Am I being a bad parent [Archive]

zing_deleted

27-11-2005, 19:01

Ok im posting this here but it could easily be in the Gaming section. As some of you know im an avid and serious player of Medal of Honor Spearhead multiplayer.My 9 year old daughter has watched me play and wants to play too.Ive not had a problem letting her play and have had her playing on the clan server a few times.
Today however my ex wife/Bethia's mother desided she wanted to try to lay the law down and told me not to let her play.Bethia does not take these games as real she enjoys them she also plays UT2004,Yes these games have violence in them but her mum has her watching Buffy and Stargate where violence is part of the program surely?
Should I stop my daughter playing these games because of her mothers concerns? does the fact she knows its just a game make a difference ? Any advice gratefully accepted

Hom3r

27-11-2005, 19:09

Its a tough call, you know your daughter, but you may get problems from you ex if she gets the hump with you and take thing further.

try and get and play games with her that fall in to her age group.

zing_deleted

27-11-2005, 19:13

MoH is only a 12 ok she is 9 but its not exactly graphic.We share responsability so neither one has power over the other but I may well air on the side of caution to keep the ex sweet

homealone

27-11-2005, 19:22

I think that, ultimately, you will have to go for the decision which causes the least friction between you all. If that means your daughter not playing the game, it will also show her that mum & dad can co-operate & compromise for the greater good.

The main difficulty that I see is selling it in such a way that doesn't make either of the parents the 'baddie', but is seen as coming equally from you both.

Hom3r

27-11-2005, 19:23

Its proberly better to air on the side of caution to keep the ex sweet,

You can't ask your daughter to keep it a secret, because that could be a bad thing (My sister has two kids and tells them its a surprise rather than a secret)

Ramrod

27-11-2005, 19:26

Imo, Buffy is far worse for a 9yo (demons, horror etc....) than letting her watch/play MOHAA.
We let ours watch me play MOHAA sometimes (4 and 5 yo), they know it's not reality. As for letting them play it.....I think 9 yo is ok...

Angua

27-11-2005, 19:27

My 9 year old girl is into Runescape and seems to have no problem with battling goblins but is a real softy otherwise. Perhaps this might be more acceptable to her mother.

Marge

27-11-2005, 19:31

Could it be perhaps that your ex doesn't see this as a game that a girl should be playing, I think things may be different if this was your son ;)

andyl

27-11-2005, 19:59

Modern life is complicated - ah for the innocence of Pacman, destroying everything that went before him!

Dunno about this one. I was pretty horrified to see my youngest's mate, aged 9, being well into Grand Theft Auto. I personally wouldn't let my kids play that or MoH. That is partly because of my own morality but mainly because I don't play them myself (I used to happily play Driver which is hardly a moral game as such and my young uns love Need For Speed and I don't have a problem with that; why would I, was better at it than them ;) ). Ok, perhaps not quite on the same moral divide, but you get my drift. The fact that you do play the game with your child does make a difference IMO - that's healthy even if the game is IMO, not terribly PC ;) As long as your kid understands, as I'm sure she does, that it's not real, that it's not the way the world works and that, above all, it's something she does with you because you both enjoy it, then, in that sense, sod it.

But the fundamental issue to me is that your ex doesn't approve. That's nowt to do with your daughter and something you need to work on yourselves.

dilli-theclaw

27-11-2005, 20:09

I don't see a problem with it. But you'd have probably have guessed that anyway.

clupet

27-11-2005, 20:38

hi

Ive been working with school age children for 12 years and , I my experience is that children should be allowed to be children for as long as possible and these games have ratings for a reason the same as some tv programs are unsuitable. It is the parents choice but it does worry me the violence children seem to readily accept now through viewing unsuitable movies, tv & games. It can affect their behaviour and introduces them to sights and vocalbury they should not know at that age.

As a childcare worker I would say ask yourself what your child gets from that time and is there a more appropiate game you could play, but i can understand you are sharing something you love to play with your daughter. just my two cents worth.

punky

27-11-2005, 20:53

You should at least try to convince the mother that simply banning something is the worst way of dealing with it... especially as your daughter has already played the game. If she wants to play it, she'll find a way. At her own house, at a friend's house.. you aren't gaining anything. Try and convince your wife that they should work with your daughter to make sure the games don't trigger any violence from her.

