View Full Version : Lonely hearts thread
greencreeper
12-02-2005, 15:34
In view of the looming date, which for some is a sad time, your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to write in no more than 20 words a lonely hearts column ad. Feel free to use the usual cheesy lines and abbreviations (WLTM, GSOH).
Good looking young dwarf, athletic, with a penchant for nasal mucus dispersal seeks similiar for friendship, fun and maybe more.
only for a laugh........:erm:
youngish, fitness instructor looking for freindship & more with an irish lass with deep firey red hair and green eyes.
does anyone like this exist????????
:D
ik
wanted: Mad Woman.
Yes? You called? :D ;)
38 yr old mad haired curvy solvent single woman seeks younger man for mutual adoration. Will travel.
NB:
For curvy read overwight
For solvent read hasn't been caught yet
For will travel read desperate
woman seeks younger man
Read midlife crisis :D
Semi-attached male travels a lot, looking for accoma dating woman , women , :erm: ... other, must have GSOH viewing will explain this ;)
All response's with pics please
Signed .... Sgt Pepper x x x
Semi-attached male travels a lot, looking for accoma dating woman , women , :erm: ... other, must have GSOH viewing will explain this ;)
All response's with pics please
Signed .... Sgt Pepper x x x
Semi-attached ? Does that mean some bits are falling off? ;)
If anyone wants pics of you....... i can oblige :p: :D
Old fat git seeks stunning nubile 24 yr old supermodel nymphomaniac millionaire brewery heiress - no time wasters please.
homealone
12-02-2005, 18:06
Early 50's man, slightly built and still very agile, wears glasses but still with most of own hair & teeth, GSOH, seeks vivacious, intelligent, sensitive woman for tender talks & mutual understanding.
Early 50's man, slightly built and still very agile, wears glasses but still with most of own hair & teeth, GSOH, seeks vivacious, intelligent, sensitive woman for tender talks & mutual understanding.
Think i've said this before but.......
Yes? You called? :p: ;)
__________________
Slave to love seeks Master of fortune.........
Future bonding ensured.
No credit cards accepted, cash in hand only
:p:
timewarrior2001
12-02-2005, 18:32
Wanted, one prostitute with anything goes attitude :D
aliferste
12-02-2005, 19:07
Shy guy, likes to read,cinema,walking .gsoh. wltm anyone with similar interests. MUST HAVE MASSIVE BREASTS!
greencreeper
12-02-2005, 19:09
:D
A big "awwwwwww" at homealone and lol at marina. Somehow I don't think you'll find her nikko :p: I can see many of you have scanned the lonely hearts columns before now :D
lol at aliferste - it was going well til the "MUST HAVE MASSIVE BREASTS" part :D
Richard M
12-02-2005, 19:09
Wanted: Angelina Jolie. Lookalikes and body doubles considered.
Raistlin
12-02-2005, 19:19
Could this be the result of an overly effective lonely hearts advert:
For Sale: Entire set of Encyclopedia Britannica, no longer needed, new wife knows everything.
cash in hand only
Aww that's a shame :naughty:
I Wonder if this thread could lead to a spin off .... Mr & Mrs ???
greencreeper
12-02-2005, 19:34
If anyone gets a response to their ad, tell us about it :erm: :D
MUST HAVE MASSIVE BREASTS!
define massive al. ;)
gaz... your one was really sweet but you forgot to add "disco diva" ;)
greencreeper
12-02-2005, 19:38
Where's your ad bex? I take it that you're working on it? :)
Where's your ad bex? I take it that you're working on it? :)
maybe ;) come on give me a break first time i've posted in agessssss:D
Fat bearded guy seeks woman (anyone now I am not bothered) - pulse preferable.
:p:Looking for a Woman, any will do:rolleyes:
greencreeper
12-02-2005, 19:45
maybe ;) come on give me a break first time i've posted in agessssss:D
Awwwww :hugs:
I can see some people are more lonely than others :p: :D
Awwwww :hugs:
I can see some people are more lonely than others :p: :D
thanks for the hug hun..... atm not looking for anyone but if i was to put an ad i would say
20 something lady looking for kind, sensitive, trustworthy feller.
greencreeper
12-02-2005, 19:52
thanks for the hug hun..... atm not looking for anyone but if i was to put an ad i would say
20 something lady looking for kind, sensitive, trustworthy feller.
