View Full Version : I feel...
I want to ask you guys and gals your opinions on something that has been getting to me for the past few weeks, and peaked this weekend.
As you could've guessed from a few hints i've dropped in one or two posts i split with my ex girlfriend Janurary 2nd, but, i still keep thinking of her, and still feel everything for her. Everything i used to feel is still there and seems to be multiplied by tenfold.
I want to ask you all if this is normal after 4months to still think about someone so much, i mean i saw her this weekend and we sat around watching movies, went for a stroll around the city centre at 1am. And ended up holding hands. Just like old times.
Am i being stupid to htink i could still manage to get back with her, as she lives about 25miles away (26.3 to be exact [mapping program to thank for that one])
Help.. :(
greencreeper
23-04-2006, 22:52
I still carry a torch for the first guy I fooled around with and really fancied - that was a decade ago. I still go funny inside when I catch sight of someone that looked like he did back then. I guess it takes time for feelings to fade, or for new ones to take their place :shrug:
[Disclaimer: no expert in matters of the heart. Awful track record]
It's not wrong to still think about someone. Each person needs different amounts of time to be able to move on.
The fact that you are meeting up with her and she seems to be accpeting this holding hands and stuff seems to give you some hope but girls (as I've found out myself) can be very hard to read so you really need to know how she feels about the whole situation.
Is she trying to move on ? Does she have a new boyfriend ?
If you want to get back with her you need to know what she thinks about it too, before you can go any more forward with this.
Ask her if there is a chance of you starting again.
If she says no, then its time to let things go. It's hard but it does get easier over time.
Good luck.
PS: Love can be the greatest yet most annoying thing at times.
It messes with your head totally.
It does get better with time so good luck with everything.
...and this is whats called caring :) ofcourse a person can never 'get over' someone instantly, how long had you previously gone out with this person, its perfectly natural to feel what your feeling, i dont think anyone can totally 'let go' of thier feelings for someone they will always be there but fade slightly as time goes by, just enjoy the moments you have as freinds, i know its not enough but maybe there can be reconcilliation in the future, dont hold out for that though, just move forward and enjoy the moments with her.
I still carry a torch for the first guy I fooled around with and really fancied - that was a decade ago. I still go funny inside when I catch sight of someone that looked like he did back then. I guess it takes time for feelings to fade, or for new ones to take their place :shrug:
I'm like that as well, if i see someone who even looks remotely like her my heart jumps.
(No disclaimers needed btw, we all have bad times, and good ones, i know that at least now)
Is she trying to move on ?
She has said to a few of her friends she's trying her best to move on, but every now and again wishes she hadn't ended it with me. Which also gives me a little hope.
Does she have a new boyfriend ?
She's had 2 since me, and everytime she's come to me with her problems, which is what i always told her to do. One lasted 2 weeks. the other 3 weeks, one of the contributing factors to her ending that one was a kiss we shared about 3 weeks ago. I got a text that same night asking me if the kiss meant anything to me, as it did to her. Once more this gives me hope.
...and this is whats called caring :)
And that just put a smile on my face :) thanks. In fact your whole post reinforced relationship goodness. And has made me think of just trying to enjoy things.
It's clear there still are some feelings between you both. you've just got to live life and see if it leads to anything happening.
I wish you all the best.
gaffer_gump
24-04-2006, 10:01
Good luck mate,
Just a thought really, you have to sort the reason for the breakup in the first place otherwise it maybe a get together formed out of habit and not luv, you gotta talk talk and talk to each other as in my humble opinion and to my cost the other half anit a mind reader...
Either way it hurts like a mofo and no there is no set time BUT it does get less and less. :)
smicer07
24-04-2006, 10:07
It's normal mate.
You'll still feel the same until you break all ties probably:(
I had this with my last boyfriend, we stayed friends, but were a lot closer than normal friends and i still loved him, it could only end because we had a massive argument and he started going out with someone from our work, giving me the chance to move on away from him...
