View Full Version : How would you react?
Raistlin
25-06-2005, 21:51
Well.....
My GF is currently sleeping in the other room, she went to bed on her own.....
I elected not to go to bed at the same time as her.
About 3 hours ago she told me how much she misses being with her ex boyfriend.....
Ah!
And how long ago did they split?
Raistlin
25-06-2005, 21:57
About 7 months.
They haven't really spoken to each other for a while, they went out to lunch together a few days ago.
Oh dear I think you need to sit down and do some talking, how long have you been together?
Hmmm!
And how long have you been together?
Did she dump him or vice versa?
Raistlin
25-06-2005, 22:12
She dumped him.
We've been together since they split up.....ummm.....she actually dumped him for me......
She's 19 BTW, not sure if that makes a difference.....
She dumped him for you and now has gone to dinner with him (did you know about this or did you find out after it happened) and now she says she misses him? This does not sound good for your relationship Raist :(
I think that tomorrow you need to sit down together and talk about it otherwise things will fester if you ignore it. If she is unhappy in the current relationship and wants out then it may be that she doesn't really know what she wants in a relationship (since she dumped him for you).
The words grass and greener spring to mind I'm afraid, I just hope that this is just a moment of confusion for her and that tomorrow you guys will talk and sort it out.
The age might matter. I was too busy having fun at that age to settle but that is definitely no guide to anyone else. Perhaps thats what your GF needs, a bit of fun, maybe some of the things she did with her ex were fun and she misses that hence the nostalgia trip she is on at the moment.
Do something daft like go paintballing or cheese rolling or climb a tree.
Raistlin
25-06-2005, 22:22
She dumped him for you and now has gone to dinner with him (did you know about this or did you find out after it happened)
Is was lunch, we all work at the same place - I knew they were going out for lunch.
and now she says she misses him? This does not sound good for your relationship Raist :(
:(
I think that tomorrow you need to sit down together and talk about it otherwise things will fester if you ignore it. If she is unhappy in the current relationship and wants out then it may be that she doesn't really know what she wants in a relationship (since she dumped him for you).
The words grass and greener spring to mind I'm afraid, I just hope that this is just a moment of confusion for her and that tomorrow you guys will talk and sort it out.
:(
She tells me that she loves me, and that she didn't like all the arguments that she used to have with him (when they were together).....don't know that's much consolation though.....
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The age might matter. I was too busy having fun at that age to settle but that is definitely no guide to anyone else. Perhaps thats what your GF needs, a bit of fun, maybe some of the things she did with her ex were fun and she misses that hence the nostalgia trip she is on at the moment.
Do something daft like go paintballing or cheese rolling or climb a tree.
You saying I'm not fun?
:disturbd: Wibble :)
Chimaera
25-06-2005, 22:25
When she says she 'misses' him - it might mean she misses the crap or hassle she used to get? :shrug: That's how I miss my ex anyway! :D
PS - I'm sure you are fun, Raistlin! :hugs:
Raistlin
25-06-2005, 22:27
When she says she 'misses' him - it might mean she misses the crap or hassle she used to get? :shrug: That's how I miss my ex anyway! :D
Nah. apparently she misses the "fun" that they used to have together, the fact that they were so "laid back" together, and the fact that they used to just "get on really well together".
So little time and so much angst.
At seven months I would say you need to lighten up a little and unless there are other signs not read too much into things as yet. She may for reasons unknown to you be feeling pressured or smothered.
Whatever you do though don't be a doormat and don't whine (never very appealing).
The age might matter. I was too busy having fun at that age to settle but that is definitely no guide to anyone else. Perhaps thats what your GF needs, a bit of fun, maybe some of the things she did with her ex were fun and she misses that hence the nostalgia trip she is on at the moment.
Do something daft like go paintballing or cheese rolling or climb a tree.
Nah, you can have bigger age gaps than that and have no problems as long as you both know what you want and that you both know what you are entering into.
Raist it sounds like she doesn't really know what she wants at the moment, do you know what attracted her to you in the first place? Might be time to go out somewhere for a talk tomorrow, discuss what you both want and need in the relationship and discuss what has happened recently that might need changing.
