Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!
Oh look! just 2,852,677 more days til i start caring what you think.
Oh well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.
Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
On The Other Hand, You Have Different Fingers
One more repo and I’ll be debt free!
Only in America can a Vietnam Vet live in a cardboard box on the street and a draft dodger live in the White House.
Optimism: Waiting for a ship to come in when you haven't sent one out.
Out Of My Mind; Back In Five Minutes
Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!
Overpopulation... too much of a good thing.
Pain is inevitable misery is optional.
Pardon My Driving. I’m Reloading
Park in rear
Pay good teachers good money
People before profits!
People who think they know what they're doing are especially annoying to those of us who do.
Plagiarism is copying from one source; research is copying from two or more.
Please don't hit me I'm a pedestrian trapped in a car.
Please Tell Your Pants It's Not Polite To Point.
Please! do not feed the ego!
Police line. DO NOT CROSS.
Pol-I-Tics poli meaning many, ticks meaning small blood sucking parasites.
Practice safe government. Use kingdoms.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
Proud mother of a delinquent child!
Pull my finger.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Quiet brain! or I'll poke you with another Q-tip.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Rap Is To Music What Etch-A-Sketch Is To Art
Real Men Love Jesus!
Real women don't have hot flashes they have power surges.
Reality Is A Crutch For People Who Can’t Handle Drugs.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Reality is a figment of your imagination.
Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.
RECYCLE YOUR ANIMALS
Rehab is for quitters.
RELISH TODAY...KETCHEUP TOMORROW
Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 MPH Are Also Timed For 70 MPH.
Remember My Name – You’ll Be Screaming It Later
Remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Repetition is always better the second time.
S.A.S.R. - Speeders Against Ski Racks
S.C.A.R.Y. (Southern Citizens Advocating the Relocation of Yankees)
S.O.B.E.R. - Sick Of Banning Everyone's Rights
Santa’s Elves Are Just A Bunch Of Subordinate Clauses
Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
Save a tree, eat a beaver.
Save on gas, go fart in a jar.
Save the planet recycle an environmentalist.
Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
Save The Whales. Collect The Whole Set
Save Your Breath – You’ll Need It To Blow Up Your Date!
Saw It ... Wanted It ... Had A Fit ... Got It!
Say say NO thank you.
Scixelsyd Etinu (backward)
Screw you guys, I'm going home!
Seen It All, Done It All, Can’t Remember Most Of It
Seen on an old, beat-up car: "This is not an abandoned vehicle."
Sex is a misdemeanor . . .the more I miss it, the meaner I get!!
She’s Always Late. Her Ancestors Arrived On The June Flower
Sheesh!
Short Chicks rock!
Simplify
Sleep well Mum.
Slow thinkers keep right.
Smile and at nice.
Smile and the world smiles with you, Fart and you stand alone.
Smile. It’s The Second Best Thing You Can Do With Your Lips.
Smile.........show off your teeth.
SNIPER BAR & GRILL: All you need is one shot!
so close to read it!
So many cats.... So little time.
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
So you're a feminist - isn't that cute!
Some have morals; some don't, and most simply ignore them.
Some People Are Alive Only Because It’s Illegal To Kill Them
Someday your prince will come. Mine got lost took a wrong turn and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep!!
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
Sorry, you are not a winner
Spank Me!
Spare the fenders, save the trees, give the sober friend the keys.
Squirrel...it's what's for dinner.
sticker and watch the road!!!")
Stop global whining.
Stop Reading My Bumper Stickers and DRIVE!!
Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
Study long study wrong.
Stupid is as stupid does.
Stupid should hurt!
Stupidity should be punished.
Stupify
Suburbia: Where they cut down all the trees and then name streets after them.
Suicide is away of telling God, You can't fire me I quit!!!!!
Super Bowl is french for...sitting on your ass and getting fat.
Support a cause stop plate tectonics.
Support bacteria! It's the only culture some people have.
Support publik edekasion
Support yogurt, it's the only culture some people have.
Surgeon Generals Warning: Smoking is bad for you. You always known that, just like everybody else. So if you do it for 20 or 30 years, don't come crying to the courts if it makes you sick. How stupid are you anyways?
T.G.I.F Thank God I'm Female.
Take me drunk I' m home.
Talk only if you can improve on the silence.
Taxation with representation isn't so hot, either!
Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun.
Tell me to 'Stuff It' - I'm a taxidermist.
Tennis players have fuzzy balls.
Thank You...YOU MAY GO!!
Thanks for being a contestant.
That’s all I'm saying and I ain't saying no more.
The American Dream is a chicken in every pot. Why did we elect a chicken that smoked pot?
The beatings will continue until employee morale improves.
The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG it Happened.
The buck doesn't even slow down here.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
The Earth Is Full - Go Home
The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
The good thing about small cars is that you can fit twice as many into a traffic jam.
The horn blows does the driver!
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of the oncoming train.
The Lord made us all different... Democrats want to make us all the same!
The meek will Internet the world.
The more I learn, the less I understand.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
The More You Complain, The Longer God Makes You Live.
The more you listen, the more you know.
The number of people staring at you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions.
The princess is in.
The road to hell is paved with democrats!
