View Full Version : Toilet - Hygeine/Health/Etiquette
In keeping with the trend in gutter posts lately, I thought I'd add a thought from about 5 minutes ago.
VindaPoo
On my latest of infrequent visits to the work facilities ( in a mission to deposit what is left of my friends very good corned beef vindaloo :tu: ) I took a vacant stall two doors from an occupied one.
Nothing out of the ordinary there, apart from when the poor chap nearby decided he was finished.
He proceeded to repeatedly roll the loo-paper, and wipe with the sort of vigor that would shame Michael Flatley.
The ass-rasping continued for at least 6 repetitions, by which time I was starting to wonder whether to call an ambulance on my mobile.
Fortunalty, it ended there and to my relief he washed his hands (not as common in our workplace as I would like).
My thought, basically, is that surely this guy is damaging himself by doing this?
Any doctors in the house that know a safe/correct way to wipe?
In keeping with the trend in gutter posts lately, I thought I'd add a thought from about 5 minutes ago.
VindaPoo
On my latest of infrequent visits to the work facilities ( in a mission to deposit what is left of my friends very good corned beef vindaloo :tu: ) I took a vacant stall two doors from an occupied one.
Nothing out of the ordinary there, apart from when the poor chap nearby decided he was finished.
He proceeded to repeatedly roll the loo-paper, and wipe with the sort of vigor that would shame Michael Flatley.
The ass-rasping continued for at least 6 repetitions, by which time I was starting to wonder whether to call an ambulance on my mobile.
Fortunalty, it ended there and to my relief he washed his hands (not as common in our workplace as I would like).
My thought, basically, is that surely this guy is damaging himself by doing this?
Any doctors in the house that know a safe/correct way to wipe?
Who cares as long as it's all gone :disturbd:
Raistlin
14-03-2005, 13:28
I thought I'd read it all.....
gary_580
14-03-2005, 13:29
whats there term for a voyeur who only listens ;)
My thought, basically, is that surely this guy is damaging himself by doing this?
He would be if he's using that tracing-paper-esque stuff you used to get in school
Any doctors in the house that know a safe/correct way to wipe?
If you're female, always front to back ;)
Anyway this remind me of a toilet encounter I had a few years back (not in the George Michael sense).
Was washing my hands when from one of the cubicles some bloke went "Hello?"
The guy in the adjacent cubicle said "Hello?" back.
Bloke 1 asked "So how are you then?"
Bloke 2 replied "Erm.....not bad"
"What have you been up to?"
"Errrr......shopping with the wife and kids...."
Then bloke number 1 said "Look, I'll have to call you back, some idiot next to me keeps answering my questions to you"
My thought, basically, is that surely this guy is damaging himself by doing this?To the best of my knowledge it's impossible to wipe your arse off...........so he's probably in no danger :D
__________________
whats there term for a voyeur who only listens ;)yep.........silv3r :D
He would be if he's using that tracing-paper-esque stuff you used to get in schooL
It certainly isn't far off that sort of stuff... I was in pain just listening to it. :disturbd:
You sure he was wiping his ass with vigour and not giving something else a work out? We're all hoping you didn't pop into the neighbouring stall to check for damage ;)
Then bloke number 1 said "Look, I'll have to call you back, some idiot next to me keeps answering my questions to you"
:tu: :D classic!!
You sure he was wiping his ass with vigour and not giving something else a work out? We're all hoping you didn't pop into the neighbouring stall to check for damage ;)
From the sound of it, he definitely bust a gut :erm:
Or a hemorrhoid....You mean 'arse-grapes'? :D
The main thing that annoys me is people who dont wash their hands, and when there are loads of doors to get in to the toilets.
I'l explain.... Lets say you go to the toilet. You do your business and Joe bloggs comes out before you and doesnt wash his hands.
You however, come out and wash your hands.
BUT.... to get out of the toilet, you are going to have to pull open the same door Joe Bloggs pulled open a few seconds ago, meaning all the germs are going to fall onto you again. !!!
I personally avoid all public toilets.
TheBlueRaja
14-03-2005, 14:55
When dropping the kids off at the pool, I tend to use several sheaf's just to make sure - but have never counted the amount.
Besides, it depends on whats going on - if - as you say it was a Vindapoo then it could be a lot - however the, thankfully, less common - "Pray and Spray" or "Bleeding the Radiator" variety may require less due to it being more liquid by nature.