Age has no bearing on a relationship if you both enter into it with your eyes open and your brains engaged :)
Chimaera
25-06-2005, 22:30
When she says she 'misses' him - it might mean she misses the crap or hassle she used to get? :shrug: That's how I miss my ex anyway! :D
Nah. apparently she misses the "fun" that they used to have together, the fact that they were so "laid back" together, and the fact that they used to just "get on really well together".
Well he can't have been that good or she wouldn't have given him up for you! But I can't help thinking it's not very tactful of her to mention those things - if that's how she's feeling? Or is it just me?
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You saying I'm not fun?
:disturbd: Wibble :)
I find you very funny.:D
:sorry:
What do you think attracted you to your GF in the first place? That may be where you need to look to get things going again between you.:hugs:
Raistlin
25-06-2005, 22:32
Cheers for the advice guys. I really don't know what I'm gonna do.
Anyone that knows me will tell you that I'm certainly not a whiner ;)
I just wanted a sanity check to make sure that I wasn't over reacting. My first reaction was to just boot her out of the house and let her make her own way home.
Chimaera
25-06-2005, 22:34
My first reaction was to just boot her out of the house and let her make her own way home.
Funny, that's exactly what Paul said before his first post! So no, you are not over-reacting (or if you are, so is Paul!)
Raistlin
25-06-2005, 22:39
Funny, that's exactly what Paul said before his first post! So no, you are not over-reacting (or if you are, so is Paul!)
:LOL: Great Minds and all of that
Cheers for the advice guys. I really don't know what I'm gonna do.
Anyone that knows me will tell you that I'm certainly not a whiner ;)
I just wanted a sanity check to make sure that I wasn't over reacting. My first reaction was to just boot her out of the house and let her make her own way home.
Whatever you do has to be right for you. :tu:
All the best :cool:
PS I was not implying you were a whiner (I have come across so many folks who may not be at the end of a relationship who start to whine thus causing the break up)
Raistlin
25-06-2005, 22:41
Whatever you do has to be right for you. :tu:
All the best :cool:
PS I was not implying you were a whiner (I have come across so many folks who may not be at the end of a relationship who start to whine thus causing the break up)
Thanks for the support, I know you weren't suggesting that and I appreciate your help :hugs:
Funny, that's exactly what Paul said before his first post! So no, you are not over-reacting (or if you are, so is Paul!)
:LOL: Great Minds and all of that
Well we're all hoping that things work out between you both Raist, the only thing you can really do now is talk to her about it, find out what sort of "fun" things she likes doing and see if there is anything you can do to spend more time together doing things you both enjoy.
Just do us a favour, make sure this situation doesn't last as long as a certain other thread or we're all come round your house to tell you off :p: :D
Well.....
My GF is currently sleeping in the other room, she went to bed on her own.....
I elected not to go to bed at the same time as her.
About 3 hours ago she told me how much she misses being with her ex boyfriend.....
Dustbin bag, her possesions inside, out on the doorstep closely followed by her on the end of my boot, it might seem a little drastic but you did ask how we'd (I'd) react. Life's far too short to take sh*t from people and I would expect exactly the same treatment if I ever came out with a similar line about one of my ex's.
Raistlin
25-06-2005, 22:46
Well we're all hoping that things work out between you both Raist, the only thing you can really do now is talk to her about it, find out what sort of "fun" things she likes doing and see if there is anything you can do to spend more time together doing things you both enjoy.
Just do us a favour, make sure this situation doesn't last as long as a certain other thread or we're all come round your house to tell you off :p: :D
Cheers matey, she wants full posession of the lighter but I'm not convinced as it's part owned by my mother.
I think that she should pay me for my share of it, she wants to pay me a much lesser amount of money.
I'm thinking that I should simply gather lots of really good advice from people who know me and care about me, and then just ignore it all.....
Now there's a plan...
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Dustbin bag, her possesions inside, out on the doorstep closely followed by her on the end of my boot, it might seem a little drastic but you did ask how we'd (I'd) react. Life's far too short to take sh*t from people and I would expect exactly the same treatment if I ever came out with a similar line about one of my ex's.
Which was exactly my first reaction.
