What cats do to avoid treatment/medicine

[Anonymouse]

This is purely a for-fun thread. Here goes:

While still living at my parents' house, I sort of adopted a sort of stray, a little tortie cat. She'd been more or less thrown out when her 15-year-old owner was thrown out by her mother for clocking on with a married bloke (we'll leave aside the question of where the hell social services were when a 15-year-old girl was being chucked out of her own home). So her cat ended up wandering round the estate for a while, until I met her...at about 3:15 a.m., when I was coming home blitzed out of my freakin' mind on Red Rock cider ("It's not red, and there's no rocks in it!" Remember that?)

It started with me leaving some milk out for her (okay, I know now you're not supposed to give cow's milk to cats because they can't digest it properly!), because we saw a neighbour feeding her bread...and she was eating it. Clearly one hungry little kitty.

After a while, she sort of moved in, and we got used to her...anyway, when I tried to give her some hairball remedy (you know, the stuff that looks a bit like Marmite and has cod liver oil in it), she didn't want to know. So I tried smearing some on her paw, so she'd have to lick it off, as per the instructions.

Either my cat was smarter than they give cats credit for, or they'd never actually tried this technique. She ran out into the yard, and started frantically wiggling her leg back and forth to shake the stuff off her paw, and succeeded!

(Curiously, Tigger had exactly the opposite reaction: not only was she quite amenable, she licked the stuff off my finger before I could smear it on her paw! Not only that, she wanted a bit more! She was following me around the flat until I put the damn stuff away and distracted her with a game! Sheesh!)

When Tigger was a kitten, she had ear mites - easily treatable; a couple of drops in each ear, twice a day, for five days sorted those little buggers out, and now her ears are always beautifully clean. But she didn't make it easy for me...whenever I came to treat her left ear, she folded it down so I couldn't get the nozzle in!

Okay, troops, your turn!

[Alien]

How to give a cat a pill.


Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat procedure.

Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away

Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth for count of ten.

Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emmitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop ruler and rub cat's throat vigourously.

Retrieve cat from curtain rail; get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for glueing later.

Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with it's head just visible from below spouses armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouses forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus booster. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

Call fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid hitting cat. Take last pill from foil wrapper.

Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small wrench. Push pill into cat's mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

Get spouse to drive you to emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearms and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new dining room table.

Arrange for Vet to make house call.

[Angua]

You could try mixing it in with a small amount of food at the time of day she is normally hungry. Then if it works give the rest of the food they would normally have. There are some tips from the linky in my sig (try the one for caring for your sick cat) ;)

[joglynne]

How to give a cat a pill.

<snip>

Arrange for Vet to make house call.


:LOL: and scarily enough we've experienced a few!

Jo :D

[Alien]

The CAT User's Manual

User Installation and Maintenance Documentation

CAT v. 7.0: Completely Autonomous Tester

Manufactured by MOMCAT

System Design Specifications:

User Friendly
Mouse Driven
Self Cleaning
Energy Saving Standby Mode When Not In Use
Self Portable Operation
Dual Video
Bi-directional Audio Input/Output
Primary and secondary output ports: high-speed serial port for streaming data and standard parallel port for data blocks.
Auto search Routines for Input Data
Autocracy for Output Bin
Instant Transition (<2 nanoseconds) Between Standby and Full Power Mode

_____________________________________________

Production Details: After basic KIT construction, the unit undergoes six weeks of onside ROM programming and burn-in testing. Listed features are installed during this period. Since MOMCAT uses local suppliers, there may be variations between units. MOMCAT's quality assurance may reject inferior units. Users may sometimes salvage rejected units.

Beware of Far East clones. These may violate import restrictions.
_____________________________________________

Transportation: A suitable transportation case should be used for transportation to the operating site. Failure to properly ship a CAT unit may result in loss or damage to the unit and serious injury to the user.
_____________________________________________

Installation Procedures: Upon receiving the CAT unit, the user should examine the unit to verify that all I/O channels are operational. Look for minor bugs in or on the system. Bugs are indicative of the MOMCAT production environment. The user may manually remove any bugs.

Bring the CAT to operation in an environment temperature at 20º C (± 3 º tolerance). Use a quiet room with the primary user(s) present. Open the transportation case and let the CAT unit auto exit. Initialize the self learning program catfind() by displaying the input bins. These should contain H2O (liquid state, room temperature, 99% purity) and dry energy pellets. Immediately afterwards, display the output bin.

If the user already has a CAT unit successfully installed, it may be possible to download BASIC routines to the new CAT. For the first day or two, the CAT will stay in self learning mode. When the learn buffer overflows, the CAT will auto switch to sleep() mode. This is normal. The MMU system will store the new information to permanent memory. After 72 hours, the CAT will be interacting with the operating environment.

The unit may be placed in direct sunlight. CAT units are operational in all axis: standing, sitting, or laying down. If all basic environment requirements are satisfied, the CAT system will produce a slight hum. This is normal.

A new CAT should not exit the primary site facility. Full portability comes after extensive burn in. Some users never let the CAT unit auto exit the site. The advantages are longer unit life and fewer bugs. Contact with pirate CAT units may lead to unplanned BATCH iteration. Contact with untested CATs may lead to virus infection. If allowed to exit, some CAT units may try to port across a street. Fatal errors may happen. If you decide to let your CAT out, it should have a READ_ME.TXT file with a system address and URL which identifies the host site.