The worst one has to be turtle or the limpet though - the one that refuses to come out the whole way no matter how much you push - and attatches itself to your cornholio for no apparent reason other than you ate too much stodgy white bread. There could be no limit to the number of sheaf's required for that baby.
The worst one has to be turtle or the limpet though - the one that refuses to come out the whole way no matter how much you push - and attatches itself to your cornholio for no apparent reason other than you ate too much stodgy white bread.
Yeah - and women say we don't know what childbirth is like. :disturbd:
Yeah - and women say we don't know what childbirth is like. :disturbd:
Well, they're right - we don't. However, that is mostly because I'm unaware of any new-born child weighing what feels like 4 stone (or, at least, that's how much lighter you feel after it :disturbd: ), or having the consistency of granite (particularly after a night on the Guinness) :erm: :shocked:
Yeah - and women say we don't know what childbirth is like. :disturbd:
Water Baby
It looks like water.. but feels like a baby ;)
:rofl: :D :rofl:
http://tinyurl.com/4qozj
What about Ghost poo? You swear blind you dropped it but when you stand up to admire it.....it has mysteriously vanished....
I also hate bum goblins too. Just as you're grunting out a chocolate egg, it stings so much you'd believe a goblin popped up out of the pan and bit you on the bum.
And so Cable Forum sinks lower and lower into the gutter. :erm:
And so Cable Forum sinks lower and lower into the gutter. :erm:
Don't be daft - we passed the gutter a looooooooooong time ago :D
And so Cable Forum sinks lower and lower into the gutter. :erm:
Helped along by members of the Forum Team ;) Anway I think you'll find this thread is waaaay below the gutter :p:
Back on topic please.. I don't want my good name sullied by these purile attempts at humour :erm: :disturbd:
Anyone got any practical tips for maximum removal of matter on a per sheet basis?
Back on topic please.. I don't want my good name sullied by these purile attempts at humour :erm: :disturbd:
Anyone got any practical tips for maximum removal of matter on a per sheet basis?
J-cloths are meant to pretty good - one sheet and a nice shiny bum everytime (depending on how much bleach you put on it) :erm: :p:
ian@huth
14-03-2005, 15:39
Back on topic please.. I don't want my good name sullied by these purile attempts at humour :erm: :disturbd:
Anyone got any practical tips for maximum removal of matter on a per sheet basis?Use a decent quality paper (we use Charmin) and make sure your fingers are in the middle of the sheet and not over the perforations. :D
J-cloths are meant to pretty good - one sheet and a nice shiny bum everytime (depending on how much bleach you put on it) :erm: :p:
Spoken with a spanish accent?? ;)
Let us not forget, none of the mods/admins need to use paper anyway... the amount of wannabe's on CF is sufficient to keep double that quota of rear's spotless all year round.
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ian@huth
14-03-2005, 15:41
J-cloths are meant to pretty good - one sheet and a nice shiny bum everytime (depending on how much bleach you put on it) :erm: :p:I hate it when someone pours bleach down the toilet and just leaves it and you get a splashback when you go. :)
Let us not forget, none of the mods/admins need to use paper anyway... the amount of wannabe's on CF is sufficient to keep double that quota of rear's spotless all year round.
http://s1lv3r.com/gfx/admin.jpg
Nice ;) one from your personal collection is it? :p:
ian@huth
14-03-2005, 15:45
Which do you find most efficient, wiping from the side or from between your legs?
I'm surprised nobody has asked which hand they use to wipe their bum. :D
From the side?!?
Don't you find you have a leg or two in the way??
Which do you find most efficient, wiping from the side or from between your legs?
I'm surprised nobody has asked which hand they use to wipe their bum. :D
Hand? Awww dammit I knew I was doing it wrong :cry: ;) :p:
Hand? Awww dammit I knew I was doing it wrong :cry: ;) :p:
I bet your cat's getting rrrrreeeeaaaallllllllyyyy annoyed with you then :D
Hand? Awww dammit I knew I was doing it wrong :cry: ;) :p:
I bet your cat's getting rrrrreeeeaaaallllllllyyyy annoyed with you then :D
Don't have a cat but the dogs starting to smell a bit ;)
Finally found somewhere to use this .....
