The morning after the night before ... help!

[ntl customer]

Morning all.

I'm sure there's quite a few people nursing a hangover this morning - me and some friends included. I think one's got work this morning at 9am - ouch.

Went to a friend's birthday yesterday and a good friend got a little to drunk, and well, turned a little violent and all abusive to people - me included. Some of the things he said were a bit, well, tactless and offensive.

Also, he threatened break some stuff belonging to the host of said party, who is also a good friend of mine and his (well, he was very "out" of it at the time - I don't think in all of our time we've not seen him like this; and if he did I very much doubt if she'd forgive him if he did, even as a joke and it would wreck her day.). Me and another girl (who is also a maet of mine and his and of the host) had to gently push him away from the items - I think it was better safe than sorry; although deep down I wouldn't think he'd do what he was going to do to his best mate, he was out of it and unpredictable).

I and this other girl had a quiet word in the ear of the host, and in turn, she wanted to have a quiet word in the ear of the drunken mate as a friend to friend thing (not confrontational) - however, he took this in the wrong way and refused to speak to her and blamed me and t'other girl for saying about it.

Towards the end he felt very bad after this and was quite upset about himself - not just about this 'incident' but in general, and he kept on putting himself down a lot.

I'm going to see him on Monday and I don't know what to say or approach this. Should I get him to apologise for what he did first?

Should I apologise for what I did, and was I wrong to do it?

Should I have taken offence to what he said to me when he was drunk, or should I just chalk it off because he was in the state he was (he wouldn't normally say this sort of stuff if he were sober ... or is there something else he thinks about me)?

Any advice about how to go about this would be appreciated. And what would you do if you were in my situation?

As to my personal take on this - alcohol can cause people to do stupid things that they never did before. It can turn them into Jekyll and Hyde. People can get hurt, even if it wasn't "intended".

[Halcyon]

I dont think you need to apologise at all.
You were looking out out for him.

He will probably feel really embaressed about it now but that comes with situations like that.
If he has not already done so, I would suggest he apologises to the host of the party.

I dont know what it is with certain people.... Some drink and are harmless and laugh the night away, whilst others get violent.
I'd advise him to drink less in the future if he wants to avoid a similar situation.

[Rob]

Alchohol causes many people to loose their inhibitions. In the cool light of day there might well be some cause for reflection and regret over one's actions. However a lot of people may not entirely recall the minute detail of what happened it disappearing into that drunken haze.

There will be a need for bridge building, but if you are good friends you should still be able to speak amicably and sort things out. If they are appropriate appologies will come from both sides quite naturally during any conversation.

The only real risk here is that the loss of inhibitions meant that, with the loss of normal self control and tact, the few minor misgivings a person has about someone come to the fore, and are in fact genuinely felt.

Major answer here is not to get so drunk next time.

I bet he remembers nothing about it this morning. Give him a ring and see if he does remember then tell him he made himself look right daft.

[ntl customer]

Cheers for the advice guys.

Like all of you said, the apologies came out as soon as I met him. It was one of the first things he said when we segued into the topic of Saturday night during conversation. It wasn't just me who was 'affected' that night, and he was rather embarrased about his behaviour when he sobered up in the cold light of day. He's made up with the host and they're best mates again.

I've even got some video and audio clips I shall dig out for him, as he said he couldn't remember what he said that night. I think all of us will be watching how much he drinks next time we have such things again.

I think it wasn't until 'breaking point' that we realised that he had had too much - yeah, he was behaving a little erratically. He was trying to nick drinks off everyone else and necking them and I think this should have been the 'you've had too much - sober up a bit' point.

Originally Posted by ntl customer

Cheers for the advice guys.

Like all of you said, the apologies came out as soon as I met him. It was one of the first things he said when we segued into the topic of Saturday night during conversation. It wasn't just me who was 'affected' that night, and he was rather embarrased about his behaviour when he sobered up in the cold light of day. He's made up with the host and they're best mates again.

I've even got some video and audio clips I shall dig out for him, as he said he couldn't remember what he said that night. I think all of us will be watching how much he drinks next time we have such things again.

I think it wasn't until 'breaking point' that we realised that he had had too much - yeah, he was behaving a little erratically. He was trying to nick drinks off everyone else and necking them and I think this should have been the 'you've had too much - sober up a bit' point.

I'm glad you sorted it mate and I'm glad he's admitted to his actions, beer can cause allsorts of problems to your memory. When I was a young un out on the lash I used to forget where to toilet was.

[basa]

Unfortunately I would pay regard to Rob Cs response above.

Alcohol releases peoples normal inhibitions and allows true feelings to come to the fore.

I would not trust this person, true friends do not abuse or threaten violence to m8s.