You're right, I did ask - and I appreciate your candour :tu:
Cheers matey, she wants full posession of the lighter but I'm not convinced as it's part owned by my mother.
I think that she should pay me for my share of it, she wants to pay me a much lesser amount of money.
I'm thinking that I should simply gather lots of really good advice from people who know me and care about me, and then just ignore it all.....
Now there's a plan...
:group::Sun::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
smicer07
25-06-2005, 22:48
Oi :(
Oi :(
What are you oi'ing about? Is he with your ex or something? Now that'd be a story and a half eh? ;)
Raistlin
25-06-2005, 22:51
What are you oi'ing about? Is he with your ex or something? Now that'd be a story and a half eh? ;)
Shhhh, don't tell him.....
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Oi :(
Sorry matey, no offence meant.
TBH it's nice to see you in a different thread for a change :tu: you should get out more often :)
It depends on the way in which she said she missed being with her ex imo. If it's in a 'I wouldn't want to be with him, but meeting with him did remind me of the good times, and that made me a bit sad' way, then it's not a very clever thing to say, but something that I could understand.
If, on the other hand it's a 'I miss being with him' thing, I'd reconsider being with her...
I hope that makes sense...
Raistlin
25-06-2005, 23:00
If, on the other hand it's a 'I miss being with him' thing, I'd reconsider being with her...
That was the way she said it.....
I hope that makes sense...
It does, thanks :tu:
I just wanted a sanity check to make sure that I wasn't over reacting. My first reaction was to just boot her out of the house and let her make her own way home.
You aren't over-reacting mate. If it was me, i'd be doing my nut. You seem really calm and collected. You don't seem to want to top yourself over it, which is good :tu:
You should really put some distance between you two. She shouldn't be in your bed, she should leave you alone for at least a week, with no contact, then who she feels most for would become apparent. Whistfully looking back at once was isn't necessarily a hanging offence. we've probably all done it to varying degrees, but she has just been up front about it.
The important thing is not to let her jerk you around, or set you up as some sort of stand-by or consolation prize. You are better than that. Either she commits herself entirely to you, and or her arse should hit the curb. She will only know that once she clears her head a bit. If you do carry on though, be warned, it could seriously mess with your head, as forever you'll find it hard to trust her, if she continues to have contact with her ex.
Nah. apparently she misses the "fun" that they used to have together, the fact that they were so "laid back" together, and the fact that they used to just "get on really well together".If she is talking like that then it's time for you to split. That kind of talk isn't forgiveable (imo) and highlites deep problems in your relationship. Sorry m8, but I think that she has stepped over the line....... :(
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I just wanted a sanity check to make sure that I wasn't over reacting. My first reaction was to just boot her out of the house and let her make her own way home.Remember, be a gentleman about it! No matter the provocation.
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Dustbin bag, her possesions inside, out on the doorstep closely followed by her on the end of my boot, it might seem a little drastic but you did ask how we'd (I'd) react. Life's far too short to take sh*t from people and I would expect exactly the same treatment if I ever came out with a similar line about one of my ex's.Damn right!--though that doesn't fit too well with my post above.................
Raistlin
25-06-2005, 23:44
If she is talking like that then it's time for you to split. That kind of talk isn't forgiveable (imo) and highlites deep problems in your relationship. Sorry m8, but I think that she has stepped over the line....... :(
Yep, that's what I'm thinking.....although it may just be the vodka talking :(
Remember, be a gentleman about it! No matter the provocation.
Always :)
mrlipring
25-06-2005, 23:51
Ouch. I'm a little late in on this thread (arguing with you in another one. lol), but that's a horrible predicament you're in.
The way i see it is, she could up and leave you at any time. She hasn't. That must stand for something. You know her better than any of us, so you'll know whether she's with you because she wants to be with you, or whether she's with you because she doesn't like being single. On the surface of it, jumping straight into a new relationship from another one doesn't sound healthy, but then, if you know you want to be with someone, why force yourself not to be, just for appearance's sake?
I know i've got a habit of saying the wrong thing to my girlfriend. I say all sorts of daft things that get taken ways in which i couldn't possibly have meant it.
