View Full Version : things get worse...
first of all i would like to thank everyone who has given me support on these forums, whether it has been relationship, job related, or infact about health issues i have had a marvellous response.
for that i breath with gratitude. :)
but i have one more problem, many of you know im in a depressive state, good things dont come along for me, but im having some diffarent problems, my older brother is starting to run my life, he is becoming inreasingly 'wanting' for me to to 'do' things, such as 'excercise' with weights, which is not currently possible because of my variable eating, he is stopping me from going out at night, on some days i do stay out late, but im usally 5 streets away at my mates house, he had a party last night, i arrived home at 2:30am, i got up today and he threatened me, and said he would possibly do something to my freind aswell, when i am out (which is once or twice a week) late, i try to get back, but im trying to enjoy myself, i get really bored and depressed at everything, so i try and be sociable, everyday every moment and second, i struggle to live, i keep thinking about suicide, but i try and shrug it off as nonsense, i dont go to bed until the early hours, i did temporarily change that, but i slipped back in to it.
so i dont know what to do, im depressed, then i get verbal tounge lashings for being out late, which is not often, but im not far away or up to no good :(
the other major thing is he has a reliance on me, expecting me to do things for him, small things, like going out to the shops, looking for things on the internet, downloading things etc....
i dont have a choice in the above i have drop everything im doing so he can' have his way'.
Mr_love_monkey
07-12-2004, 15:11
So let me get this straight - he threatens and bullies you, and then expects you to do him favours...
Can you not just stop doing things for him?
How old is your brother and are your parents aware of his behaviour and threats? It sounds as though your brother is bullying you because he knows you won't do anything about it, what happens if you say no to his demands? Do your parents take his side of the argument?
How old is he?
25
How old is your brother and are your parents aware of his behaviour and threats? It sounds as though your brother is bullying you because he knows you won't do anything about it, what happens if you say no to his demands? Do your parents take his side of the argument?
parents are aware but cant do anything, they are not well enough to step in and take control, they say i should do as im told, i cant frankly do everything for the guy.
So let me get this straight - he threatens and bullies you, and then expects you to do him favours...
Can you not just stop doing things for him?
its not that simple, he gets angry and possible signs of violence if i dont do things, so in essence i am threatened.
paulyoung666
07-12-2004, 17:46
this is well out of whack , you got to nip this now before it gets totally out of control , this may sound a bit harsh but maybe you should be looking into some sort of restraining order against him , or a couple of handy guys to show him the right way to go about things ;)
this is well out of whack , you got to nip this now before it gets totally out of control , this may sound a bit harsh but maybe you should be looking into some sort of restraining order against him , or a couple of handy guys to show him the right way to go about things ;)
i dont know what i could do.
I could send a couple of boys over to do his knee's if you like. ;)
paulyoung666
07-12-2004, 17:50
I could send a couple of boys over to do his knee's if you like. ;)
kinda where i was coming from , maybe a good talking to might be in order first though :erm: :)
I could send a couple of boys over to do his knee's if you like. ;)
The non-NTL version of capping ;)
he is about 6ft 3inch so good luck ;) sending some boys round, mightly tempting, hes fairly big and works out too, although he thinks hes 'all that'
paulyoung666
07-12-2004, 18:06
he is about 6ft 3inch so good luck ;) sending some boys round, mightly tempting, hes fairly big and works out too, although he thinks hes 'all that'
the bigger they are the harder they fall ;) , sounds as though he is 5 going on 25 if you ask me :mad: :mad: :mad:
swoop101
07-12-2004, 18:18
I have some acquaintances that are willing to sacrifice a set of golf clubs. :rolleyes:
ian@huth
07-12-2004, 18:23
Talk to a professional about your problems with your brother. There are people out there ready and willing to help. Don't accept that there is no way of stopping him from hurting you. Have a look at http://www.connexions-direct.com/index.cfm?pid=151&catalogueContentID=386&render=detailedArticle
Talk to a professional about your problems with your brother. There are people out there ready and willing to help. Don't accept that there is no way of stopping him from hurting you. Have a look at http://www.connexions-direct.com/index.cfm?pid=151&catalogueContentID=386&render=detailedArticleWise words. Talking it out is the only way to go here :tu:
he is about 6ft 3inch so good luck ;) sending some boys round, mightly tempting, hes fairly big and works out too, although he thinks hes 'all that'
Doesn't matter he'll drop to his knees if you hit him in the right place. The side of the face is good with a clenched fist, not many people are still standing after one of them even boxers go down with one of them.