You aren't being a bad parent by letting her play. The certifications are guidelines for the "average" kid (whatever that is). They are guidelines to help someone who doesn't know the game, understand it and wether it is safe for their particular child.

Could it be perhaps that your ex doesn't see this as a game that a girl should be playing, I think things may be different if this was your son

You mean should be doing something girly like playing "fetch the beer from the fridge for the clan member"? :)

Of course she would be different if she had a boy. We are men. We live to kill and destroy things. That's what we are designed do. Your lot live/are designed to cook forementioned dead things. ;)

Now, I am off to drag a cheerleader back to my cave by her hair

Ramrod

27-11-2005, 21:18

I see it as playing cops and robbers or cowboys and indians....just on a screen...

Paul

27-11-2005, 21:35

tbh, I would tell her to get stuffed.

SMHarman

27-11-2005, 22:44

Modern life is complicated - ah for the innocence of Pacman, destroying everything that went before him!It's an old one, but "Bouncing around in the dark swallowing little happy pills (no reality in that game then)."

punky

27-11-2005, 22:52

It's an old one, but "Bouncing around in the dark swallowing little happy pills (no reality in that game then)."

Don't forget the listening to the repetitive electronic music bit.

atlantis

27-11-2005, 22:52

Could it be perhaps that your ex doesn't see this as a game that a girl should be playing, I think things may be different if this was your son ;)

Think Marge may have something there. Strange how we parents see our children so very differently (I'm divorced too, but both my sons live full time with me though, and the youngest, 11, watches/plays films/games beyond the supposed age limit, as he is aware, like your daughter, that the world outside the front door is more dangerous than what's on the tv, be it game or film.

Stuart

27-11-2005, 22:53

You should at least try to convince the mother that simply banning something is the worst way of dealing with it... especially as your daughter has already played the game. If she wants to play it, she'll find a way. At her own house, at a friend's house.. you aren't gaining anything. Try and convince your wife that they should work with your daughter to make sure the games don't trigger any violence from her.

True. The best way to make something appear attractive to a kid is ban it. As an example, my sister was persuaded by a friend to start smoking (and still does). I was forced to try it by my mum, and I don't.

You aren't being a bad parent by letting her play. The certifications are guidelines for the "average" kid (whatever that is). They are guidelines to help someone who doesn't know the game, understand it and wether it is safe for their particular child.

Could it be perhaps that your ex doesn't see this as a game that a girl should be playing, I think things may be different if this was your son

You mean should be doing something girly like playing "fetch the beer from the fridge for the clan member"? :)

Of course she would be different if she had a boy. We are men. We live to kill and destroy things. That's what we are designed do. Your lot live/are designed to cook forementioned dead things. ;)

Now, I am off to drag a cheerleader back to my cave by her hair

You *know* you'll get a slap the next time you see a certain someone...

clupet

27-11-2005, 23:55

We are men. We live to kill and destroy things. That's what we are designed do. Your lot live/are designed to cook forementioned dead things. ;)

ah sin! no you are designed to make us women happy :D just start doing that and the meaning of your life will become clear!:angel:

Caff

28-11-2005, 00:59

*nervously edges in...*

FWIW, from experience, my concern would be the difference between the passive 'viewing' of a TV prog and the 'interactive' nature of gaming: decision-making, involvement of outcome. ?:shrug:

Cheers.

Electrolyte01

28-11-2005, 09:26

I used to play Doom and Descent when I was about 8 years old. My parents weren't bothered about it and I wasn't either.

SMHarman

28-11-2005, 09:52

I used to play Doom and Descent when I was about 8 years old. My parents weren't bothered about it and I wasn't either.
Did you have it in the blood free mode? Curious really.

Ramrod

28-11-2005, 09:55

I used to play Doom and Descent when I was about 8 years old. My parents weren't bothered about it and I wasn't either.But Doom 9 yrs ago was a blocky, pixcellated thing........not realistic at all and hence not nearly as scarey as the latest Doom (which I am not going to play, thank you very much!:disturbd: )

timewarrior2001

28-11-2005, 09:58

I'd go with the side of caution, but the Ex needs to appreciate that whilst in your care your daughter lives by YOUR rules.
As a parent you also have some responsibility.

If you expect probvlems with your ex maybe you need to agree with her to sign a contract of parental responsibility, where the non residential gaurdian can make decision relating to the child.

