What can i do??

Pug205Tim · 23-09-2006, 01:13

Hello, right i'm having problems with a possesive ex, hes threatening me and wont leave his ex alone to live her life, what can i do?
The police will only take him to town, and 20 mins later he will be back (been through it before).
This is really upsetting both myself and the laydee now, shes even moving a good 3 hour drive way, and hes looking for a flat in the new area, i know this will cause **** and its really getting me and her stressed as we have to sneak about to see each other, to avoid him following

He just wont get the message to f off. When we are out he will call either me or her if he knows we are together, or call to see what shes doing (he stole my number from her phone too)
Is there anything that can be done legal, without resorting to violence?

**Maggy J** · 23-09-2006, 01:19

Get some legal advice pronto.The local Citizens Advice should be able to help if you can't afford to pay a solicitor straight off.

Pug205Tim · 23-09-2006, 01:35

Ok thanks, I will pop down to the local CAB when i get time in the week, see if they can help

murfitUK · 23-09-2006, 01:54

The Protection from Harassment Act 1997 comes to mind.

http://www.opsi.gov.uk/acts/acts1997/97040--a.htm

Tinky · 23-09-2006, 08:12

You would need to see a Solicitor and issue an injunction through the County Court.

ZrByte · 23-09-2006, 09:12

What was he doing with her phone to steal your number in the first place?
How does he know where she is moving to even be able to follow?

grandmaster · 23-09-2006, 11:30

Sounds like you both have to change your numbers.

Move far far away and be happy together.

Ry

23-09-2006, 16:27

Sometimes the ONLY way to resolve this is the THREAT of violence.

I dont mean actually inflicting harm on him, but you and a few others should maybe corner him and say look, lets sort this out shall we.

Keep away or there will be trouble, we will be watching you, we will know.

Then you follow the legal route and apply for a court injuction, that way if he contacts you or comes within 100metres of you he is liable to face jail for breach of a court order.

Changing your mobile numbers is a pain, how about contacting your provider and see if they can block his numbers to your phone.

Try hanging up on him everytime he calls, dont say anything other than hello, as soon as you know its him hang up.
Turn your phones off when on a night out, you are together, you dont need them on.
If the police keep releasingh him without charge, insist on pressing charges, if they refuse complain to the police complaints authority or the chief constable.
You need to ensure the police are aware that you both feel threatened by his presence, and that you fear violence will be used. The police have a duty to PREVENT crime from happening in the first place.

If he turns up in places you are out in, then go see the manager or the bouncers, say he is hassling you.

The one thing that is worrying though is, how did he get her phone, where was she when he took your number from it? why does he know your name? What is she telling him?

Stop the leak of info and you may get somewhere.

24-09-2006, 16:57

Like the above says get him in a corner and ask him if you can sort it out? He sounds a right spineless git to me.

**Maggy J** · 24-09-2006, 17:55

He sounds like a man who is desperately in love/obsessed and possibly on the verge of a nervous breakdown/psychotic episode.

We have seen that before.

Pug205Tim · 25-09-2006, 01:41

Hello again, sorry havnt been on to check this post yet. Right went to CAB and they were as much use as a chocolate teapot, they told me to report him under the Harassment Act, which i have been through before with no results,the laws an ass. He got my number and address by breaking into her house, and going on her pc whilst in there. Lovely eh!! He actually pulled up in his works van last time we were together, but he wouldnt get out and drove off and called her to have a go about what is she doing with me again, like its **** all to do with him!!, which she kindly told him (ok the whole street heard lol)
Its become ****ing ridiculous tbh. And yea when we go out we do switch phones to silent and ignore them. But it still defeats the fact that 2 20 year olds are having to sneak about to make sure were not followed! By someone who really should have **** all to do with her life anymore, and theres **** all other than get him pasted to **** (which i know then i will get prosicuted) ffs

oh and hes so obsessed due to the 20 year age gap! hes old enough to be me ****ing dad.

---------- Post added at 01:41 ---------- Previous post was at 01:40 ----------

Quote:

Originally Posted by grandmaster

Sounds like you both have to change your numbers.

Move far far away and be happy together.

Ry

in hand

25-09-2006, 08:34

Just a thought but wouldn't your local paper be interested in it, I know mine loves that kind of thing and with the police not helping at all it's a issue that will affect alot of people in some way or other.