We are friends now though, even though i don't like his girlfriend she's sooo annoying:D
Just a thought really, you have to sort the reason for the breakup in the first place otherwise it maybe a get together formed out of habit and not luv, you gotta talk talk and talk to each other as in my humble opinion and to my cost the other half anit a mind reader...
The original break-up reason as said by her was that i was too clingy, and, i'm guilty as charged. I've tried to lay off things alot more, and it seems to be benefitting us both, just reading the other thread on relationship problems gave me some help too. We do talk alot, and the amount of time on the phone just seems to increase weekly. Like old itme when we spent 4hours talking solid, god knows what we talked about but it was all good, and we did get along really well. I always had a smile on my face afterwards :)
it could only end because we had a massive argument That's exactly what happened on my 17th birthday, we literally threw everything we had at eachother, later that night when she'd gone home i just texted her saying it shouldn't have been that way. 3 days later and we were laughing about it, and started sorting some of the problems that were highlighted in our argument.
Today however, i'm thankful i posted this here as you all know what to say, and how to advise with the looks of it :)
This was a 10month relationship lasting from when i was 4 days over sixteen. I used to wonder if i was too young to feel thios way about someone ?
i think your the right age certainly at 16 to have feelings, arguments happen everyday 'loverstiffs' but the one thing that you must remember is that disagreements will always happen in any relationship, indeed relationships themselves have to have what i call 'give and take' to reconcile is the best thing you can do, its about being rational about things.
situational awareness and control are the key points in a relationship, you have to know what the other person is feeling to sort your own feelings out.
love makes people do strange things but the one thing i have learned is that you miust take heed to the other person, what he or she feels, its good to talk about feelings, but remember dont make things too uncomfortable for the other person, switch subjects if things get too tempered.
Ok after a talk about relationships yesterday with her (albeit a brief one) it seems she was worried about getting drunk and cheating, which, i have to say she did this to me in France.. And i felt guilty, so i reassured her that she was drunk and so i could, and did forgive her. etc. T'was all going well, we've been texting today, had a laugh... But, i've noticed this now...
This hasn't happened since i was first going out with her, but i now get butterflies when i try and call her? I get them that bad that i can't actually press the dial key on my phone... I don't believe it.
Just thought i'd get this off my chest so to speak, and ask, has this happened to you lot before? Seems kinda wierd to me.
I felt exactly the same about someone I met, she dumped me and I was very bad over it for a long time. I guess I am still not fully over the situation, and it didn't help when she phoned me after two years to tell me how much she is missing me. She witheld her number and claimed she was coming to see me soon, apart from another load of silent calls I have heard nothing since. (4 months)
I think she makes the silent calls to see if a woman answers, she made two silent calls when my girlfriend was here on her own and then got her young daughter to phone at mod night asking my girlfriend "who are you"
I guess I will never be fully over her, after all the hate that followed the split when she dumped me, she has proved she has feelings and admitted she was very jealous when she saw me out with another woman. She gave me the impression she expected to walk back into my life, but I was not very accomodating with that idea.
Splitting can be painful and can take ages to get over, opening up the wounds after two years makes things much worse.
I felt exactly the same about someone I met, she dumped me and I was very bad over it for a long time. I guess I am still not fully over the situation, and it didn't help when she phoned me after two years to tell me how much she is missing me. She witheld her number and claimed she was coming to see me soon, apart from another load of silent calls I have heard nothing since. (4 months) I think she makes the silent calls to see if a woman answers, she made two silent calls when my girlfriend was here on her own and then got her young daughter to phone at mod night asking my girlfriend "who are you" I guess I will never be fully over her, after all the hate that followed the split when she dumped me, she has proved she has feelings and admitted she was very jealous when she saw me out with another woman. She gave me the impression she expected to walk back into my life, but I was not very accomodating with that idea. Splitting can be painful and can take ages to get over, opening up the wounds after two years makes things much worse. Agreed, especially taking a while... and reopening wounds.
I phoned her in the end, and had a cracking chat, lasted 2hours. And all went well, managed to clear somethings up about one of her ex's (Yep, still worry about them... lol)
Thanks for the support of everyone here though.