Gonna take some finding :(
Gonna take some finding :(
lucky i've already found him then ;) :p:
Gonna take some finding :(
:wavey:
:LOL:
greencreeper
12-02-2005, 20:02
:wavey:
:LOL:
:D
I always seem to trust the wrong ones :rolleyes:
Hey! Russ is a stud!
...a bar stud......
Wanted, good cook, cleaner, looks not too important, I'm just sick of doing all the bloody work myself.;)
Aww that's a shame :naughty:
........[Snipped]
Well...... i would offer to take you in hand but i've seen the picture and not sure my hands are big enough to handle your.......... shall we call it.. ego :eek: :naughty:
Perhaps i should just stick to the cash :D :p:
Well...... i would offer to take you in hand but i've seen the picture and not sure my hands are big enough to handle your.......... shall we call it.. ego :eek: :naughty:
Perhaps i should just stick to the cash :D :p:
Perhaps, you could write a feem toon and sing the feem toon too? ;)
aliferste
12-02-2005, 21:28
define massive al. ;)
Something to really get your chops er....around!.
Like a big burger ...only better :)
Perhaps, you could write a feem toon and sing the feem toon too? ;)
Awwwww....... my looking for lurve days are over......... my favourite man is here :romance: :hugs:
;)
Something to really get your chops er....around!.
Like a big burger ...only better :)
:LOL:
For sale.
One 50 something grumpy old man.Useless at DIY,changing the toilet roll,remembering birthdays,anniversaries,shopping lists or making telephone calls before dinner is in the dog.
Frankly I'm not interested in a replacement.
Yes I'm joking-after 31 years I'm too old to change my ways. :D
Earl of Bronze
12-02-2005, 22:53
Rather broken thirty something Ulsterman, seeks lost soulmate.
:D Yes? You called? :D ;)You got one already ain'tcha?
Wanted: attractive female, must be willing to share.
(as I already have one I'm not giving up :) )
:D You got one already ain'tcha?
Already got one what? :angel:
homealone
12-02-2005, 23:36
Already got one what? :angel:
admirer - there are loads ;) :angel:
admirer - there are loads ;) :angel:
Really? :erm: Well, meeting me should put a stop to that nonsense :D
Really? Well, meeting me should put a stop to that nonsense
I did / have and it didn't :naughty:
Anywho, speaking of lonely hearts, it's 01.50 and I've just finished work, sat on ' my ' bed in a hotel room alllllllllll alone :( .. lonely ???? nah, I got my tinnies ;)
greencreeper
13-02-2005, 02:56
Rather like life itself, this thread alternates between moments of humour and moments of great poignancy and pathos.
Rather like life itself, this thread alternates between moments of humour and moments of great poignancy and pathos.
Oooooh, thats deep ..... said the actress to the bishop ;)
but yeah, many a true word and all that :tu:
I did / have and it didn't :naughty:
..........[snipped]
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeess...... but you were always completely drunk, which might have helped in my attractiveness stakes ;) and while you were in my room, i've also seen you eat a moth that was obviously in your no fly zone http://www.screamingmiranda.com/Boppy.gif
So both our attractiveness scores are just growing and growing by the minute :erm: ;) :LOL:
keithwalton
13-02-2005, 10:57
young free single student, wltm someone to end the dreary nights in home alone.
Not looking forward to tomorrow, but the day after when the media bombardment stops
Unconventionally attractive middle aged spinster. No children or past marriages. Likes travelling. Prone to drinking alone... or should that be drinks and ends up prone and alone
NB. For further details see most other mags and dating internet sites under name: lonesome dove
Edit: Have had a complaint that i used more than the stipulated amount of words in my ad :eek: What can i say? I should add these words to my ad then.... italian, wordy, and never does what she's told. Needs punishing ;)
Needs punishing
I would like to volunteer for the post :naughty: what can I say ? it's a dirty job but someone's gotta do it.