homealone
07-12-2004, 19:19
many apologies if I have got the wrong end of the stick, Kronas, but could this be to do with the idea that people don't think you are Asian 'enough' for them, that you mentioned the other day?
i.e. could it be your brother has decided he is going to have more influence on your life to prevent you becoming any more 'westernised' ?
that doesn't make right the way he is treating you, by the way, I just wondered what had made him suddenly take so much interest in what you do?
and if he's 6' 3" & built like Stuartbe's shed, then I, personally, wouldn't advise you try a physical solution ;)
many apologies if I have got the wrong end of the stick, Kronas, but could this be to do with the idea that people don't think you are Asian 'enough' for them, that you mentioned the other day?
i.e. could it be your brother has decided he is going to have more influence on your life to prevent you becoming any more 'westernised' ?
no its not, its just a lot of people i have come across....its nothing to do with whats going on here
that doesn't make right the way he is treating you, by the way, I just wondered what had made him suddenly take so much interest in what you do?
he has always been a *******, but he is even more so now, i dont have the mental strength to do everything for him right now, i have my own worries.
and if he's 6' 3" & built like Stuartbe's shed, then I, personally, wouldn't advise you try a physical solution ;)
i know :)
A tad too much testosterone wafting around this thread imo :scratch:
Getting to the bottom of his reasons for his behaviour is the first step kronas.
Just 'cos he's (to coin a phrase) '6 foot 3 and built like Stuartbe's shed' isn't any form of excuse - I'm 6 foot 5 and not exactly a skinny runt, but I don't feel the urge to intimidate or threaten anyone.
Quite frankly, it sounds to me like he's abit of an @rse who need to sort his own head out first Kronas. In all seriousness, are you in any way able to get your own place or something like that - it sounds like, if you can get away from people like your brother, a lot of your 'problems' may not seem so massive, and difficult to cope with.
Sounds to me like he needs a taste of his own medicine, & a visit from a few of the boys 'dahn Sarf'.......
Kronie-the best way to deal with a bully is to simply stand up to them (easier said that done I know), but they soon realise that their time is up, & often the roles reverse....:erm:
Either way, do whatever you need to do to stop this, you don't need us to tell you what to do, you are an intelligent guy. :)
orangebird
08-12-2004, 10:08
Neil's right Kronas, you need to stand up to him. If he lays a finger on you, go to the police. His behaviour is outrageous... :eeek:
zoombini
08-12-2004, 13:25
As far as the downloading & internet stuff goes, perhaps start getting things all wrong, he may soon start to find someone else that can do things right.
Definately get your own place if possible, things can be sorted out so much more easily then, I think you should only get physical as a last resort.
thanks for your comments guys/girls, its so awkward the situation, but im meeting someone next tuesday about other things related to my health, i can talk to that person and see what can be done.
the problem is its not possible to stay with anyone else.
no one has any room, plus the fact i am burdening other people with my problems, which i hope im not doing to others on here, as its not your problem. :)
ian@huth
08-12-2004, 16:16
thanks for your comments guys/girls, its so awkward the situation, but im meeting someone next tuesday about other things related to my health, i can talk to that person and see what can be done.
the problem is its not possible to stay with anyone else.
no one has any room, plus the fact i am burdening other people with my problems, which i hope im not doing to others on here, as its not your problem. :)
Bullying is everyones problem and the more people you tell about it the better. You would be surprised how many people will be willing to help if only they knew about your problems.
It is no use worrying yourself sick over the problem, you have to face up to it. It would be better to stick up for yourself and have words with your brother. Stop doing things for him and stop letting him control you. You may get a beating but would it be worse than the agony you are going through which will only continue if you don't do anything about it. The first time he uses physical violence then go straight to the police. If you were to do that it would help if you kept a diary of what is happening. Don't let bullies win.
kronas,are you still seeing that councillor?They may be able to give you some pointers as to how to deal with this situation and at the very least it's someone to talk to.They also may know of somewhere you can find a home or refuge if things get out of hand.
However I think that the advice that you will have to stand up to your brother is good.If you don't try he will use you to do his dirty deeds for ever.
Is there any other adult in your family that can help you by just talking to him?Or any of your asian friends that can give you moral support?
Apart from that I guess you only have the police to turn to but I am assuming that would be your last resort as a matter of choice.We never really like to give up on our family until we have to.
I sometimes think that we need a set up for battered people like the one there is for battered wives.This is a problem for many people of all ages and backgrounds and of either sex.
I hope you can resolve this-otherwise I think you may have to leave home.
Incog. ;)
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