BigDave1
27-04-2006, 23:25
If she is holding your hand then I would take that as a sign she may want to get back together.
I mean, does a boy and a girl who are just friends hold hands? Unlikely.
If she is holding your hand then I would take that as a sign she may want to get back together. I mean, does a boy and a girl who are just friends hold hands? Unlikely. Ah, you're not from the same friend group i am then, i often see mates holding hands in Sheffield, usually one boy one girl though :) (thankfully, might get worried otherwise)
Cheers for taking a peek BigDave, seems we're having problems these days... Oh well.
Just got a lovely text from her actually, apologising for going off the phone, and saying goodnight. Not had a goodnight text in about 6months... So i was even happier.
I'm sure when i was messing about she said "i love u 2"... Not sure whether i heard it right though :( That would have been the be all and end all for me. I would of known... But, my mobile rang at roughly the same time... Crap.
well my freind take it easy, be cautious stay alert, treat her right and you never know whats round the corner :)
well my freind take it easy, be cautious stay alert, treat her right and you never know whats round the corner :) Always alert here ;) Always.
Thanks for the advice, she's stopping over next friday night, and i'm possibley at hers saturday night. So it might give us chance to get a little closer.
:tu:
i hope you get what you deserve :) and always pay attention :D
Always alert here ;) Always. Thanks for the advice, she's stopping over next friday night, and i'm possibley at hers saturday night. So it might give us chance to get a little closer. :tu: I think you are owed an update to this.
Well, the friday in question never happened, i shall explain why below.
We were keeping contact up, getting closer and closer, and then i thought we were flirting a little too much, so i backed out a tiny bit, we were still talking loads. The friday before she was meant to ocme over came round and things were going fine.
The saturday we got talking over MSN, and she was getting ready to go to her friends 18th birthday party about an hour form where she lives. She put the webcam on, and she was wearing the dress i'd bought her, she asked me how she looked, and it was absolutely stunning. She then asked me how she should have her hair, up, down, curly? so i told her it was between up and down as curly would make her late for the party. I flipped a coin 3 times and it came back as hair up. So, she put it up, and she looked fantastic. We joked about drunken phonecalls that usally occur when each of us goes out, we nearly always ring eachother and chat when we're drunk, i have no idea why, we just do.
Well, i got no phonecall that night, and just 2 completely wierd texts, one claiming that BOY1 was annoying her (one of her ex's) and that she'd gotten with BOY2 (another lad). And then sent a text saying it wasn't her who'd gotten with BOY2 afterall. Needless to say my heart was still pounding a little.
Anywho, she rang me sunday morning, and asked me if i was ok, and if she'd mentioned a guy cos someone kept texting her. I told her yeah, she'd mentioned the person who had turned 18s ex. I left it at that, and we had a chat, the day was just like any other :)
It came to sunday and i'd decided to tell her how i feel, so i let it all out. I then noticed her MSN name had changed to say she loved BOY2. I was devastated. She said why couldn't i just move on. I asked her why we were holding hands, and why she'd told me she missed me, her reply... "That was last week". I couldn't help it. I just signed out. And sat crying for about an hour. I couldn't feel any worse. She then sent me a text asking me why i signed out. And that she didn't want me to sign out. I just told her it would have hurt too much to keep talking.
An hour or so later i got a text saying she couldn't bear to be friends with me any more, and that she wasn't talking to me. I rang her, asking why we couldn't be friends, and why she wanted the truth when she knew it would upset her. It was horrible, i wasted £11 in that phonecall.
A week passed, the only text i sent her was "Night". Since then, it was nothing at all.
However after spending a week without contact where i kept wondering how she was and worrying about her, she finally got back in touch on MSN. As if nothign had ever happened. I'm still a little distraught... And i still care for her, but i feel numbed now. I dunno what to do, we got talking about BOY2 and it tunred out they'd been going out since the nioght of the party. and that he smoked weed and usually smelt of stale alcohol... She said she's never seen hm when he's not stoned, and she hates how he drinks so much, yet she loves him ? supposedly anyway.
Just, well, thats my update.