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/irene.keeler/toilet.gif
Nice ;) one from your personal collection is it? :p:
Of course :) .. it comes out of the closet for the most vomit inducing, creepy, slimy comments from the posting underclass.
I use wet wipes... my son's not needed 'em for years, but I still buy 'em and we always have a handy stash next to the Andrex. Kandoo's are pretty good, they smell nice but are a bit more expensive than others.
For maximum effectiveness, I recommend using Andrex first, to soak up as much as poss, followed by Kandoo to make sure, followed by Andrex cause you don't wanna walk round with a wet bum. Using Kandoo first tends to just smear it about, which is always a bad thing :sick:
I use wet wipes... my son's not needed 'em for years, but I still buy 'em and we always have a handy stash next to the Andrex. Kandoo's are pretty good, they smell nice but are a bit more expensive than others.
For maximum effectiveness, I recommend using Andrex first, to soak up as much as poss, followed by Kandoo to make sure, followed by Andrex cause you don't wanna walk round with a wet bum. Using Kandoo first tends to just smear it about, which is always a bad thing :sick:
Top advice :tu: , original and interesting enough for me to want to try it.
homealone
14-03-2005, 16:15
I use wet wipes... my son's not needed 'em for years, but I still buy 'em and we always have a handy stash next to the Andrex. Kandoo's are pretty good, they smell nice but are a bit more expensive than others.
For maximum effectiveness, I recommend using Andrex first, to soak up as much as poss, followed by Kandoo to make sure, followed by Andrex cause you don't wanna walk round with a wet bum. Using Kandoo first tends to just smear it about, which is always a bad thing :sick:
another vote for wet wipes - Tesco for us, method exactly as above.
-very soothing if kept in the fridge ready for those 10 pints of Guinness & a Vindaloo moments ;)
Top advice :tu: , original and interesting enough for me to want to try it.
s1lv3r, if it's original and interesting enough for you, you were obviously never a student. I bet there's hundreds of ex-students who've used newspaper, kitchen roll, the aforementioned J-cloth, or was that just me :erm: :disturbd:
Having said that, when I was at college, I knew one guy who, if he ran out of bog roll just used to get straight in the shower afterwards :Yikes:
Mr_love_monkey
14-03-2005, 16:22
s1lv3r, if it's original and interesting enough for you, you were obviously never a student. I bet there's hundreds of ex-students who've used newspaper, kitchen roll, the aforementioned J-cloth, or was that just me :erm: :disturbd:
Next you'll be talking about Brillo pads!
Thankfully when I was a student I always lived with girls, who always made sure there was some :)
Next you'll be talking about Brillo pads!
Thankfully when I was a student I always lived with girls, who always made sure there was some :)
Nothing wrong with brillo pads - it's the pan scoureres that you've got to be careful with :shocked: :disturbd:
Next you'll be talking about Brillo pads!
Thankfully when I was a student I always lived with girls, who always made sure there was some :)
Nothing wrong with brillo pads - it's the pan scoureres that you've got to be careful with :shocked: :disturbd:
Nah, it's the Mr Muscle oven cleaner that gets the job done ;)
Nah, it's the Mr Muscle oven cleaner that gets the job done ;)
Or should that be Mr (sphyncter) Muscle?
Mr_love_monkey
14-03-2005, 16:27
Or should that be Mr (sphyncter) Muscle?
Adds a whole new meaning to the advert tag line :
'Loves the job(bie)s you hate....'
Well this thread can only get one award....
Download Failed (1)
You may all wear it..With pride if that is what floats your boat... ;)
5hit award for the 5hittest thread ever seen. 47 posts of pure excrement.
MovedGoalPosts
14-03-2005, 17:22
Which do you find most efficient, wiping from the side or from between your legs?
I'm surprised nobody has asked which hand they use to wipe their bum. :D
Can somebody add a vote to this thread? :eek:
Dave Stones
14-03-2005, 17:28
Having said that, when I was at college, I knew one guy who, if he ran out of bog roll just used to get straight in the shower afterwards :Yikes:
*looks around sheepishly* welllllllll..... it does the job...:erm:
*realises he has said too much, walks off again...*
My guess is that it would be a simple handedness vote.. unless we have a few ambidexterous members. The pricision required would therefore mean that people wipe with their preferred hand.
Although I like the idea of everyone wiping with their left hand, I think that went out along with the original meaning of "kack-handed".
