Laws of computing

[vanman]

MURPHY’S LAWS OF COMPUTING

1. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
2. To err is human… to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human; in fact it is downright natural.
3. He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
4. If at first you don’t succeed, blame your computer.
5. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
6. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
7. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.
8. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
9. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.
10. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
11. When the going gets tough, upgrade.
12. When you need to send an email quick, that’s when the modem won’t connect!

[Kymmy]

Moved to Humour

[vanman]

Is windows a virus? No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:
1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.
2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.
3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.
4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too.
5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too.
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.
So Windows is not a virus.

[vanman]

---------- Post added at 20:36 ---------- Previous post was at 20:23 ----------

[Callumpy]

Haha. Nice

[vanman]

Computer Acronyms PCMCIA
People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

ISDN
It Still Does Nothing

APPLE
Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

SCSI
System Can't See It

DOS
Defective Operating System

BASICBill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control

IBM
I Blame Microsoft

DEC
Do Expect Cuts

CD-ROM
Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

OS/2
Obsolete Soon, Too.

WWW
World Wide Wait

MACINTOSH
Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

PENTIUM
Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics

COBOL
Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language

AMIGA
A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction

LISP
Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis

MIPS
Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

WINDOWS
Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

GIRO
Garbage In Rubbish Out

MICROSOFT
Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only (for) Fools (&) Teenagers.

[Kymmy]

Really weird as TWAIN is the only true funny one and you don't have it in your list

[budwieser]

What about E.B.K.A.C ?
Error between keyboard and chair. Seen plenty of those in my time.

[jeffturner85]

ha ha ha.. good to read. NIce one

[Tony.]

You forgot:

DRM (Didn't Read Manual)

[Kymmy]

In my book there's only one mistake that some people make when they buy a computer.... And that is they turn it on

[Woolly One]

Originally Posted by Kymmy

In my book there's only one mistake that some people make when they buy a computer.... And that is they turn it on

And believe all the hype the PC World gave them - 'This computer will do everything for you, it's the best thing since sliced bread'

[Lord Nikon]

Originally Posted by Kymmy

Really weird as TWAIN is the only true funny one and you don't have it in your list

Technology Without An Interesting Name.


Don't forget PICNIC

Problem In Chair Not In Computer.

Or one from field service sheets - Operator NFG - If the customer asks - Operator Needs Further Guidance. If they don't ask - Operator No F****** Good.

[heero_yuy]

Smiths law of computer repair: All access holes will be 1/2 an inch too small.
Corollory: Holes that are the right size will be in the wrong place.

[vanman]

1. A part dropped from the workbench will roll to a degree of un-reachability proportional to its importance.
2. In a transistor circuit protected by a fuse, the transistor will always blow to protect the fuse.
3. The best way to see your boss is to access the Internet.
4. Or...
5. No matter how hard you work, the boss will only appear when you access the Internet.
6. The hard drive on your computer will only crash when it contains vital information that has not been backed up.
7. Computers don't make errors-What they do they do on purpose.
8. Whenever you need a crucial file from the server, the network will be down.
9. No matter how fantastic your latest and greatest PC is, you will be able to buy it for half the price in 12 months.
10. The only program that runs perfectly every time, is a virus
11. No matter what problem you have with your computer - Its Always Microsoft's fault
12. Corollary: If its not their fault - Blame them anyway