I would like to volunteer for the post :naughty: what can I say ? it's a dirty job but someone's gotta do it.
Judging from your blog, you don't have the time or would be too tired anyway :D
Think you forgot that bit in your ad ;)
Dammit! It's Valentine's Day tomorrow and all us single people will be made to feel like lepers :rolleyes:
Already got one what? :angel:Dunno......i was faced when I wrote that and I'm b*ggered if I can remember what I was on about :disturbd: :D
Dunno......i was faced when I wrote that and I'm b*ggered if I can remember what I was on about :disturbd: :D
Ahhhhhhhh posting in stunned mullet mode were you? :p:
Perhaps you could include that in your lonely hearts ad......
More fish in the sea?
Go fishing no longer.....i'm your catch of the day!
:p:
Judging from your blog, you don't have the time or would be too tired anyway :D
Think you forgot that bit in your ad ;)
Dammit! It's Valentine's Day tomorrow and all us single people will be made to feel like lepers :rolleyes:
Why?
Even couples can't be a*sed about Valentines day.It's such a blatant rip off. ;)
My husband will be out at a British Legion meeting tomorrow so I don't forsee any tender moments.It's business as usual(apart from it being half term holiday)for us.
At least you singles have the freedom to do what you want when you want instead of having to check with another person.Nice to be able to turn the TV off and listen to some music or just go out without having to 'ask' permission.
Chimaera
13-02-2005, 18:32
Mmmm - well I've had both sides of the coin Coggy and I know which I prefer! :) :hugs: I just retain control of the remotes - and we have our own pc's! :D
Why?
Even couples can't be a*sed about Valentines day.It's such a blatant rip off. ;)
My husband will be out at a British Legion meeting tomorrow so I don't forsee any tender moments.It's business as usual(apart from it being half term holiday)for us.
At least you singles have the freedom to do what you want when you want instead of having to check with another person.Nice to be able to turn the TV off and listen to some music or just go out without having to 'ask' permission.
Oh i know that :) and i don't have a problem with being alone..... not even on valentine's day :shrug: I like my own company..... which is just as well :erm: :p:
But i keep getting asked what i'll be doing on that day/evening and when i say nothing....... i get that sympathetic and condescending Awwwwwwwww! :( and the look :rolleyes:
Of course valentine's day is a rip off and a marketing dream..... it's like christmas these days.... and the idea that it's a group and family festivity and if you're alone....... you can't possibly be enjoying yourself :D
Needs punishing ;)
I have a certain expertise in related areas if you'd care to PM me :naughty:
I have a certain expertise in related areas if you'd care to PM me :naughty:
Oh don't you start as well :LOL: Oooooh the PMs i've been getting ;)
you forget graham..... i know about your site already :D
Oh i know that :) and i don't have a problem with being alone..... not even on valentine's day :shrug: I like my own company..... which is just as well :erm: :p:
But i keep getting asked what i'll be doing on that day/evening and when i say nothing....... i get that sympathetic and condescending Awwwwwwwww! :( and the look :rolleyes:
Of course valentine's day is a rip off and a marketing dream..... it's like christmas these days.... and the idea that it's a group and family festivity and if you're alone....... you can't possibly be enjoying yourself :D
Ah scr*w them.They are just jealous really and are trying to make you feel sorry for yourself. ;)
Ah scr*w them.They are just jealous really and are trying to make you feel sorry for yourself. ;)
No.......... tomorrow, if i get asked, i'm going to tell them that my 26 yr old bf is taking me out and then he's going drag me home to bonk me silly all night, till i have to beg him to stop.....
Then i'll say........ why? what are you doing? :D
Racey alcoholic seeks younger model, must like Man U, McD's and be available anytime, anyplace and anywhere :D :D :D
Racey alcoholic seeks younger model, must like Man U, McD's and be available anytime, anyplace and anywhere :D :D :D
If you put blonde in there, that should double your chances :D
Racey alcoholic seeks younger model, must like Man U, McD's and be available anytime, anyplace and anywhere :D :D :D
that's me out then!