Maggy

28-11-2005, 10:11

orangebird

28-11-2005, 10:24

IMHO, your 9 year old daughter should be doing something a little more stimulating than sat in front of a PC. :shrug:

zing_deleted

28-11-2005, 10:34

Perhaps she is worried because she notes certain behaviours when your daughter is with her at home?

Maybe she is jealous at the rapport between your daughter and yourself?

Do you ever take your daughter out together with your ex?Maybe you should from time to time so she can see that you are friends together and as parents value her together as parents.

If your ex persists about this than ask her to suggest what alternatives she would deem suitable.Maybe she believes that playing PC games together is not quality time spent together.That maybe some other interests of your daughters should be explored once in a while.I believe a frank discussion with your ex is in order and that you BOTH discuss this issue with your daughter together so no one is the bad guy.

We do actually get on quite well.Yes we do go out on occassion.The ex's problem is she is worried about the violence but my daughter is passive.Im teaching her Kung fu and self defence which I used to do a lot of in my fitter days and She is disaplined enough to know right from wrong.Maybe you have a poitn over the jealousy thing :)

---------- Post added at 10:34 ---------- Previous post was at 10:28 ----------

IMHO, your 9 year old daughter should be doing something a little more stimulating than sat in front of a PC. :shrug:

she does a lot of other things besides sitting in front of a pc although some of what she does in front of a pc is educational not just games and helps her in school,

atlantis

28-11-2005, 14:14

All I can say any further Zing is to enjoy every moment you can share with your wondefull daughter, these are magic moments at her current age, and will never come again, live for each moment, both of you:)

zing_deleted

28-11-2005, 14:21

atlantis

28-11-2005, 14:23

Yeah sure m8 :) Id rep ya but ive been to free with my love today ;)

That's cool mate, we don't post here to be rept, we're just a big online family, there for each other:tu: :)

Ramrod

28-11-2005, 14:47

I'm gonna start crying soon...........

;) :D

Salu

28-11-2005, 15:31

:sick:

Nugget

28-11-2005, 15:35

I'm gonna start crying soon...........

;) :D

Why? Has zingles daughter beaten you on MOH as well?

;) :p:

zing_deleted

28-11-2005, 15:39

Why? Has zingles daughter beaten you on MOH as well?

;) :p:

:LOL: Thats just so funny below is a peom I wrote cuz rammy left after I pwned him on MoH last night and he left before the end before I could screenshot him

Brave sir Ramrod ran away
Bravely ran away away.
When Zingle raises his gun ahead
Rammy turns his tail and fled
When the screen shot was all about
He gallantly he chickened out
Bravely leaving off his seat
He took a very brave back seat
Bravest of the brave sir Ramrod
(to the tune of Brave sir robin cuz he left again ;))

Nugget

28-11-2005, 15:42

:LOL: Thats just so funny below is a peom I wrote cuz rammy left after I pwned him on MoH last night and he left before the end before I could screenshot him

Brave sir Ramrod ran away
Bravely ran away away.
When Zingle raises his gun ahead
Rammy turns his tail and fled
When the screen shot was all about
He gallantly he chickened out
Bravely leaving off his seat
He took a very brave back seat
Bravest of the brave sir Ramrod
(to the tune of Brave sir robin cuz he left again ;))

:rofl:

I love it when a plan comes together :D

Ramrod

28-11-2005, 16:35

:rofl:

I love it when a plan comes together :DNo comment! :grind: :D

Nugget

28-11-2005, 16:46

No comment! :grind: :D

In fairness, it doesn't often work :D

Electrolyte01

28-11-2005, 17:23

Did you have it in the blood free mode? Curious really.I'm pretty sure I remember seeing gore on it.

But Doom 9 yrs ago was a blocky, pixcellated thing........not realistic at all and hence not nearly as scarey as the latest Doom (which I am not going to play, thank you very much!:disturbd: )So? That's the LATEST Doom. We didn't have anything like that in those days, so the first Doom would have been classed as a "high end game" ;)

Ramrod

28-11-2005, 17:49

In fairness, it doesn't often work :D
I know, I think I'll stop digging at this point! :D

So? That's the LATEST Doom. We didn't have anything like that in those days, so the first Doom would have been classed as a "high end game" ;)
Funnily enough, rummaging around in a box of bits today, I found a copy of Doom 3 and my inquisitiveness is getting the better of me:disturbd: