Why your computer is better than a woman.

[Alien]

Why your computer is better than a woman.

1. A computer doesn't care if you stick something inside them for your personal pleasure.(ie: a game disk)
2. A computer doesn't get hangups if you spend loads of time with a woman
3. A computer never says "you never bring me flowers anymore."
4. A computer will never ask 'Does my bum look big in this?'
5. A computers disposition remains the same all month
6. Computers always come back for more!
7. Computers always tell you when they have problems
8. Computers appreceate it when you tie up the phone line with them
9. Computers are also a good paper weight
10. Computers are cheaper to run
11. Computers are easy to turn on.
12. Computers are happy for you not to wash & shave all weekend.
13. Computers are happy if you connect them to another one, even the same type
14. Computers are happy to have a picture of a newer model stuck next to them
15. Computers are happy to show you pornography
16. Computers are logical
17. Computers are made to minimize the amount of time and effort inserted in achieving the "goal"
18. Computers are not back seat drivers
19. Computers are precise
20. Computers can be partly upgraded
21. Computers can be programmed to do something useful
22. Computers can be taught not to pass on viruses
23. Computers do exactly what you tell them to
24. Computers do not use perfumes, they do not have bad smells!
25. Computers don't ask for money
26. Computers don't buy a new pair of shoes every month
27. Computers don't eat all of the good stuff from your fridge first
28. Computers don't eat your chocolate
29. Computers don't expect you to be able to read their minds
30. Computers don't fall asleep during Match of the Day
31. Computers don't get crazy if you get up and walk away in mid-sentence
32. Computers don't get jealous if you use another one
33. Computers don't get ugly when they get old
34. Computers don't get upset if you only use them for 30 seconds
35. Computers don't get upset if you use them for 12 hours without a break
36. Computers don't get upset when you go on holiday without them
37. Computers don't have a compulsive urge to talk crap if they've got nothing to say
38. Computers don't like shopping
39. Computers don't make horrible dinners
40. Computers don't mind if you never speak to them
41. Computers don't mind you farting whilst you're using them
42. Computers don't nag [except perhaps if they're running Vista ]
43. Computers don't order stupid entree's in restaurants, then ask you to trade with them
44. Computers don't say, "Not tonight darling, I have a headache".
45. Computers don't think
46. Computers don't try to introduce you to their parents
47. Computers don't want pets or babies
48. Computers don't watch mindless sit-coms on TV
49. Computers dont bitch about thier friends
50. Computers dont have periods
51. Computers dont require chocolate to make them happy
52. Computers have good memory
53. Computers give you another chance if the RAM goes bad
54. Computers have more things to press
55. Computers like being chained to a desk (some even have bondage ports built in)
56. Computers like to play with each other for you
57. Computers never leave you for your best friend
58. Computers never smell of fish
59. Computers play games or get serious when YOU want to
60. Computers reboot much faster
61. Computers stay the same size, even after 5 years
62. Computers stay when you tell them too
63. Computers treat your woman with the same respect as you
64. Computers usually tell you when they have a virus
65. Computers will accept a 3 1/2 inch floppy and be happy
66. Computers will go down on you
67. Computers will help you solve your problems
68. Computers work better the more RAM you put in them
69. It's easy to upgrade to a newer model
70. It's not embarasing to take a differently coloured one to see your parents
71. The old computer works just the same even after you've got a new model
72. When your computer starts to smoke you can get another one
73. Women usually have good hardware but bad software
74. You can change computer hardware or software when you want to
75. You can deal with computer outputs
76. You can delete things you don't want your computer to remember
77. You can invite lots of friends of both sexes to play with your computer all together and it won't complain
78. You can name your computer anything you want
79. You can share your computer with your friends
80. You can stop for a beer break whilst using your computer, it just waits for you to come back
81. You can switch off a computer
82. You can turn on a computer, have a beer, watch the big match, and when you come back, it's still turned on
83. You can turn the computer off when the footy's on
84. You can turn the sound off
85. You can upgrade your computers FAT partitions
86. You can use your computer as many times as you want
87. You don't get BLOND computers [Alien edit: yes you do, they're called Macs ]
88. You don't need to continually tell your computer you love it
89. You don't need to cook for computers
90. You don't need to pay computers for adult fun
91. You don't need to wine and dine a computer before you use it
92. You dont need to remember your computers birthday or anniversary
93. You only have to punch information into a computer once
94. You're never embarased to show your computer to your parents, even when it's really old
95. Your computer always looks good in the morning
96. Your computer doesnt go home to mum if your office computer went down on you today
97. Your computer is always a pleasure to turn on
98. Your computer never makes you sleep in the wet spot
99. Your computer will happilly play crude adult games with you
100. Your new computer doesn't mind using the old computers extras
101. Your new computer is happy to sit on the old computers furniture

[I think I managed to get rid of all the repeated points, apologies if I didn't.]