Why am i scared?

[Druchii]

Just something that i've finally admitted to myself recently, i used to just brush it aside, and make excuses over it, but now, while i'm getting invited more and more places, their is no hiding fromt it.

I'm scared, a hell of alot, of meeting new people that are potentially new friends, i get scared of what will happen, how things will go wrong and how i'd just end up with another enemy. Or, how i think i'd get backstabbed. And what's worse is, this only happens when i have another friend of mine with me there to meet these new people. If i'm alone there is no problem.

I managed it once, meeting new people, in a new area, with a good freind of mine. We met 2 females in York, one later turned out as my GF, after that though, i've not been able to do it since :S

I'm starting to think i need serious help.
Like tomorrow, i'm meant to be in Sheffield, with someone i've known 2 years and respect a great deal, but there are new people as well, and it's generally scaring me to the point where i'm about to cancel.

Anything you guys/gals can suggest here? i feel trapped.

yes, go and do it, force yourself - you will most likely find that once you are there, that which you fear won't actually be as bad as you imagine.

- the appropriate cliché is 'there is nothing to fear but fear, itself', and to an extent it can be true..

Of course, once you get there, if you really don't like it, you don't have to stay - so no need to feel 'trapped', either way.

[Flobajob]

Originally Posted by Druchii

Just something that i've finally admitted to myself recently, i used to just brush it aside, and make excuses over it, but now, while i'm getting invited more and more places, their is no hiding fromt it.

I'm scared, a hell of alot, of meeting new people that are potentially new friends, i get scared of what will happen, how things will go wrong and how i'd just end up with another enemy. Or, how i think i'd get backstabbed. And what's worse is, this only happens when i have another friend of mine with me there to meet these new people. If i'm alone there is no problem.

I managed it once, meeting new people, in a new area, with a good freind of mine. We met 2 females in York, one later turned out as my GF, after that though, i've not been able to do it since :S

I'm starting to think i need serious help.
Like tomorrow, i'm meant to be in Sheffield, with someone i've known 2 years and respect a great deal, but there are new people as well, and it's generally scaring me to the point where i'm about to cancel.

Anything you guys/gals can suggest here? i feel trapped.

You might be suffering from a social anxiety disorder, best thing to do is to discuss it with your doctor first.

[Druchii]

Originally Posted by homealone

yes, go and do it, force yourself - you will most likely find that once you are there, that which you fear won't actually be as bad as you imagine. - the appropriate cliché is 'there is nothing to fear but fear, itself', and to an extent it can be true.. Of course, once you get there, if you really don't like it, you don't have to stay - so no need to feel 'trapped', either way.

Just confirmed i'm going tomorrow, but, explained how i felt about the other people... Not too sure how it was taken, cos, i'm sure if i met them one at a time on their own i'd be fine.

As for Social Anxiety Disorders, i think if i say i have one, i;'ll make myself believe i have one, but thanks for its name.

I'm just at a loss as to what causes this, as it only happens in certain circumstances.

The best advice I can give you Drucchii is to just be yourself.

Originally Posted by Dodger444

The best advice I can give you Drucchii is to just be yourself.

ditto

Originally Posted by Druchii

Just confirmed i'm going tomorrow, but, explained how i felt about the other people... Not too sure how it was taken, cos, i'm sure if i met them one at a time on their own i'd be fine.

As for Social Anxiety Disorders, i think if i say i have one, i;'ll make myself believe i have one, but thanks for its name.

I'm just at a loss as to what causes this, as it only happens in certain circumstances.

It may just be your age. You will gain confidence as you grow older. Try to enjoy life, its not as if these people you meet are going to have a major impact on how you turn out. Try to relax a bit. Mind over matter, you don't mind cos they don't matter!
My Aunt and Uncle used to live in Hexthorpe (Kirk St), if you live there you can cope with anything!

[danielf]

Thirded. It sounds like you're followed by the teenage FBI

[budwieser]

Originally Posted by Druchii

Just something that i've finally admitted to myself recently, i used to just brush it aside, and make excuses over it, but now, while i'm getting invited more and more places, their is no hiding fromt it.

I'm scared, a hell of alot, of meeting new people that are potentially new friends, i get scared of what will happen, how things will go wrong and how i'd just end up with another enemy. Or, how i think i'd get backstabbed. And what's worse is, this only happens when i have another friend of mine with me there to meet these new people. If i'm alone there is no problem.