There are worse problems on this board i know, but mine is still painful.
you know what, it seems this person just wants to play with your feelings, my opinion is she seems a mixed up person who will go out with people then drop them over anything, my advice stay as freinds, but dont make things get any closer, unless you talk and she is full comitted to you and you only.
I agree with Kronas.
I used to know someone like that who would want you one week and then just dimiss you completly the next.
She is either very confused, or more likely not knowing what she wants and just wants to flirt with anyone she likes for the fun of it.
These people dont realise how it affects the other person and gives false hope.
I think you need to move on as any little sign of hope could just then be blown away again and you'd feel even more upset.
Although you could try to remain friends, it can be too painful and keep you in this land of hope when you both know nothing else will happen. Sometimes it's just best to move on.
I wish you all the best.
orangebird
09-05-2006, 11:15
I think you are owed an update to this.
Well, the friday in question never happened, i shall explain why below.
We were keeping contact up, getting closer and closer, and then i thought we were flirting a little too much, so i backed out a tiny bit, we were still talking loads. The friday before she was meant to ocme over came round and things were going fine.
The saturday we got talking over MSN, and she was getting ready to go to her friends 18th birthday party about an hour form where she lives. She put the webcam on, and she was wearing the dress i'd bought her, she asked me how she looked, and it was absolutely stunning. She then asked me how she should have her hair, up, down, curly? so i told her it was between up and down as curly would make her late for the party. I flipped a coin 3 times and it came back as hair up. So, she put it up, and she looked fantastic. We joked about drunken phonecalls that usally occur when each of us goes out, we nearly always ring eachother and chat when we're drunk, i have no idea why, we just do.
Well, i got no phonecall that night, and just 2 completely wierd texts, one claiming that BOY1 was annoying her (one of her ex's) and that she'd gotten with BOY2 (another lad). And then sent a text saying it wasn't her who'd gotten with BOY2 afterall. Needless to say my heart was still pounding a little.
Anywho, she rang me sunday morning, and asked me if i was ok, and if she'd mentioned a guy cos someone kept texting her. I told her yeah, she'd mentioned the person who had turned 18s ex. I left it at that, and we had a chat, the day was just like any other :)
It came to sunday and i'd decided to tell her how i feel, so i let it all out. I then noticed her MSN name had changed to say she loved BOY2. I was devastated. She said why couldn't i just move on. I asked her why we were holding hands, and why she'd told me she missed me, her reply... "That was last week". I couldn't help it. I just signed out. And sat crying for about an hour. I couldn't feel any worse. She then sent me a text asking me why i signed out. And that she didn't want me to sign out. I just told her it would have hurt too much to keep talking.
An hour or so later i got a text saying she couldn't bear to be friends with me any more, and that she wasn't talking to me. I rang her, asking why we couldn't be friends, and why she wanted the truth when she knew it would upset her. It was horrible, i wasted £11 in that phonecall.
A week passed, the only text i sent her was "Night". Since then, it was nothing at all.
However after spending a week without contact where i kept wondering how she was and worrying about her, she finally got back in touch on MSN. As if nothign had ever happened. I'm still a little distraught... And i still care for her, but i feel numbed now. I dunno what to do, we got talking about BOY2 and it tunred out they'd been going out since the nioght of the party. and that he smoked weed and usually smelt of stale alcohol... She said she's never seen hm when he's not stoned, and she hates how he drinks so much, yet she loves him ? supposedly anyway.
Just, well, thats my update.
There are worse problems on this board i know, but mine is still painful.
Sorry, but she's a manipulative little minx and you need to not be contacting her. I was an 18 year old once, and believe me, I know how manipulative us girls can be. Stay away. :erm:
Sorry, but she's a manipulative little minx and you need to not be contacting her. I was an 18 year old once, and believe me, I know how manipulative us girls can be. Stay away. :erm: Ah, thanks OrangeBird. (Are you really orange?)
Well, i text her about once every 2 days now, usually just tosay have a good day, or night, just to see how she is. And if she wants to talk, she rings me. Works a treat and we're friends again.
Cheers for the help people.
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