You really need to ask her what exactly she meant. There are things about exes i miss. I don't particularly like my current girlfriend's family. I really got on well with a few of my exes' families. I miss that. Doesn't mean i miss the ex, in a relationship type way.
does she maybe just mean she misses the stuff they used to do, and wants to hang out with him in a friends kinda way? If they haven't spoken to each other for ages, and they're just getting back in contact, perhaps they're ready to be friends again. wounds have healed and all that.
you're not over-reacting, but find out more about how she's feeling at the mo before you go shagging her best friend for revenge. :)
she's probably as confused as you. I imagine the nostalgia of talking to her ex again is making her forget all the **** parts of the relationship that landed her with you in the first place.
You could always hire a hitman. :)
Why not ask her for clarification of what she meant?If she refuses to be clear about it then I'm afraid the relationship is stuffed.If she clarifies it so as to state that she has made a mistake then you're stuffed.Of course if she says she misses doing some of the things they did together as a couple then perhaps you have a way to cement your relationship.
Let her know that you now feel extremely undervalued and don't appreciate such cryptic comments without any explanation...Which surprises me because us women if nothing else tend to communicate exactly how we feel and give full explanations of why we say and do stuff which tends to make the men in our lives run tight lipped out of the room. ;)
I'm dubious though as it certainly sounds ominous to me. :(
Personally me and my girlfriend have got on much better since we moved into seperate bedrooms, some nights she sleeps in my room but mainly moves into her room.
At first I took this badly which made more rows but having our own space at night, HAS brought us closer.
Raistlin
25-06-2005, 23:59
Ouch. I'm a little late in on this thread (arguing with you in another one. lol), but that's a horrible predicament you're in.
Better late than never.....
The way i see it is, she could up and leave you at any time. She hasn't. That must stand for something. You know her better than any of us, so you'll know whether she's with you because she wants to be with you, or whether she's with you because she doesn't like being single. On the surface of it, jumping straight into a new relationship from another one doesn't sound healthy, but then, if you know you want to be with someone, why force yourself not to be, just for appearance's sake?
I think I know what you mean. I think she's with me because she wants to be, just not sure why if you see what I mean?
I know i've got a habit of saying the wrong thing to my girlfriend. I say all sorts of daft things that get taken ways in which i couldn't possibly have meant it.
Ahhhh....foot in mouth disease, I'm a perpetual sufferer too..
You really need to ask her what exactly she meant. There are things about exes i miss. I don't particularly like my current girlfriend's family. I really got on well with a few of my exes' families. I miss that. Doesn't mean i miss the ex, in a relationship type way.
TBH I hadn't even considered asking her, perhaps that shows just how short sighted I can be? There's nothing that I "miss" about my ex. The way she said it made it seem like she would rather be with him than with me.
does she maybe just mean she misses the stuff they used to do, and wants to hang out with him in a friends kinda way? If they haven't spoken to each other for ages, and they're just getting back in contact, perhaps they're ready to be friends again. wounds have healed and all that.
Suppose you could be right. It could just be one of those things. Like having a cigarette after you haven't had one for 6 months, you fell like you've missed it but deep down you realise that you're glad you don't smoke any more.
you're not over-reacting, but find out more about how she's feeling at the mo before you go shagging her best friend for revenge. :)
No worries there, he's not my type ;)
she's probably as confused as you. I imagine the nostalgia of talking to her ex again is making her forget all the **** parts of the relationship that landed her with you in the first place.
You could always hire a hitman. :)
:LOL:
Haven't got any money for that, I could always smother her while she's sleeping though ;) (JOKE!!!!!!!)
Seriously, thanks for your thoughts - much appreciated :tu:
mrlipring
26-06-2005, 00:05
I think I know what you mean. I think she's with me because she wants to be, just not sure why if you see what I mean?
don't question it. If she didn't want to be with you, she wouldn't be. She's not afraid of dumping someone, as you've already said.
TBH I hadn't even considered asking her, perhaps that shows just how short sighted I can be? There's nothing that I "miss" about my ex. The way she said it made it seem like she would rather be with him than with me.
then why isn't she? I know you were probably stunned and dumbfounded when she told you, so couldn't ask why, or didn't even register that you should, but in the morning get it sorted. In the meantime, get very, very drunk.
