something thats playing on my mind...

[kronas]

yep another relationship thread

anyway, tonight i saw an old freind of mine, not seen him a while we got talking and stuff, eventually we got around to old times, concerning a bunch of other people who we met, now the basic gist of it is a groups of lads found a group of ladies, going back three years, out of that there is one man and one lady who have since day one had a penchant for each other soon after got together in a a steady relationship.


anyway time has gone past and i thought everything was ok, but then i was on messenger talking about my problems and i noticed certain hints towards unhappiness on her part, being irratable towards her boyfreind, so i delved deeper, this guy and lady are from two diffarent races, he CANNOT ever marry this person, unless he wants his family to persicute him to the fullest extent, personally i dont see a 'real' commitment to this relationship.

anyway from what i have heard she has been really getting a hard time from the guy, who has been 'following' her every move, not letting her do things, stopping her from going out partying/drinking etc, they both have been doing things behind each others back in that respect, im not saying cheating on each other, but it seems you cannot trust this guy.

ive dealt with this guy in a business like manner and im telling you hes an ****, rude, blatant, a typical immature person childish antics.

ill admit i always fancied her (still do) but was too late, i was never in the running anyway but back to the point, i know her more than i know him, she seems a good person, very understanding, we can solve each others problems, i have confided in her, she has in me, shes very down to earth, has depth, is intelligent.

i cant help but feel sorry for her having a ***** of a boyfreind, ive not seen/spoken/messaged her in ages, but she seems unhappy alot of the time, i always persevered wih her and stopped her from ending a seemingly good relationship.

im just fearful of what will happen to this person, i care alot about, not just because i fancy her to hell, but its more than that, i treat her like my own sister, im very casual and she is with me.

[Halcyon]

Apart from giving her the advice that you have done, I dont think there is a lot more that you can do, apart from to be there for her if she needed to come to you for help.
She has to see things herself and make up her own mind about what she wants to do with the relationship.

You could tell her that it is her life and that it is not her boyfriends place to control her like that. I think they both need to have a talk to work out what they really want.
If they want to be together then there is no way they can have a propper relationship if there is all this insecurity and conflict between the relationship.
Either he is committed to making it work and should forget what other people say about him as it is their relationship and no one elses, OR, he leaves now as there is no way a relationship can continue like that if he is going to be leading a conflicting life between girlfriend and his own family.

Oh how did people manage with the trials a tribulations life brings before the internet ???

[Pia]

No need to feel sorry for her, she doesn't have to be in that situation. Life is what you make it after all

[Graham M]

Originally Posted by zinglebarb

Oh how did people manage with the trials a tribulations life brings before the internet ???

Dear Diane newspaper columns

[Pia]

I thought it was Dear Deirdre

[Graham M]

There were lots of similarly named columns

[Maggy J]

It was Dear Marge or Claire..the late incomparable Margery Proops or kindly auntlike Claire Rainer.

[kronas]

Originally Posted by Pia

No need to feel sorry for her, she doesn't have to be in that situation. Life is what you make it after all

i feel there is, i know how love can do strange things to you, you dont want to pull away from someone who you love despite their treatment which maybe harsh or symptamatic of damn near abuse, i feel for certain individuals in my life, only my family and one or two others, who i feel are genuine people, not two faced and willing to go behind your back just to gossip.

ack i care too much sometimes

[Kliro]

Unfortunately she won't thank you for 'helping' her, she's not been forced into the relationship, and from what I can tell she's just annoyed that she can't marry this guy?

Either way, I think you'd be better off keeping your advice to yourself, I've got a feeling she wouldn't appreciate it.

[kronas]

Originally Posted by Kliro

Unfortunately she won't thank you for 'helping' her, she's not been forced into the relationship, and from what I can tell she's just annoyed that she can't marry this guy?

no, marriage has never croseed their minds, my freind whos close to the boyfreind said "hes always up her ****" which roughly converts to he wont let her go anywhere alone without him being there, when they are together.

Originally Posted by Kliro

Either way, I think you'd be better off keeping your advice to yourself, I've got a feeling she wouldn't appreciate it.

your right, i missed her as she was on MSN earlier funnily enough, its just that i really care about this person, as a freind, as a sister, a confidant, i dont think she holds me in that kind of esteem, thats not what im bothered about its her welfare and safety which is my primary concern.

[Druchii]

Originally Posted by kronas

yep another relationship thread <snip>

Why did you just describe my exact situation with the addition of different races?
I'm pretty much in the same position.

All i can say is just be there for her, don't try to make her force any changes or anything, be a shoulder to cry on if need be and wait until she tells you she really wants to get out of it before you even suggest you could help her do so.

My advice to the person in my situation was to try and sit down and talk about things with the guy, if that can't be done after 2 or 3 attempts she will notice herself that even though she loves him, and she thinks he loves her he may not be worth staying with.

I don't know what to say as i'm still figuring my own situation out which i'm expecting will take at least a few weeks, at most, a few months.

Good luck.

[kronas]

ta, i think im going to sit back to let things take course,while keeping an eye out on her.

[Escapee]

Originally Posted by kronas

yep another relationship thread

this guy and lady are from two diffarent races, he CANNOT ever marry this person, unless he wants his family to persicute him to the fullest extent,

I can appreciate some of what you are saying, because my parents dont like black people. I have had a few black girlfriends, and to be honest its tough on them. If my parents dont like it they know what they can go and do.

I do have a fairly good relationship with my parents, but if the crunch ever come I would make a decision to suit myself and not anybody else. I guess that could sound selfish, but you only get one go at life no matter what anyone believes.

The more worrying part about this is the guys tactics, unless of course the woman is making it sound worse than what it is. I am guessing and will probably get flamed for this, but I guess he probably comes from a very religious background.

[budwieser]

Originally Posted by kronas

no, marriage has never croseed their minds, my freind whos close to the boyfreind said "hes always up her ****" which roughly converts to he wont let her go anywhere alone without him being there, when they are together.



your right, i missed her as she was on MSN earlier funnily enough, its just that i really care about this person, as a freind, as a sister, a confidant, i dont think she holds me in that kind of esteem, thats not what im bothered about its her welfare and safety which is my primary concern.

"hes always up her ****" Maybe thats where the problem lies!
Line of sight and all that!