Our pets

[Kymmy]

99% true.....

Shamelessly pinched from another forum and had me in stitches...

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Pets

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats:





The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairwaywas not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to
Each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, bysome miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your pawunder the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the otherdog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children

[martyh]

love it ,
i'm going to print that off, show it to my sister-in law and shove it were here fur don't grow

[lauzjp]

nice find Kymmy!

[AndyCambs]

I laughed so much I cried at work

[LondonRoad]

Originally Posted by AndyCambs

I laughed so much I cried at work

I do hope you're not a funeral director then

[AndyCambs]

Originally Posted by harmitage

I do hope you're not a funeral director then

No worse - I work in an open plan office in a security company...

[Stuart]

Originally Posted by Kymmy

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.

Damn right. I get a little peeved with people coming to MY house then moaning that I allow MY pets in the same room and on the same furniture as them.

I actually said that to one of my sister's friends who moaned about our cat.

[AntiSilence]

Nice I showed this to my cat and he totally agrees lol

[Mick Fisher]

Nice one.

[The Hitman]

(8) don't want to wear your clothes,

Not true I used to have a wuffer called scampy. He loved his hoodies. He slept in them at nights. He had to have the hoodie just pulled over his head. But not to cover his eyes. I spent well over a hundred quid on clothes for him.

[Kymmy]

Polar (nicknamed Pikey for obvious reasons) which is the smaller of our crazy two-some likes to pinch socks, trainers, boots and especially my slippers... I keep finding him asleep with his nose buried deep in the toe section...poor thing!!!!

[haydnwalker]

That was great, i'll print out the NON-PET OWNERS bit and possibly stick it to the door to our living room for guests to note