:LOL:
Haven't got any money for that, I could always smother her while she's sleeping though ;) (JOKE!!!!!!!)
Seriously, thanks for your thoughts - much appreciated :tu:
ermmm.. i meant for him. Kill her if you like, but that won't solve anything. :disturbd:
homealone
26-06-2005, 00:06
Personally me and my girlfriend have got on much better since we moved into seperate bedrooms, some nights she sleeps in my room but mainly moves into her room.
At first I took this badly which made more rows but having our own space at night, HAS brought us closer.
single beds are better for us, too, albeit, in the same room - I am very 'twitchy', apparently ;)
Raistlin
26-06-2005, 00:08
dIn the meantime, get very, very drunk.
One step ahead of you there (actually, several steps :) ).
ermmm.. i meant for him. Kill her if you like, but that won't solve anything. :disturbd:
Oh.....ok then..... :erm:
single beds are better for us, too, albeit, in the same room - I am very 'twitchy', apparently ;)
We have two different rooms both with king size beds :disturbd:
I am going to need separate rooms, or a deaf wife. I snore some terrible. The walls shake, plaster falls from the ceiling, car alarms go off, etc...
<snip>
Take a chill pill, and perhaps let this fume a day or two more, perhaps even encourage her to talk about her ex more, my gf tends sometimes to speak about her ex's and I listen.
I think she does it to relieve emotional tension. We have been going through a very rough patch and a few times I have been ready to ask her to leave my f&&king house now! but I held back, and tried to understand at her wavelength, no matter how fuming mad I was or how much it sounded like she was treating me for a joke or like ****.
We have two different rooms both with king size beds :disturbd:
No need to be :disturbd: It shows style imo. :tu:
I am going to need separate rooms, or a deaf wife. I snore some terrible. The walls shake, plaster falls from the ceiling, car alarms go off, etc...
Ladies and Gentlemen we now know the cause of the Tsunami. ;)
:disturbd:
__________________
No need to be :disturbd: It shows style imo. :tu:
:nworthy:
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Yay two gold pips :D
I am going to need separate rooms, or a deaf wife. I snore some terrible. The walls shake, plaster falls from the ceiling, car alarms go off, etc...
Ear plugs saved my sanity. :tu:
However now he's complaining about my snoring. :rolleyes:
Our son claims that we both snore like competing buzz saws. :Yikes:
I can't possibly comment on the noise that filters out from his room... :angel:
Well.....
My GF is currently sleeping in the other room, she went to bed on her own.....
I elected not to go to bed at the same time as her.
About 3 hours ago she told me how much she misses being with her ex boyfriend.....
ive not read through this thread through so here goes, first of all i would sit down with her and talk things out, now i would be disheartened if i heard that BUT you need to sit down and ask her if she really wants you to be the one, if hes still around then the affect on your relationship will be too much, so you need to sit down talk things over, ask her what she really wants, my prior experiance (in reading terms) in these situations generally means that emotionally she may still have feelings (we are human after all) for him still so aslong as your both adults you should sort this out and reach an amicable agreement.
how long have you two been going out with each other ?
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Cheers for the advice guys. I really don't know what I'm gonna do.
Anyone that knows me will tell you that I'm certainly not a whiner ;)
I just wanted a sanity check to make sure that I wasn't over reacting. My first reaction was to just boot her out of the house and let her make her own way home.
noooooo dont do that, its best to talk about it, shes had her feelings rekindeled by the meeting, love is a very complicated affair its hard to turn off feelings, especially when shes been out with him for a bite to eat, some talking and breathing space should do the trick.
sometimes you have to step back in a relationship and not be heated about things, if she really loves you then she will say it.
Ear plugs saved my sanity. :tu:
As for my son I can't possibly comment on the noise that filters out from his room... :angel:
Anyone see the rather funny plause to the above. :rofl:
Seems to me that she isn't ready to settle down with any one at the moment as she really doesn't know what she wants.
I really hope that you can get it sorted out
I havent read thr whole thread but it seems like you two have to sit down and talk.
Listen to why she feels like she misses her Ex and ask her how she sees the future between you two.
She needs to let you know where you stand and both of you can decide together what the best solution is and what needs to be done to get things back on track.