J-cloths are meant to pretty good - one sheet and a nice shiny bum everytime (depending on how much bleach you put on it) :erm: :p:
Thanks..
Just found a J cloth with a dodgy looking stain on it.... Euurggh...
I think that this post illustrates that we have all 'known' each other for quite a while now :erm: :D
5hit award for the 5hittest thread ever seen. 47 posts of pure excrement.
And not one mention of Nottingham Forest.:p: :D
5hit award for the 5hittest thread ever seen. 47 posts of pure excrement.
And not one mention of Notts Forest.:p:
Why would a non-entity get a mention. "Notts Forest", as you blithely put it, don't exist.
I hate it when someone pours bleach down the toilet and just leaves it and you get a splashback when you go. :)
Is that a special technical term ?
Anway I think you'll find this thread is waaaay below the gutter :p:
In fact, I'd say to be defintately accurate, its in the sewer.
Paul, you are todays best emoticon finder. That rocks. :D
Raistlin
14-03-2005, 18:28
I'm surprised nobody has asked which hand they use to wipe their bum. :D
Don't use either hand, use Charmin.....
<Cue the tumbleweeds>
I think this is the best solution for comfort ;)
http://www.bizarrenews.com/images/grater.jpg
Raistlin
14-03-2005, 18:51
What begins with N ends with N and sounds like constapation?
NnnnnnnnnnnnNNNNNNnnnnnnnnnnnNNNNNnnnnnnNNNNNnnnnn nnN
allieyoung666
14-03-2005, 18:56
my andrex has got puppies on it.............AHHHHH nice and soft!!!!!!!
TheBlueRaja
14-03-2005, 19:05
Hmmm, puppies...
Beats a J cloth.
Why would a non-entity get a mention. "Notts Forest", as you blithely put it, don't exist.
Seeing as you're the only one who seems to be bothered by that, not too many people will listen :D
zoombini
14-03-2005, 22:20
wet wipes are extremely useful if someone ever has hemmeroids, especially in the workplace wher AFAIK it is law that the paper must be wafer thin & 200 grade wet/dry like. :D
allieyoung666
14-03-2005, 22:21
what is wrong with having puppies on yer loo roll???
Why would a non-entity get a mention. "Notts Forest", as you blithely put it, don't exist.
Seeing as you're the only one who seems to be bothered by that, not too many people will listen :D
Hmm, I'll think you'll find most forest fans are ****ed off about it. But there aren't many forest fans on here really.
[Lancashire Utd anyone?]
(Let's not let this get too OT anyway!)
Living in a house with 2 ther blokes.. bog roll shortages are comon place.. they are both advocates of getting in the shower straight afterwards, where i go for a j cloth, the only problems with j cloths is that they only rip in one direction...
I shall no leave this thread and never return :)
I shall no leave this thread and never return :)
Could you please elaborate on the logistics of that statement? :)
Could you please elaborate on the logistics of that statement? :)
I could but i might have ti hurt you after i told you.. but damn it im back here agin tsch :)
Talking of toilets... it reminds me of when I was in my 1st year at uni, and I went to a party being held at a house shared by a girl I was mad about at the time. Anyway, after having had a bit too much to drink and some handmade cigarettes, I needed to go to the toilet. After being violently sick in her toilet, I got to my feet, washed my hands and face, and turned around to flush the toilet. Unfortunately, the handle snapped off in my hand so I couldn't flush it away, and the cistern was some in-built thing so I couldn't even lift that off and force it to flush.
Strangely enough, the girl wasn't impressed with me..
Talking of toilets... it reminds me of when I was in my 1st year at uni, and I went to a party being held at a house shared by a girl I was mad about at the time. Anyway, after having had a bit too much to drink and some handmade cigarettes, I needed to go to the toilet. After being violently sick in her toilet, I got to my feet, washed my hands and face, and turned around to flush the toilet. Unfortunately, the handle snapped off in my hand so I couldn't flush it away, and the cistern was some in-built thing so I couldn't even lift that off and force it to flush.
Strangely enough, the girl wasn't impressed with me..
Thats a classic!!!!
nuff respect!
budwieser
17-03-2005, 20:59
I`m surprised that no-body`s mentioned the old joke about the Bear and the Rabbit in the woods having a s**t next to each other and the Bear says to the Rabbit " Doesn`t the s**t stick to your fur then"? etc etc etc:)
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