I managed it once, meeting new people, in a new area, with a good freind of mine. We met 2 females in York, one later turned out as my GF, after that though, i've not been able to do it since :S

I'm starting to think i need serious help.
Like tomorrow, i'm meant to be in Sheffield, with someone i've known 2 years and respect a great deal, but there are new people as well, and it's generally scaring me to the point where i'm about to cancel.

Anything you guys/gals can suggest here? i feel trapped.

Probably a lack of self esteem and confidence Mate. I suffered from that for many years, wondering if people would like me or not and wondering if i could meet peoples expectations of me.
In the end, just be yourself, be you and if people don`t like you for who you are, they`re not worth knowing anyway.
Have faith in yourself, just as you do in this forum, We all like you.!
Be yourself and relax Dude.

[greencreeper]

I've suffered from it for the last twenty-nine years Imprint past negative experiences on future experiences - perhaps even to go so far as to avoid future experiences in the self-realised belief that they will be negative. It's self-perpetuating - expect it to go badly, it does (because subconsciously you focus on the negative and ignore the positive), it confirms your beliefs...

[Druchii]

Originally Posted by Creative

It may just be your age. You will gain confidence as you grow older. Try to enjoy life, its not as if these people you meet are going to have a major impact on how you turn out. Try to relax a bit. Mind over matter, you don't mind cos they don't matter! My Aunt and Uncle used to live in Hexthorpe (Kirk St), if you live there you can cope with anything!

Kirk St. Is not far away at all. I'm surviving here, get the odd bit of abuse, but it gets taken care of when the local lads have a god and can't take it back They soon give in with me for some reason.

I've told who i'm meant to be meeting how i feel, tomorrow will be the moment of truth, mind you, she was a little bit tipsy when i told her, so whether she'll think i'm serious, or just being an @rse will soon become apparant when shes back to normal.

Another instance of this was last tuesday, i got invited out for a few drinks (yeah, i know, naughty naughty ) And even though i knew 3 of the 6 people going it still scared me into giving it a miss. If i'm invited this week, i've told everyone to force me to go, and i shall appear... I hope.

I think it could be my age really, trying to discover who i really am now i'm being set free on the world (no more mandatory education...) and of course, lack od self-esteem. Maybe that coupled with a bad break-up or 2? I have no idea what other stuff could contribute, but i'm sure they're part of it.

Oh, i 'accidentally' forgot to add i like this person i'm meeting tomorrow as well, and need time to speak with her, since it will be the first time i've met with her since shes found out. Maybe a lil wierd, and thats another reason i don't want the others there. (Or, maybe it's my mind making me excuses so i can ressaure myself i'm normal?)

Thanks for all the help so far, knew i could count on you lot

[kronas]

i dont think i can add much to what has just been said, i get extremely shy at times. even around people who i happen to have known for a while, not in great detail but on and off, most of the time im calm and relaxed, im quiet by nature

anyway the best thing to do is relax and let your mind unwind and start talking, if someone is being an **** then just standup for yourself, if there is one thing i learned is ignore the t***ers and talk to the nice ones.

you say you like this woman..... i can never talk to a woman properly, ive never been able to, no idea why, but somehow i end up talking a load of rollocks not good if your trying to have an inteligent conversation

that happen if i already know the lady, i sometimes want to approach a woman but never have the gall to do it, i wouldnt know where to start

[Druchii]

Heh, Good advice Kronas, i find approaching them to talk hard as well, i let them approach me Much easier... haha.

I think i forgot to add, i've known her quite a while (a few years now) and we've had a close friendship, with its ups and downs, and the odd moment of... well. Kissing really. Which is a bit of a contributing factor to needing time to talk to her.

Best advice yet: Force yourself to go, then relax.

Works for me... I hope. Stage 1 almost complete.

[bopdude]

Originally Posted by homealone

ditto

I'll have a bit of the ditto steaks, so much so that at the first Cf meet in Manchester they had me feeling so comfortable that I flashed me **** ( usual party trick type thing ) i should know better.

Seriously though, as has been said, go, be yourself, give it a shot and if you don't like it, turn back.

HTH