If that don't stop him then not a lot will imo, I know it would me lol

**Maggy J** · 25-09-2006, 13:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pug205Tim

Hello again, sorry havnt been on to check this post yet. Right went to CAB and they were as much use as a chocolate teapot, they told me to report him under the Harassment Act, which i have been through before with no results,the laws an ass. He got my number and address by breaking into her house, and going on her pc whilst in there. Lovely eh!! He actually pulled up in his works van last time we were together, but he wouldnt get out and drove off and called her to have a go about what is she doing with me again, like its **** all to do with him!!, which she kindly told him (ok the whole street heard lol)
Its become ****ing ridiculous tbh. And yea when we go out we do switch phones to silent and ignore them. But it still defeats the fact that 2 20 year olds are having to sneak about to make sure were not followed! By someone who really should have **** all to do with her life anymore, and theres **** all other than get him pasted to **** (which i know then i will get prosicuted) ffs

oh and hes so obsessed due to the 20 year age gap! hes old enough to be me ****ing dad.

---------- Post added at 01:41 ---------- Previous post was at 01:40 ----------

in hand

ok then think you need to keep a record of every incident small or not..Tell the police EVERY TIME he approaches/rings/writes either of you and go see a solicitor (ask for a woman) to take out an injunction/order against the chap.

Better still get yourself a cam recorder and tape him whenever he approaches either of you.That way you have evidence to actually show the police and any solicitor just what he is doing.

God Luck.

Escapee · 25-09-2006, 17:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pug205Tim

Hello, right i'm having problems with a possesive ex, hes threatening me and wont leave his ex alone to live her life, what can i do?
The police will only take him to town, and 20 mins later he will be back (been through it before).
This is really upsetting both myself and the laydee now, shes even moving a good 3 hour drive way, and hes looking for a flat in the new area, i know this will cause **** and its really getting me and her stressed as we have to sneak about to see each other, to avoid him following

He just wont get the message to f off. When we are out he will call either me or her if he knows we are together, or call to see what shes doing (he stole my number from her phone too)
Is there anything that can be done legal, without resorting to violence?

One of my ex-GF's had a problem with a very jealous ex, he used to keep phoning her up at night. She put a message on her voicemail saying "Sorry I can't come to the phone right now too busy sha**ing"

I appreciate that not every woman would be so comfortable about putting that sort of message on their phone, but it certainly did the trick of winding him up to come and look for me.

She had a bad time over him, and she was a nice woman. The guy had already managed to frighten off two other guys she had started to see, because at the end of the day most guys will think its not worth the hassle.
I wasn't interested in a long term relationship with her and we were really more of good friends than lovers, but his actions made me stick around a bit longer to annoy him as much as I could. He made threats to her about what he would do to me, so I went straight to his house and knocked the door.

What a surprise he wouldn't answer, just kept threatening that he would call the police if I didn't leave him alone.

People like this guy are usually spineless, if someone is going to do something they just go ahead and do it and not make a load of idle threats. I wouldn't suggest you confront the guy, but in my experience its far better to confront someone one to one than with mates. If you get your point across one to one, he is less likely to come after you than if you had a mate or two with you.

going with a mate/mates in my opinion shows the guy you are concerned about dealing with him yourself.

In these cases the police are about as much use as a chocolate fireguard, if the guy is hanging around outside your house, the only way to get the police there is to phone and tell them you are going out to deal with him if they are not there in 10 minutes, "starting from now".

It's worked for me in other situations.

Pug205Tim · 26-09-2006, 14:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by Escapee

One of my ex-GF's had a problem with a very jealous ex, he used to keep phoning her up at night. She put a message on her voicemail saying "Sorry I can't come to the phone right now too busy sha**ing"

I appreciate that not every woman would be so comfortable about putting that sort of message on their phone, but it certainly did the trick of winding him up to come and look for me.

She had a bad time over him, and she was a nice woman. The guy had already managed to frighten off two other guys she had started to see, because at the end of the day most guys will think its not worth the hassle.
I wasn't interested in a long term relationship with her and we were really more of good friends than lovers, but his actions made me stick around a bit longer to annoy him as much as I could. He made threats to her about what he would do to me, so I went straight to his house and knocked the door.

What a surprise he wouldn't answer, just kept threatening that he would call the police if I didn't leave him alone.

People like this guy are usually spineless, if someone is going to do something they just go ahead and do it and not make a load of idle threats. I wouldn't suggest you confront the guy, but in my experience its far better to confront someone one to one than with mates. If you get your point across one to one, he is less likely to come after you than if you had a mate or two with you.

going with a mate/mates in my opinion shows the guy you are concerned about dealing with him yourself.

In these cases the police are about as much use as a chocolate fireguard, if the guy is hanging around outside your house, the only way to get the police there is to phone and tell them you are going out to deal with him if they are not there in 10 minutes, "starting from now".

It's worked for me in other situations.

Thats exactly the situation! He's allready scared off most of her male freinds, infact he allready has a mob after him, hence why hes so insistant of moving with her, he'll get shock when he comes to the door this time and i answer though

. And yep your right about him being spineless, he wont confront me himself, instead he likes to email idle threats and say hes going to get his 'mates' to sort me out, he didnt know what to say when i told him to make it within the hour then ..... guttless ******