joke for best man speech

privateb · 31-03-2009, 15:46

Hi guys as some of u may know I am writting my best mans speech for may and the groom is an accountant/tax expert and I am strugglng to find a joke in relation to his job.
Does anyone have any suggestions?
Thanks

**Hugh** · 31-03-2009, 16:02

Q -What do you call an accountant who stares at your shoes when you are talking to him?
A - An extrovert.

Apparently accountants move into tax because they find auditing too exciting.

Q - What is the difference between a terrorist and a tax inspector?
A - You can negotiate with a terrorist

Here is a website that may help - accountantjokes

frogstamper · 31-03-2009, 16:06

I was at a wedding reception when the best man told this tale.

A guy is standing outside the pearly gates waiting to get into heaven when St Peter says, "before you can come in we must sort out your transport first", surprised the guy asks St Peter how this works.
"Well" says St Peter, "each new arrival is assigned a car befitting his/her marital fidelity on earth" the guy is quite pleased by this as his led an exemplary and faithful life, St Peter then says "it seems you qualify for a Rolls Royce, congratulations sir"
So the new arrival drives his Roller through the pearly gates and almost straight away sees a friend of his who'd died a couple of months ago driving a Peugeot, "Doesn't look like you done as well as me does it, look at my Roller"
To which his friend replies, "by the way I've just seen your first wife, she went flying past me on a skateboard"

:

Gary L · 31-03-2009, 16:07

Quote:

Originally Posted by foreverwar

Q -What do you call an accountant who stares at your shoes when you are talking to him?
A - An extrovert.

Apparently accountants move into tax because they find auditing too exciting.

Q - What is the difference between a terrorist and a tax inspector?
A - You can negotiate with a terrorist

He means jokes to say about the accountant. like he's been a good mate to me the last few years. does a good job of fiddling my books for me.

**Hugh** · 31-03-2009, 16:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gary L

He means jokes to say about the accountant. like he's been a good mate to me the last few years. does a good job of fiddling my books for me.

From the OP

Quote:

I am strugglng to find a joke in relation to his job

TheDaddy · 31-03-2009, 16:26

I used this line at a mates wedding, went down quite well!

When you read out the telegrams say

Not everyone who wanted to be here could make it, including insert grooms name here mates from the football club, they did however send this message of support

We found insert grooms name here to be useless in every position, hope insert brides name here has more luck!

Gary L · 31-03-2009, 16:29

Quote:

Originally Posted by foreverwar

From the OP

Quote:

I am strugglng to find a joke in relation to his job

When was the last time you went to a wedding and sat through the knock knock joke speeches?

**Hugh** · 31-03-2009, 16:42

And "knock knock" jokes have what to do with it?

Gary L · 31-03-2009, 17:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by foreverwar

And "knock knock" jokes have what to do with it?

The same as what I said about the "what is" and the "what do you call" jokes.
He said he's writing a speech. and he used the word joke. I suggested to you that it might not be joke jokes that he means, but the kind of jokes you normally hear in speeches at weddings.

He might clarify what kind of jokes he means later. maybe you can find some knock knock ones just incase

**Hugh** · 31-03-2009, 17:23

Thank you for the clarification, as your meaning was unclear and muddled (most unlike you).

I will leave the low humour to you.

Gary L · 31-03-2009, 17:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by foreverwar

Thank you for the clarification, as your meaning was unclear and muddled (most unlike you).

Sorry. I did try to be as clear as possible because I knew it was you I was talking to

Quote:

I will leave the low humour to you.

No, you carry on

gazzae · 31-03-2009, 17:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheDaddy

I used this line at a mates wedding, went down quite well!

When you read out the telegrams say

Not everyone who wanted to be here could make it, including insert grooms name here mates from the football club, they did however send this message of support

We found insert grooms name here to be useless in every position, hope insert brides name here has more luck!

I head a similar line at a wedding, it didn't seem to go down as well!

He said something along the lines of
"This final message is for Clare, it says 'Good luck and we will never forget you' and that's from all the lads at the fire station"

**Hugh** · 31-03-2009, 18:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gary L

Sorry. I did try to be as clear as possible because I knew it was you I was talking to

No, you carry on

Thank you, Gary - you never fail to raise a smile with your postings.

I always enjoy your contributions to threads, as your wit is only exceeded by your lucidity and relevance.

LondonRoad · 31-03-2009, 19:18

Forever, Gary

The OP is looking for assistance for his wedding speech. The cat fight is arranged for the Stag Night.

**Hugh** · 31-03-2009, 20:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by harmitage

Forever, Gary

The OP is looking for assistance for his wedding speech. The cat fight is arranged for the Stag Night.

Sorry.

(I now have a terrible mental picture, that just won't go away

)