Remind her why she got together with you in the first place and then take on board what she tells you two. Then you can hopefully move on and get through it together. If she wants more fun, listen to wehat she has to say and then attemt to try more fun things.
I wish you the best of luck and hope all goes well for you.
Anyone see the rather funny plause to the above. :rofl:
*confused* funny what?
So Raist, how are things today after sleeping on it?
Hopefully better, apart from maybe a sore head?
Personally me and my girlfriend have got on much better since we moved into seperate bedrooms, some nights she sleeps in my room but mainly moves into her room.
At first I took this badly which made more rows but having our own space at night, HAS brought us closer.Nah....imo--thats just wierd :confused: :(.......but thats just me :)
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I am going to need separate rooms, or a deaf wife. I snore some terrible. The walls shake, plaster falls from the ceiling, car alarms go off, etc...Thats it......I'm not going to the LAN! :D
Raistlin
26-06-2005, 17:22
So Raist, how are things today after sleeping on it?
Hopefully better, apart from maybe a sore head?
Things are a little strained, she spent most of the night in tears and neither of us really got any sleep :(
We've not spoken much about it today, I'd rather leave it until tomorrow so that I've had a chance to calm down and I can approach things from a rational point of view.
Thanks again to everybdy for their advice last night :tu:
To be honest by leaving it there is a chance that she will think you don't care :(
To be honest by leaving it there is a chance that she will think you don't care :(
I concur!Speaking as a woman that is...I know men like to digest and mull things over but women like to thrash stuff out. :erm:
Raistlin
26-06-2005, 17:31
Yeah, she's definately a thrasher.
I'm more of a thinker.
The thing is that we're gonna do this on my terms, if she doesn't like that then she's welcome to walk away. I don't want to lose her but I'm not gonna dance to her tune all the time either.
Yeah, she's definately a thrasher.
I'm more of a thinker.
The thing is that we're gonna do this on my terms, if she doesn't like that then she's welcome to walk away. I don't want to lose her but I'm not gonna dance to her tune all the time either.
Ah well then it's not going to work between you.You need to meet HALFWAY between the two of you. :erm:
Not like another thread where one walked all over the other.That leaves bitterness.. :(
mrlipring
26-06-2005, 17:42
I dunno, i'm one of the "take control" brigade. 'specially seeing as she instigated all of this, and you're the one in the dark. She owes it to you.
Flubflow
26-06-2005, 18:10
What has she been thinking (or doing) and for how long before she plucked up the courage to finally tell you her thoughts? She probably already had doubts a while ago it seems. There is no real genuine halfway. You can't possibly trust her anymore and it will never really be quite the same as before so you might as well do the right thing now and dump her immediately.
If you both string it out further and she starts having a sly affair (you don't know where he's been before) then you could end up with an S.T.D. (and I don't mean Subscriber Trunk Dialing).
I know from personal experience that meeting an old long term girlfriend, made me feel as if I wanted to start seeing her again.
I did start seeing her again, and it soon brought back all the reasons why I dumped her in the first place. I guess its just like the old saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" It could be that she has forgotten all the reasons they split, and is only remembering the good things.
Raistlin
26-06-2005, 19:27
Well.....just thought I'd give you all an update and let you know how things have eventully panned out.
I won't bore you with the details, the short version is that we're not together any more :(
Just wanna say thanks to everybody for their advice last night and today, it means a lot to me :)
I think I need to draw a line under this whole thing and move on now, don't want to be wallowing in this when next weekend comes round. With that in mind, hopefully nobody will be offended if I ask for the next passing Team Member to close this thread for me please.
Thanks again everybody :tu:
MadGamer
26-06-2005, 19:30
Well.....just thought I'd give you all an update and let you know how things have eventully panned out.
I won't bore you with the details, the short version is that we're not together any more :(
Just wanna say thanks to everybody for their advice last night and today, it means a lot to me :)
I think I need to draw a line under this whole thing and move on now, don't want to be wallowing in this when next weekend comes round. With that in mind, hopefully nobody will be offended if I ask for the next passing Team Member to close this thread for me please.
Thanks again everybody :tu: Im happy for you Raist :) :tu:
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