Personal problem shared

Escapee · 18-05-2006, 19:30

I posted around 12 months or more about a personal situation, I would like to update in a new post and get some thoughts.

Back in 1987 I finished with a GF from a rough family, I saw her months later looking very chubby around the middle (pregnant) she said it wasn't mine so that was that. Around the end of 1990 I had a summons to appear in court for maintenance payments, the summons gave the childs date of birth as 2nd feb 1988. I knew straight away that if it had been mine she must of been 11 months pregnant at least!

Anyway, I went to court got past the horrible woman judge who would of had me hung drawn and quartered for being a father disowning his child. I had to get permisssion to have a DNA test, then I had to pay all the costs including the tests for the child and the mother. Add this to the solicitors fees, doctors fees and lost wages it came to approx ÃƒÆ’Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ãƒâ€šÃ‚Â£1200 in those days. (DNA is cheaper these days) I was never able to claim a penny back because the mother was on income support and legal aid, the legal aid were happy to take on the case, but not bear the costs where they were wrong. The mother still carried on telling people I was the father and when anyone mentioned the DNA, she would claim I bribed the doctors and solicitors etc. The fact that it was proved by DNA and mother nature wouldn't penetrate her thick skull.

Last year (I think) the 17 year old girl turned up outside at my local pub,(wouldn't be allowed in) thinking I was her father. I agreed to meet her the following day and I did to showed her the results of the DNA test. She was mad that her mother had lied to her for 17 years and apparently caused a big fuss over it. I thought that was an end to it, until last Friday night!

She is now 18 and came to the door of my local pub around midnight on Friday asking for me, the landlord let her but was a bit shocked because she claimed I was her father. She came upto me and started telling people I was her dad, she put her arms around me and said "I know your not my dad, but I still class you as my dad" I was a bit shocked to say the least, and was for once speechless as I looked around at women scowling at this horrible guy who has apparently disowned his daughter. She then said "Kiss me on the lips dad" (ARRRGGGHHH) I said "NO" in horror at her suggestion.

She then went on to say she had been abused, I said "Is the abuser dead now" (taking an educated guess and knowing he has died recently) and she said "Yes" She said "It was my grandfather, and he abused my mother too"
The girl could of course be telling a lie, but its a strange situation for someone to say things like that about a recently deceased close relative.

It had never really occured to me, but the facts are quite alarming.

*Mother pregnant and gives birth 11 months after we finish.
*Takes me to court 2 years later after I had claimed it wasn't my child.
*Still goes around telling people it is my child and in total denial for 17 years.
*Grandfather apparently sexually abuses grandaughter and daughter.

I'm not sick, but I have been thinking who the real father could be!

handyman · 18-05-2006, 19:34

Why did you pay for the DNA, Surely the burden of proof lies with the prosecution?

AndrewJ · 18-05-2006, 19:36

Man that is one ****ed up position your in!

**Damien** · 18-05-2006, 19:50

Indeed. Nicely handled on your part however. You seem to have shown outstanding sense and skill in dealing with the matter

It is however a horrible situation for those involved. Especially the girl

Kliro · 18-05-2006, 19:51

oooh, not good. Are you planning on taking on the job of her mentor of sorts??

or is it, as I'd believe; rather a bit too surreal and weird??

Hard decision to make, good luck to you whichever you choose.

Halcyon · 18-05-2006, 19:52

Crikey you have been through a lot and I know you must want this sorting out as soon as possible and laid to rest.
If the daughter keeps on harassing you you could even go to the police and they might have a word with her.
Maybe the scene she did in the pub and talking about being abused was trying to to take you on some kind of guilt trip for not being there for her.
She certainly seems to have had it drummed into her head that you are her father and even after you showed her the DNA papers she could just be wanting to hang on to the dream of knowing someone who she can call her father.
You should try to get some sort of help from a solicitor / police ? maybe and get them to explain to her fully the fact that you have never been her father.
I wish you good luck.

Pia · 18-05-2006, 19:52

Oh my god... this sounds like a story for Trisha

Why would she just come and tell you, a 'stranger' about all this?!

So what are you going to do?

Escapee · 18-05-2006, 19:55

Quote:

Originally Posted by handyman

Why did you pay for the DNA, Surely the burden of proof lies with the prosecution?

Not in a paternity case, the woman can basically lie and say you are the father when you are not. The court will accept the word of the woman but not the word of the man.

The only way out of it would of been to say I had never slept with her, the solicitor advised that it was a dodgy situation because if I had my dates wrong and it was my child I could of ended up in prison by making such a claim.

I am not sure if there have been any changes to the law, but if a woman makes such a claim you are basically stuffed!

ps: I have a copy of the DNA test and the letter from her solicitor dropping the case, I will be taking it with me to the pub this weekend in case any women try to give me sh*t over it.
---------- Post added at 19:55 ---------- Previous post was at 19:53 ----------

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pia

Oh my god... this sounds like a story for Trisha

Why would she just come and tell you, a 'stranger' about all this?!

So what are you going to do?

The problem is, she doesn't class me as a stranger because she said "I know your not my dad, but I still class you as my dad"

banjo · 18-05-2006, 20:06

Not wanting to worry you, but this young woman could become pregnant and blame you ! Please be very careful .

Kliro · 18-05-2006, 20:09

Both mother and daughter claiming to have been impregnated by him seems a bit unreal though...

Escapee · 18-05-2006, 20:29

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kliro

Both mother and daughter claiming to have been impregnated by him seems a bit unreal though...

Hang on, make this clear....

both are claiming the grandfather abused them, not me!

Kliro · 18-05-2006, 20:32

No, I was replying to Banjo there.

Maybe suggest she gets a blood test to check if her grandfather is her father. Which I hope isn't the case.

Escapee · 18-05-2006, 20:37

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kliro

No, I was replying to Banjo there.

Maybe suggest she gets a blood test to check if her grandfather is her father. Which I hope isn't the case.

It's OK, I was just making that point clear in case anyone picked it up there.

Well, as the grandfather has recently died, I guess its a bit difficult aprt from digging him up or testing the ashes. The really strange thing, is I went up around that way about two weeks ago past the house, (in that are for other reasons) and noticed the house has all metal grids over the door and windows. I don't know what thats all about, but its the only house like that around there.

I dont know whats strange about it, but it stood out at the time.

Tuftus · 18-05-2006, 22:03

Two words.

Restraining Order.

Get one, this sounds like one bitter person...

bopdude · 19-05-2006, 07:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tuftus

Two words.

Restraining Order.

Get one, this sounds like one bitter person...

Hate to say it, but I'm with Tuftus on this one, sounds like a case of Mother brainwashing kid, your the 'target' get 'them' out of the picture, smells like a storms a brewing, be carefull, espeacially with 'the daughter' wanting a kiss on the lips, wtf's that about.............entrapment / blackmail, well you said they were from dodgy roots.

Good luck mate, watch your back, keep people near when / if they turn up