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1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run -- anywhere.
4. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you????
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat supper at 4 pm.
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can get cheaper car insurance.
20. You have just noticed this has been done in Big Print for your convenience!
In Liverpool the bus pass is known as the twirlie bus pass
Explanation: twirlie/twirly - (a female pensioner, a contraction of the question "Am I too early?" - asked of the bus driver, referring to the use of a free bus pass at off-peak times.)
__________________ Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life so spend your time getting wasted and you'll have the time of your life
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I should know I have tried them and each time they come out more expensive. 