The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography
The Second Place Is The First Loser
The Sex Was So Good That Even The Neighbors Had A Cigarette.
The sky is always bluer at the top of the windshield.
The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
The squeaky wheel is often replaced.
The world is coming to an end. Please log off.
There are only three types of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can't.
There are only two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead!!!!
There are only two things in life you can count on: Death and Taxes.
There are two kinds of drivers; those who make dust & those who eat it..
There is no shortcut to anywhere worth going.
They keep saying the right person will come along; I think a truck hit mine.
They told me I was gullible... and I believed them.
They told me I was gullible...then they took it out of the dictionary.
They're not hot flashes...they're POWER SURGES!
THINK before you ACT.
This car is constipated: hasn't passed a thing all day!
This car is designed by computer, built by a robot, driven by a moron.
This car is protected by an anti-theft sticker!
This is not an abandoned car.
This is the rebel base.
This truck has been in 15 accidents...and hasn't lost one yet..
This vehicle insured by Smith and Wesson.
This was better than any diet I've ever been on.
This was only a test; if this had been a real emergency, you'd be dead.
This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
Those Who Live By The Sword Get Shot By Those Who Don’t
Time Circles: The Lord Creates The Universe Evolves The Lord
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
To be loved, be lovable
To be old and wise you must first be young and stupid.
To err is human; to forgive is not Company Policy.
To you it's a six-pack; to me it's a support group.
Today's subliminal message is: ( )
Too many freaks, not enough circus's!
Try it sober!
Turn Signals: Not just for smart people anymore.
Unless You're A Hemorrhoid, STAY OFF MY A$$!
Unlike online, in reality, you can’t hit the back button.
Vegetarian: Indian word for BAD HUNTER!
Very Funny, Scotty. Now Beam Up My Clothes.
visualize whirled peas
Vote BUSH/CHENEY
Want to be somebody? Don't drive after drinking.
Wanted: Meaningful Overnight Relationship
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
WARNING: mental backup in progress.
Was today really necessary?
WATCH OUT! COMING THROUGH!
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
We are having EVER so much fun!
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
We are the people our parents warned us about.
We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?
Welcome to California. Now go home!
Welcome to reality...come again soon.
Welcome To ***** Creek – Sorry, We’re Out Of Paddles Well, isn't that special!
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
What if the Hokey Pokey really is what its all about?
What If There Were No Hypothetical Questions?
wHAT IS THIS? BIZARROLAND??
What part of
http://www.getalife.com do you not understand?
What Would Scooby Do!
What would Xena Do?
What you don't do is always more important than what you do do.
What, are you stuck on stupid.
Whatever!
When all else fails, lower your standards.
When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
WHEN GOD MADE MAN, SHE WAS ONLY JOKING.
When I die bury me upside down so the world can kiss my a$$.
When I married 'Mr. Right,' I didn't know his first name was 'always.'
When i want your opinion i'll beat it out of you.
When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
When life is bad...keep your head up, that way you don't see all the ***** you've stepped in.
When The Chips Are Down, The Buffalo Is Empty
When there's a will, I want to be in it!
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
Where in the nursery rhyme does say that Humpty Dumpty is an egg?
Where is this porn?
Where There’s A Will, I’m In The Way.
Where there's a will there's a BEER!
Where there's a will, I want to be in it!
Which came first, the woman or the department store?
Who are these kids and why are they calling me MOM?
Who died and made YOU Darth Vader?.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
who needs this crap.
Who put a stop payment on my reality check?
Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?
Who's Your Daddy?
Why am I so thirsty when I drank so much last night?
Why are girls that way?
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?
Why be normal?
Why can't women learn to put the toilet seat back up?
Why did God give beauty queens one more brain cell than horses? So they wouldn't ***** on stage.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Why do they call it a bumper if your not going to use it?
Why do we believe everything we see in newspapers but question what the Bible says?
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
WHY ME?
Wink, I'll do the rest!
Without pain and suffering you have no choice!
Women are born leaders, LOOK you are following one now!
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
Wouldn't it be nice if there were an Escape key for all of our problems?
Yea, though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil, for I am the meanest son of a bitch in the valley.
YES this is my truck, NO I won't help you move!.
Yes, As A Matter Of Fact, I Do Own The Whole Damn Road!
Yes, in fact...my father does own this road.
Yesterday I knew nothing today I know that.
You ain't seen nothin' yet...
You Are Depriving Some Village Of Its Idiot
You are driving to close I can see your bald spot.
YOU ARE HERE!
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
You are right where you belong, behind me!
You can pick your nose and pick your friends, but you can't wipe your friends on the couch.
You can't be late until you show up.
You get all this and my dads loaded.
You have been a naughty boy, go to my room!
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
You have to be really secure to be seen in this car.
You just lived your best moment, now GO live another!
You know your getting older when Happy Hour is a nap.
You went on vacation and all i got was this stupid bumper sticker?
You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
You’re Just Jealous Because The Voices Only Speak To Me
Your Child May Be An Honor Student, But You’re Still An A$$hol3
Your honor student deals the best drugs.
Your lucky color has faded.
Your such a Muggle!
Your village called, their idiot is missing.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without hanging on.
You're not the boss of me!