:D
ik
Nice to be able to turn the TV off and listen to some music or just go out without having to 'ask' permission.
Trust the voice of experience to home in on the honest, sad truth. Add to that, nice to able to watch the TV without Nickelodeon or music without Natasha Bedingfield. Compulsory sterilisation is the ideal Valentines gift for those of procreational age!!
Trust the voice of experience to home in on the honest, sad truth. Add to that, nice to able to watch the TV without Nickelodeon or music without Natasha Bedingfield. Compulsory sterilisation is the ideal Valentines gift for those of procreational age!!
Can you not just post an ad? It's just a bit of fun you know :shrug: the 'voice of experience' did ;)
Come on andyl....... i'd like to read your lonely hearts ad if no one else does :)
Earl of Bronze
13-02-2005, 19:14
Can you not just post an ad? It's just a bit of fun you know :shrug: the 'voice of experience' did ;)
Come on andyl....... i'd like to read your lonely hearts ad if no one else does :)
I think hes trying to steal my place on the CF, as the angry and bitterly dissolusioned, world weary human. And I'm not giving that position to anyone. ;)
bhoywonder1967
13-02-2005, 19:17
Racey alcoholic seeks younger model, must like Man U, McD's and be available anytime, anyplace and anywhere :D :D :D
Younger Model: Check (after reading your birthday thread maybe not!!)
Man U : Celtic & The Gunners :p:
McD's : Gotta love those Bacon Doubles at BK
Available : Tuesdays pm, Thursdays pm and Sundays all day
Well 1 out of 4 aint bad is it :D
That makes it 0 out of 4 :dunce:
I think hes trying to steal my place on the CF, as the angry and bitterly dissolusioned, world weary human. And I'm not giving that position to anyone. ;)
That's all very well but i can look after my own eggs thank you very much :D :p:
World weary? Oh don't get me started :erm:
But then i save that for my work colleagues and a monday morning :p:
Single 22 male seeks female companion for late night cuddles. Will settle for chubby bloke if b00bs feel right.
Tezcatlipoca
13-02-2005, 19:44
lonely 27yo single male seeks 20-something woman to mend his broken heart...or failing that, lots of sex.
Sorry, bitter and disillusioned I may be (add to that twisted) but my heart is not lonely. My better half says I'm only saying that cos she's over my shoulder mind you (true, incidentally. That she's over my shoulder I mean!)
lonely 27yo single male seeks 20-something woman to mend his broken heart...or failing that, lots of sex.
at least your honest matt ;)
Compulsory sterilisation is the ideal Valentines gift for those of procreational age!!
Aha! A self proclaimed liberal who is actually a closet totalitarian megalomaniac! :D ;)
--refreshing! :p:
Aha! A self proclaimed liberal who is actually a closet totalitarian megalomaniac! :D ;)
You forgot smug from the liberal description! Sterilisation is in the interests of everyone's social lives. I mean I have kids so have an excuse for being on the forum of a weekend.... :)
Marina, you take good care of those eggs!
Ok, my lonely ad. Po-faced nearly 40 thing with ill-matching eyebrows seeks like minded miserabilist to vociferously aid righteous causes. GSOH essential;)
You forgot smug from the liberal description! Sterilisation is in the interests of everyone's social lives. I mean I have kids so have an excuse for being on the forum of a weekend.... :)
Marina, you take good care of those eggs!
