Ordering a Pizza after ID cards have been implimented...
Okay, to be fair, I didn't write this but the guy who did obviously understands exactly how the new ID cards (that we're probably going to get regardless of how many people don't want them) will work.
ORDERING A PIZZA IN 2008
Operator: Thank you for calling McDomino's Deep Pan Pizza King. May I have your national ID number?
Customer: Hi, I'd like to order a pizza.
Assistant: I must have your national ID card number first, sir.
Customer: My National ID Number.. Yeah, hold on. Er.. it's 6102049998-45-54610
Operator: Thank you Mr Smith. I see you live at 1984 Victory Square, and the phone number is 1234567890. Your office number over at The Ministry of Plenty is 0987654321 and your mobile number is 5432154321. Email address is winstonDOTsmithATaolDOTcom. Which number are you calling from sir?
Customer: Huh? Well, I'm at home. Where'd you get all this information?
Operator: We're wired into the HSS, sir.
Customer: The HSS, what is that?
Operator: We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir.
This will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time.
Customer: (sighs) Oh well, I'd like a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas.
Operator: I don't think that's a good idea, sir.
Customer: How come?
Operator: Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice.
Customer: What?! What do you recommend, then?
Operator: You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it.
Customer: What makes you think I'd like something like that?
Operator: Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion.
Customer: All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then
Operator: That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids. Your two dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is £49.99.
Customer: Lemme give you my credit card number.
Operator: I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.
Customer: I'll run over to the cash machine and get cash before your driver gets here.
Operator: That won't work either, sir. Your bank account is overdrawn also.
Customer: Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?
Operator: We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick them up while you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.
Customer: Wait! How do you know I ride a bike?
Operator: It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed. But your Scooter's paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday.
Customer: Well, I'll be a #%#^^&$%^$@#!
Operator: I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 4, 2003, conviction for drunk and disorderly.
Customer: (speechless)
Operator: Will there be anything else, sir?
Customer: Oh yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 litre bottle of Coke.
Operator: I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this. Thank you for calling McDomino's Deep Pan Pizza King.
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