You know your addicted to your computer when...

[AndrewJ]

old but good

YOU'RE ADDICTED TO YOUR COMPUTER IF...* Your wife wants a diamond for her birthday, and you get her a Diamond Stealth Video Card.

* You know what PPP, SLIP, HTML & FTP mean...but darned if you can remember your wife's maiden name.

* You sit in front of the TV trying to type at a keyboard.

* You find out that hemorrhoids aren't THAT painful, as long as you're on the 'Net.

* When someone yells out "What's for supper?" you do a search for SUPPER.COM.

* You suspect there's a virus in your mashed potatoes.

* If you smoke away from the machine, you notice that the breaks are getting shorter and less frequent.

* The optometrist looks deep in your eyes, and sees a screen saver.

* You finally save up enough to visit the Grand Canyon, and you can't help but wonder how it would look on a 21" SVGA.

* "Not tonight, I have a headache" has been replaced with "Not tonight, I finally got connected."

* Your computer room has a better air conditioner than your bedroom.

* You wonder if you can install your own fiber optics telephone line to your server.

* You speak of "Your Server" with the same reverence you used to reserve for your Doctor.

* You never met the guy, but you've already decided on a plan to assassinate Bill Gates.

* You comment, while watching a sunset, that the image would be enhanced with 10% more magenta and a higher resolution.

* When someone tells you about a great new program and you're very disappointed to find that it's on TV.

* If while driving down the street, you are confused by the numbers on the houses - they do not appear to be legitimate WWW addresses.

* When you find it easier to dial-up the National Weather Service Weather/your_town/now.html than to simply look out the window.

* When you start using phrases like: Hungry.must-eat.food.now@home.com.

* If you call in sick because you found a great new WWW site.

* If you can type your top 10 favorite Web sites, by heart.

* If your fingers quit moving because you've been online for 36 hours.

* If your net provider suggests you try a competitor, because you're exceeding 300 hours a month connect time.

* If on the way home from work, you use your portable and cellular phone in your car, to reprogram a Tomahawk missile, in flight, and redirect it to take out the joker in the Cadillac who cut you off.

* When your desk collapses under the weight of your computer peripherals.

* If you try to press Alt-F4 to close your car window.

* You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.

* You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue as to when it happened.

* Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to go from top to bottom.

* Your nightmares are in HTML and GIFS.

* You start introducing yourself as "Jim at net dot com"

* Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address on TV.

* You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.

* Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.

* All of your friends have an @ in their names.

* When looking at a web page full of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.

* Your dog has its own home page.

* Your phone bill is a heavy as a brick.

* You write your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.

* Your husband tells you that he has had the beard for 2 months.

*You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" -- even though you don't have a job.

* You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.

* Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."

* You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 3.0 or higher."

* You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP... because you never log off.

* The last girl you picked up was only a GIF.

* You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.

* Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.

* As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.

* You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.

* You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

* You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free internet access.

* You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.

* You start using smileys :-) in your snail mail.

* You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com.

* You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a computer.

* When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel really depressed.

* You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they have nondescript screen names and you never bothered to ask.

* You move into a new house and you decide to Netscape before you landscape.

* Your family always knows where you are.

* In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say "LOL, LOL"

* After reading this message, you immediately forward it to a friend!

[daz300]

when you have all the time to do that ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

[Stuart C]

Or when you are on the Docklands Light Railway, look at the plaftform indicator,and think it says LOL, when it is actually reporting a problem on the London Underground. BTW, the DLR platform indicators frequently carry information about problems on other forms of public transport in London, and they refer to the Underground as LUL (London Underground Limited).

Nice one Saxo

[Halcyon]

LOL
I'm sure a few of those apply to me.
Dear oh dear