Ok, my lonely ad. Po-faced nearly 40 thing with ill-matching eyebrows seeks like minded miserabilist to vociferously aid righteous causes. GSOH essential;)
YAYY!! for liberal smugness!! :D Better than anal facist...... in my opinion anyway ;)
And don't you worry about my eggs...... i know they're in danger of being pounced on at this time of year, what with it being almost easter and all ;) so they're well protected :D
Po-faced? Are you trying to tell us you're actually one of the Tellytubbies? :eek: Could explain why people don't seem to understand what you're saying in threads much of the time and need you to repeat yourself ;) :D
Could explain why people don't seem to understand what you're saying in threads much of the time and need you to repeat yourself ;) :D
I like the sound of my own keyboard I guess. There is an alternative explanation but this is the thread of love and joy (oh yeah, and loneliness!)
budwieser
14-02-2005, 19:10
YAYY!! for liberal smugness!! :D Better than anal facist...... in my opinion anyway ;)
And don't you worry about my eggs...... i know they're in danger of being pounced on at this time of year, what with it being almost easter and all ;) so they're well protected :D
Po-faced? Are you trying to tell us you're actually one of the Tellytubbies? :eek: Could explain why people don't seem to understand what you're saying in threads much of the time and need you to repeat yourself ;) :D
Great Thread!!!! But what is an " Anal Facist"???????????:erm:
Chimaera
14-02-2005, 19:13
Great Thread!!!! But what is an " Anal Facist"???????????:erm:
:erm: Well having Googled for that term, I think it might be a typo! :Yikes:
Or perhaps not? :shrug: :D
It's not a typo........ it's a fascist without the 'S' :D
Although i seem to have even outdone myself this time..... just checked UrbanDictionary.com and it has this....
3. facist
one who is in love with the face
his nose, his eyes, his ears..ooohhh im a facist!!!
Source: gay (http://www.urbandictionary.com/author.php?author=gay), May 12, 2003
Anal facist? :erm: I really should be more careful with my typing ;)
Single 26yo male, seeks good fun femail for fun and frolicks :sick: Own health insurance with cover for partner prefered but can be worked on, must like stupid amounts of guinea pigs..
Great Thread!!!! But what is an " Anal Facist"???????????:erm:
And who ;)
__________________
Great Thread!!!! But what is an " Anal Facist"???????????:erm:
My definition is ludicrous right winger who can defy the laws of nature by both being up, and talking out of his/her, own @rse simultaneously :)
My definition is ludicrous right winger who can defy the laws of nature by both being up, and talking out of his/her, own @rse simultaneously :)
That works for me too :tu: :p: i mean the definition, of course :erm: ;)
wanted: a woman who does not want to be taken for a ride (unless its in the bedroom :naughty: :D ) must be kind, coutreous, outgoing, and willing to put up with a polite young male, who just wants to have a good time and have some fun, but have a meaningful and happy relationship, im not fussy :)
wanted: a woman who does not want to be taken for a ride (unless its in the bedroom :naughty: :D ) must be kind, coutreous, outgoing, and willing to put up with a polite young male, who just wants to have a good time and have some fun, but have a meaningful and happy relationship, im not fussy :)
Looks like you'll end up in the sin bin with Marina. Still thats one way of meeting women then :)
Looks like you'll end up in the sin bin with Marina. Still thats one way of meeting women then :)
well i dont know why i dont click with women, no im not gay and i have no intention of turning :erm: im just too shy and quiet..... :(
well i dont know why i dont click with women, no im not gay and i have no intention of turning :erm: im just too shy and quiet..... :(
Yeah, that's a good strategy - never fails. Oh, what's that, you were being serious. Oh sorry Kronas! :) ;)
Yeah, that's a good strategy - never fails. Oh, what's that, you were being serious. Oh sorry Kronas! :) ;)
shut it smug liberal ;)
well i dont know why i dont click with women, no im not gay and i have no intention of turning :erm: im just too shy and quiet..... :(
I know how you feel mate, i'm the same way. I find it nigh on impossible to just walk upto a woman and start talking to her. People laugh at me (especially my brothers), but they just don't understand. I just lack that part of the brain (and other parts too depending on who you ask on here too :) )
Chimaera
14-02-2005, 20:08
It's not a typo........ it's a fascist without the 'S' :D
Must make that opticians appointment! :D
Looks like you'll end up in the sin bin with Marina. Still thats one way of meeting women then :)
I'm in the sin bin ? :confused:
Is that a good thing? :erm: or are you implying i'm trash ? :eek:
;)
Chimaera
14-02-2005, 20:43
I'm in the sin bin ? :confused:
Is that a good thing? :erm: or are you implying i'm trash ? :eek:
;)
No - just means you can behave sinfully while you're in there! ;) :LOL:
Enjoy! :D
No - just means you can behave sinfully while you're in there! ;) :LOL:
Enjoy! :D
Especially as Kronas is in there..