Your CAT should have a system name. The name may need to be reinitialized repeatedly until the system can read it correctly. This lets you issue voice commands to bring the unit to an online state. Many owners give their CATs a secret password as well. You can also get the CAT's attention by booting the system. While this is effective, it is discouraged. Too much booting will abuse the system. Such units will sit across the room with its back to you.
_____________________________________________

Applications: At present, there are few productivity applications for CAT.

MOUSE is a killer app. This is pre-installed.

Many owners use their system for game playing. CATs play best when they are young. Older units suffer a system timing decay which leads to reduced response and flexibility. Some CAT games are:

CACHE
The CAT will CACHE a data string. Similar to the K9 unit game, but the object must be smaller.

JUMP
Move the data string through the air. The CAT unit will reach new heights of operation.

MIRROR
Place the unit in front of a mirror and watch it attempt to parse itself. Some units may ESCape. Reboot the system by calling its name.

CHASE
Played between two CAT units or a CAT and a K9 unit. Units take turns as one is the data and the other attempts to parse it.

SING
Offer fishy data code to elicit a range of audio output.

BUGHUNT
Some CAT units are very efficient bug hunters.
_____________________________________________

Maintenance: CATs will self-recharge. This takes 20 hours in a 24 hour cycle.

CATs are self cleaning and require little user maintenance. Do not clean the unit with alcohol or benzine-based solvents. This may lead to a violent explosion.

A CAT unit should be taken once a year to a VET (Very Expensive Technician) for a system checkup.

Do not attempt to open a CAT. There are no user serviceable parts inside. If a unit emits strange smells or sounds, it should be serviced immediately by a VET.

You may examine the rear of the CAT unit to determine if it has a male or female scuzzy port. CATs with a male port may emit a non-toxic aerosol. The VET can remove this component. CATs with female ports are plagued by periodic heating problems. The VET can fix this permanently by removing an internal part. Such systems run unix.

In senior CAT units, male scuzzy ports can become blocked, leading to extensive VET visits and serious performance limitations.
_____________________________________________

Warning Notices: CAT systems are user-friendly. However, in certain documented situations, a CAT may pose a danger to the user. Repeated jamming or obstruction of I/O ports may lead to deployment of auto-defense systems. Never attempt a first strike on a CAT system. Its CPU clock rate is made to military specifications and thus classified, but JANE'S FIGHTING FELINES notes that a unit was seen by ham radio operators to be apparently moving at 500 mHz. Twin D-shaped five-pin spike connectors have an average seek rate of 3 nanoseconds. The manufacturer is not responsible for injuries to the user. These spike connectors require monthly maintenance to avoid damage to site furniture.

Do not poke anything into the CAT's I/O ports. CAT may BYTE.

In dry, cold weather, a surface electrostatic charge may build up. To avoid electric shock, stand on an insulated surface.

Do not operate the CAT above water. This may lead to end-user damage.

Carry a CAT firmly. Do not swing it by its "tail".

The self-programming feature of the CAT unit may introduce functions that are not user-friendly. For example, the CAT will quickly associate display of the transportation case with a trip to the VET or the offsite storage facility. In such instances, the CAT will self-initiate the ESCAPE mode. This requires the user to employ SEEK and CAPTURE programs to reestablish control of the CAT in order to place it in the transportion case.
_____________________________________________

Service Life: As CATs become older, the learn program will recognize every situation. The CAT may become too smart for its own good.

CATs like to have their own toys. They often have hobbies, such as bird watching or studying tropical fish.

If you properly care for your CAT, it will give you years of loyal service. Many users get a second unit. Most users don't need the extra capacity, but they enjoy the ability to run complex simulation games.
_____________________________________________

If the user will be absent from the host site for an extended period, provision for CAT maintainence must be provided. Options are:

Offsite storage. This may cause errors in user-associated CAT programs. Some reprogramming may be required.
Onsite maintainence by contractors. Contractors must have full access to the host site. They should provide full I/O service to the CAT and not boot the system.

_____________________________________________

Lifetime Warranty: The CAT unit is guaranteed against catastrophic failure. Nine coupons are included.

If the unit operates in networks that experience heavy traffic, some units may use all nine coupons in one confrontation. This can lead to system failure.
_____________________________________________

Documented Problems: The Ctrl key on most CAT units is defective. This may lead to serious performance problems.

Do not install a BIRD unit at a site which has an operational CAT unit. These systems are not compatible. The BIRD unit may be erased permanently.

The self-cleaning feature that comes standard with CAT units has a capacity limitation. The unit's recycle bin eventually fills and then empties without warning.

CAT units have an internal clock. These normally initialize automatic programs (CLEAN, etc.) These cannot be reset by the user. The internal alarm clock often goes off 30 minutes before the user's alarm clock.
_____________________________________________

System Features:

Models = Main frame, desktop and laptop models (smallest footprint in the industry). Available in 15 inch, 17 inch, and 19 inch sizes.
Interface = Touch sensitive interface for maximum user friendliness.
Memory = Not much. Upgrades available real soon now.
Expected Lifetime = 15 years with ± 72 months (although 20 years are common).
Weight = 3-6 kilograms without optional cables.
Speed = 3 nanoseconds search/find with self-uprighting supertwist technology.
Color Graphics = Either paper white, monochrome (black/white), 64 grey shades, or maximum of 16 million colors with 40 terrabits of high resolution floating point pixels.
Sound Chip = 16 octaves, digital MIDI output (MI/OU).
Power Consumpution = 250 grams protein daily (2 micrograms per second.)
Operating Range = -30º to +45º C (-22º to 105º)
Vibration = 5-500 Hz, one octave/min, dwell at all resonance points.