while.

I for one wish him all the best and I'm sure he will come bouncing back.

[iSteve]

I must admit, I don't think I saw the post you folks must be referring to. I trust it must have been serious for the mods to have pulled the plug like that. I'm sorry if any mod took offense to what I said but I did feel it important to note that we should never dismiss the difference good friends can make in a crisis, the fact they are online or offline is not nearly so important as the quality of their advice and the levels of empathy and understanding shown to them. I know many people here have given Stu a lot of very potent and helpful advice and I hope he pulls through.

Again, no disrespect mean to the mods here, just wanted to emphasise how important good friendships can be, online or not :)

[Florence]

I was chatting to Stu last night ( well more very early this morning) He is doing well and trying to keep busy. He looks foprward to coming back and posting on the forums.

This will take time for Stu to recover from and those who are talking to him will know he is trying to work through this. On the good side Sarah is still in contact with Stu so she might be able to help him as a friend.

I know we all wish him the best and a speedy recovery from all this.

[Druchii]

Indeed we do Florence.

Hope he's ok soon :)

[Maggy]

Indeed we do Florence.

Hope he's ok soon :)

It's going to take a while...But then better he makes a slow but complete recovery..:tu:

[Nugget]

Will you wish him all the best from the family Nug? Oh, and tell him to answer his e-mails ;) :)

[Jules]

Thanks for the update I was wondering last night how he was doing

[Florence]

I think he had a bad night last night and I can only hope he had a better day today. Havent spoken to him since last night.

[iSteve]

Thanks for the update, Flo. I have been in touch with Stu by e-mail a few times recently too, like Flo says, he is finding it very hard at times but he's getting through it slowly. I know that he misses this forum a lot and the people here but hopes he can get over all this and move on, and I'm sure he will then be back.

[Druchii]

Oh, i've no doubt he will be back. Just hopefully when he is ok, and everythings alright.

[Florence]

Had a chat with Stu tonight and he is getting there I think. He has had a tough few days and Gem has tried to mess him up but he seems o.k.

He really needs a good nights sleep and he could feel much better.


Nugget he thinks he has answered your email, if he hasnt send him another and I am sure he will reply.

[Nugget]

Had a chat with Stu tonight and he is getting there I think. He has had a tough few days and Gem has tried to mess him up but he seems o.k.

He really needs a good nights sleep and he could feel much better.


Nugget he thinks he has answered your email, if he hasnt send him another and I am sure he will reply.

Thanks for that Flo - I guess it's his work e-mail I've got, so I'll send him another :)

[Chris]

Guys, all Stu threads prior to this one have been closed for very good, well-publicised reasons. I can see no need for this one to continue now. Those who are close to Stu are already in touch with him so can hear his news first hand. Those who are not but who would like to can see from this thread who is in touch with him and take it from there.

Can I please ask that any further discussion on this subject is kept entirely, and without exception, to the PM system. If you really think you need to publish something, please clear it with the team first.