Especially as Kronas is in there..
i think its a proposition i wont refuse :shocked: :shocking: :p:
homealone
15-02-2005, 00:48
grey haired dancer, likes soft top girls, willing to wait until toyboy has fled to France, any blonde friends a bonus :D
For those of you out there who thought the age of romance was dead: http://www.manchesteronline.co.uk/news/s/146/146261_love_is_in_the_air_for_delayed_strangers.ht ml
My favourite phrase in this: "They had been having sex in the BMI channel". Sounds saucy.
For those of you out there who thought the age of romance was dead: http://www.manchesteronline.co.uk/news/s/146/146261_love_is_in_the_air_for_delayed_strangers.ht ml
My favourite phrase in this: "They had been having sex in the BMI channel". Sounds saucy.
Hmmm! I don't see much romance in that.Just lust and a lack of respect for themselves or anyone else.
Hmmm! I don't see much romance in that.Just lust and a lack of respect for themselves or anyone else.
Well yes, can't disagree with that. Anyway word is it must have been the BMI rather than the BMIbaby channel. You get no frills with BMIbaby you see. Boom! Boom!
Nymphomaniac Blonde Bombshell seeks Millionaire Toyboy, prefer pulse but not essential. All replys answered, willing to travel (New York, Paris and Rome preferred ;) )
Nymphomaniac Blonde Bombshell seeks Millionaire Toyboy, prefer pulse but not essential. All replys answered, willing to travel (New York, Paris and Rome preferred ;) )
Wouldn't a relationship with a cardiologically challenged childless octogenarian millionaire be more fruitful ? ;) :D
TheBlueRaja
15-02-2005, 22:36
Baldy man seeks baldy girl to buff my dome, must have GSOH and no flakey bits.
Nymphomaniac Blonde Bombshell seeks Millionaire Toyboy, prefer pulse but not essential. All replys answered, willing to travel (New York, Paris and Rome preferred ;) )I like the nymphomaniac bit! ;) :naughty:
Funny how people can always spell nymphomaniac :D
greencreeper
15-02-2005, 23:10
Funny how people can always spell nymphomaniac :D
I can always spell anaesthetic :erm:
I can always spell anaesthetic :erm:
I spell it Carlsberg Special Brew :cool:
homealone
15-02-2005, 23:48
I spell it Carlsberg Special Brew :cool:
that would send me to headache city
- however the cabernet sauvignon does no such thing :angel:
- I have seen bb31, I wish I was a millionaire :cool:
<edit> she does look a lot like her avatar ;)
I would like to meet her then - few women usually match my beer gut :Yikes:
homealone
16-02-2005, 00:06
I would like to meet her then - few women usually match my beer gut :Yikes:
you might need to lose the gut, this lady was thin last time I saw her ;)
Nymphomaniac Blonde Bombshell seeks Millionaire Toyboy, prefer pulse but not essential. All replys answered, willing to travel (New York, Paris and Rome preferred ;) )
:waving:
Well, I'm in London and not a Millionaire... On the bright side, I do have a pulse..
:D
you might need to lose the gut, this lady was thin last time I saw her ;)
I am sure she is delightful IRL - but surely the avatar (and her alleged likeness thereto) depicts a somewhat stout profile with a slight leaning to midriff spread?
I am sure she is delightful IRL - but surely the avatar (and her alleged likeness thereto) depicts a somewhat stout profile with a slight leaning to midriff spread?
No, BB31 is definately not fat, not even slightly stout..She is absolutely lovely (as is Debs).
I am sure she is delightful IRL - but surely the avatar (and her alleged likeness thereto) depicts a somewhat stout profile with a slight leaning to midriff spread?
Not to mention a very odd leg length to body length ratio...
Not to mention a very odd leg length to body length ratio...
Have you tried it on a widescreen?
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