sssshhhh
13-08-2007, 13:06
Having read AndrewJ's post earlier has led me again to ponder my own issues and question that has gone unanswered in my head for a long time. Do I have a condition or am I just different? I have felt that I was 'different' for many years. The main problem I seem to have is my lack of emotional connection with people (partners have frequently brought this up in the departing converations before a split - usually 'you're holding something back from me' - I still don't get it)
I have various behaviour traits which don't seem to be in line with all the other people I know in my life. Reading them below paints me to be an absolute nightmare, but in reality I'm very well liked and popular, have been since school, if I am seen as being a bit odd sometimes. I have an excellent group of friends, who all just put it down as me being different. It's just me. I'm doing really well in work, and am about to study for a degree.
I also have good relationships with my family in the sense that I see them a lot. I had a fantastic upbringing in a stable environment. But my total indifference to things like family occasions and birthdays etc does seem to get my mother down. And if I don't keep in touch with friends and family for a while, or dont return phone calls that can get me in bother too. At the end of the day i just don't do it. I don't deem it important at the time. Then I can see logically afterwards why I should. But emotionally I seem to be cut off.
The older I am getting, the more aware I am of these traits. I have tried to become more aware of the way I behave, in order to see if I can improve, if only to keep the people around me happy, and have spent most of my late teens/twenties on doing this, but it doesn't seem to do me any good.
An example of some of these traits are:
-I cannot hold a one on one conversation with people I don't know very well, let alone start one.
-I find it very difficult to maintain eye contact with people.
-Even with people I do know very well, unless I am talking about something I have knowledge of I'll completely switch off. I mean totally.
-If I am in a group situation and I am left with just one other person I am unable to maintain any part of the conversation (as in a group I let others do the talking, i've usually completely wandered off)
-I struggle showing empathy towards other people. I can see logically why someone would be upset at the death of a relative, but cannot feel any emotional need to console them, or indeed even offer much consolation. It's not that I am heartless, I just don't and can't do it.
-I'm told i've a rubbish sense of humour. I just don't find things as funny, if at all funny as everyone around me. I will very occasionally chuckle but laugh out loud moments are very few and far between in my life. And the things other people laugh about absolutely puzzle me as to why they would be funny.
-I often interrupt conversations, and will talk incessantly about what ever is on my mind with a total disregard for the others in the conversation. Again, Its not because I am rude, but because what ever is on my mind just comes out, regardless. I am often embarressed about this one, as I see the reactions of people when I have finished talking about something totally unrelated to what they were discussing. I'll even walk in from another room and do it.
-If I have discovered something eg in work/on tv/a person that intrests me it will dominate my thoughts, and will be all I talk about for days on end.
-I'm an extremely logical thinker and in work especially, require end to end processes for everything I do. Everything has to be done correctly and I hate bending the rules, or relaxing regulations. It either is or it isn't.
-I suffer from mild bouts of anxiety, depression and mood swings from nowhere.
-If someone lets me down ie a friend or relative, then I take it very hard. Although I usually always the apology, it stays with me for a long long time.
-i've a rubbish attention span, unless i'm involved in something I'm into at that time.
-finally a good one - I have an amazing memory capacity, especially for figures and codes etc, often seeing patterns in things. I also seem to have a fantastic grasp of the bigger picture and logic in the way I think. These things combined have allowed me to excell and be recognised in work (which helps with the down side of continually interrupting my manager and generally ****ing people off with my 'supposed' aloof nature)
So am I just a spiteful miserbale old so and so, or do you think I have grounds to talk to my GP (he's not been very helpful/understanding when I've seen him in the past about trivial complaints). I'm relatively happy in general, appart from the fact that I don't feel I can totally connect with anyone in my life at the moment.
I have various behaviour traits which don't seem to be in line with all the other people I know in my life. Reading them below paints me to be an absolute nightmare, but in reality I'm very well liked and popular, have been since school, if I am seen as being a bit odd sometimes. I have an excellent group of friends, who all just put it down as me being different. It's just me. I'm doing really well in work, and am about to study for a degree.
I also have good relationships with my family in the sense that I see them a lot. I had a fantastic upbringing in a stable environment. But my total indifference to things like family occasions and birthdays etc does seem to get my mother down. And if I don't keep in touch with friends and family for a while, or dont return phone calls that can get me in bother too. At the end of the day i just don't do it. I don't deem it important at the time. Then I can see logically afterwards why I should. But emotionally I seem to be cut off.
The older I am getting, the more aware I am of these traits. I have tried to become more aware of the way I behave, in order to see if I can improve, if only to keep the people around me happy, and have spent most of my late teens/twenties on doing this, but it doesn't seem to do me any good.
An example of some of these traits are:
-I cannot hold a one on one conversation with people I don't know very well, let alone start one.
-I find it very difficult to maintain eye contact with people.
-Even with people I do know very well, unless I am talking about something I have knowledge of I'll completely switch off. I mean totally.
-If I am in a group situation and I am left with just one other person I am unable to maintain any part of the conversation (as in a group I let others do the talking, i've usually completely wandered off)
-I struggle showing empathy towards other people. I can see logically why someone would be upset at the death of a relative, but cannot feel any emotional need to console them, or indeed even offer much consolation. It's not that I am heartless, I just don't and can't do it.
-I'm told i've a rubbish sense of humour. I just don't find things as funny, if at all funny as everyone around me. I will very occasionally chuckle but laugh out loud moments are very few and far between in my life. And the things other people laugh about absolutely puzzle me as to why they would be funny.
-I often interrupt conversations, and will talk incessantly about what ever is on my mind with a total disregard for the others in the conversation. Again, Its not because I am rude, but because what ever is on my mind just comes out, regardless. I am often embarressed about this one, as I see the reactions of people when I have finished talking about something totally unrelated to what they were discussing. I'll even walk in from another room and do it.
-If I have discovered something eg in work/on tv/a person that intrests me it will dominate my thoughts, and will be all I talk about for days on end.
-I'm an extremely logical thinker and in work especially, require end to end processes for everything I do. Everything has to be done correctly and I hate bending the rules, or relaxing regulations. It either is or it isn't.
-I suffer from mild bouts of anxiety, depression and mood swings from nowhere.
-If someone lets me down ie a friend or relative, then I take it very hard. Although I usually always the apology, it stays with me for a long long time.
-i've a rubbish attention span, unless i'm involved in something I'm into at that time.
-finally a good one - I have an amazing memory capacity, especially for figures and codes etc, often seeing patterns in things. I also seem to have a fantastic grasp of the bigger picture and logic in the way I think. These things combined have allowed me to excell and be recognised in work (which helps with the down side of continually interrupting my manager and generally ****ing people off with my 'supposed' aloof nature)
So am I just a spiteful miserbale old so and so, or do you think I have grounds to talk to my GP (he's not been very helpful/understanding when I've seen him in the past about trivial complaints). I'm relatively happy in general, appart from the fact that I don't feel I can totally connect with anyone in my life at the moment.