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View Full Version : Could Life Get Better, Get Worse or Stay the Same?


Orior
13-12-2005, 17:46
Scenario:

After many many many years of marriage and kids, husband looses interest in wife. Absolutely no feeling whatsoever.

Options:

1) Stick with it, and pray for the end of time;
2) Work at it and by some miracle rejuvenate the interest and live happily ever after;
3) Head off with Debbie from Accounts and go back home to wife 3 months later rejuvenated and live happily ever after;
4) Head off with Debbie from Accounts and live happily ever after.

What do you reckon?

Nugget
13-12-2005, 17:54
Well, if you went with number 3, you deserve a slap 'round the back of the head for being a complete tosspot. Just my opinion, of course...

Orior
13-12-2005, 17:58
Aye, fair enough, but you haven't seen Debbie from Accounts.

Maggy
13-12-2005, 20:19
Aye, fair enough, but you haven't seen Debbie from Accounts.

You deserve a double slap for that. :bsmack::bsmack:

jellybaby
13-12-2005, 20:35
IF your feeling like that, do yourself, and more importantly, your wife a favour and go. What you do after that is up to you

Chimaera
13-12-2005, 20:35
How about 'none of the above'?

The man concerned sounds like a right pig - he has 'lost interest' so now wants to go off with a better (in his eyes) option. No regard for the wife he has been married to for however long, and certainly no regard for the children, whom he is equally responsible for.

Although, as he sounds such a charmer, perhaps the wife would see it as a welcome release to be rid of such a selfish husband.......... ;)

Ramrod
13-12-2005, 20:39
Option 2.....be a man.

Orior
13-12-2005, 22:04
Interesting responses so far.
Looks like no-one on this board has ever been separated or divorced? Or if they have, they would not wish it to happen to anyone else. Lesson must be that second marriages/relationships never ever ever work.

Chimaera
13-12-2005, 22:08
Interesting responses so far.
Looks like no-one on this board has ever been separated or divorced? Or if they have, they would not wish it to happen to anyone else. Lesson must be that second marriages/relationships never ever ever work.
Yes thank you, I've been divorced and wouldn't wish it on anyone - and I was in an abusive relationship. If I'd stayed in it the chances are I wouldn't be here now. In spite of that I tried everything (counselling etc) to make it work, as there were children involved. I'm now in another realtionship and couldn't be happier - so how can you say that second time round doesn't work? Perhaps not for you - but don't tar everyone with the same brush.

timewarrior2001
13-12-2005, 22:57
My choice?

Grow up, stick with your partner, after all its as likely to be your fault as hers.

Jon M
13-12-2005, 23:19
I suggest secret option 5.

Get help from a professional marriage counsellor.

And if you haven't already been doing the first part of option 2, that may be why you are now in this situation.
All marriages need hard work to maintain, it's sometimes a grind but most often a joy to put that effort in.
If both partners know how to be truely selfless and have the willpower to act on it you'll be fine.
However, if one or both of you have a selfish outlook it's not going to bring you together.

Halcyon
13-12-2005, 23:27
I'd agree with Jon M.
You've got a history together, you've got kid's.....try and see if you can patch things up and seek advice if you need it in a councellor.
You've been together long enough. It would be a waste to chuck it all away.

Try to make a list of the bad and good things and if need be, take things slowly and start working things out.

IMO, you need to give it another shot. Think back to the good old times and remind yourself why you married this person. It will require both of you to work at it, but atleast give it a go.
Good luck.

luftys
14-12-2005, 00:35
I would say try and make it work,then try some more
I tryed for 10 years,but for her the grass was greener some where else:disturbd:
Its no fun being on your own,but I was lucky I got the kids:Yikes:

MovedGoalPosts
14-12-2005, 01:05
Option 10 (I've lost count)

Stay single :erm:

danielf
14-12-2005, 01:11
You deserve a double slap for that. :bsmack::bsmack:


It made me laugh though :)

No easy answers here, I suggest this person starts with a good chat with his wife, as it sounds like it may have been a while...

Rugmuncher
14-12-2005, 02:40
Surely you've missed the obvious here - knob Debbie and stop at home, duh!

Seti
14-12-2005, 04:02
I don't think I would have a choice out of any of those options. However, I would suggest toalking to your wife instead of maybe shouting and disagreeing. Further I would suggest a chat with someone who knows you BOTH and who isn't judgemental. Marriages and other relationships need work, committment and friendship before love, if you no longer feel able to provide them then firstly find out why.

ARe you middle aged? HAve you argued too long and too much? Are you having finacial difficulties? Are you just bored? Find out the reasons for the lack of communication first, then make a decision to make it better and get some counselling from RELATE. It wil be the best gift you can give yourselves this year as then you will be able to make a clear decision without having to ask on a public forum.

Take care,
Sian

Jon M
14-12-2005, 04:13
Surely you've missed the obvious here - knob Debbie and stop at home, duh!
Hi Rug, :welcome: to CF.
Unfortunatly you seem to have been given duff directions by whoever sent you here, the forums you're after are here : http://www.maxpower.co.uk/forum/

zovat
14-12-2005, 12:24
Scenario:

After many many many years of marriage and kids, husband looses interest in wife. Absolutely no feeling whatsoever.

Options:

1) Stick with it, and pray for the end of time;
2) Work at it and by some miracle rejuvenate the interest and live happily ever after;
3) Head off with Debbie from Accounts and go back home to wife 3 months later rejuvenated and live happily ever after;
4) Head off with Debbie from Accounts and live happily ever after.

What do you reckon?

Personally I would recomend a variant of option 2..

Work at it, talk to each other and find those things that you enjoy doing together, then do them some more. If you find that you cannot bring back those feelings then discuss it with your wife, if nothing else she deserves to know the truth about how you are feeling.

The odds are that option 3 will never work - I very much doubt life will be happy with your wife if you come back after being with someone else - there will be no trust left, and you are most likely to fall back on the next "Debbie" whenever you decide life is not perfect enough. (thats assuming she takes you back at all....)

All relationships go through a "stale" patch, and yes, the grass does look greener on the other side during those patches, but you have a relationship that has lasted, so surely it is worth a bit of effort to get it back on track.

If you have been together for a long time (and I assume this from your comments) then there is obviously something between you.
You have children, and they deserve a loving home, but staying together just for them is probably the worst thing you can do.

As ever - Just my 2c.

Nugget
14-12-2005, 12:31
Surely you've missed the obvious here - knob Debbie and stop at home, duh!

What's the odds of that - a post from someone woefully inappropriate that contains the word 'knob' :rolleyes:

handyman
14-12-2005, 12:53
Hi Rug, :welcome: to CF.
Unfortunatly you seem to have been given duff directions by whoever sent you here, the forums you're after are here : http://www.maxpower.co.uk/forum/

lol 'these are not the forums you are looking for'

Option 1 is a no go, Option 2 has slim chance of working (from experience),
Option 3 is a no go, I think option 4 will win in the end.

ScaredWebWarrior
14-12-2005, 13:24
1) Stick with it, and pray for the end of time;Unless he wasn't serious about his marriage from the start, he will probably have spent some time doing this already. Now, he thinks - "I can't live like this any longer."
2) Work at it and by some miracle rejuvenate the interest and live happily ever after;Again, if he has any sense of responsibility (if only to his kids) he'll will try this - or have already tried it. However, when he realises that no 'miracle' will make it happen, and he finds he cannot do any more to make it happen, then he'll likely start looking elsewhere...
3) Head off with Debbie from Accounts and go back home to wife 3 months later rejuvenated and live happily ever after;He's seriously deluded if he thinks that a) his wife will have him back or that b) she'll ever forgive him! But it probably won't stop him chatting up Debbie.
4) Head off with Debbie from Accounts and live happily ever after.What started off as idle banter at the photo copier turned into something more serious. Having been chatting for the past year or more, he finally has some time with Debbie. They find they like each other, a lot.

Have they got a future? Who knows. Maybe he has learned from his previous relationships and got a better approach to keep the relationship going.

But, if he approaches the new relationship the same way he did his marriage, then he'll only find himself in the same situation again a few years down the line.

---------- Post added at 12:24 ---------- Previous post was at 12:22 ----------

Lesson must be that second marriages/relationships never ever ever work.I actually thought that 2nd marriages had a BETTER success rate. (Also depends on whether it's 2nd time for both.)

After all, one ought to be able to benefit from hindsight 2nd time around...