I feel...

[Druchii]

I want to ask you guys and gals your opinions on something that has been getting to me for the past few weeks, and peaked this weekend.

As you could've guessed from a few hints i've dropped in one or two posts i split with my ex girlfriend Janurary 2nd, but, i still keep thinking of her, and still feel everything for her. Everything i used to feel is still there and seems to be multiplied by tenfold.

I want to ask you all if this is normal after 4months to still think about someone so much, i mean i saw her this weekend and we sat around watching movies, went for a stroll around the city centre at 1am. And ended up holding hands. Just like old times.
Am i being stupid to htink i could still manage to get back with her, as she lives about 25miles away (26.3 to be exact [mapping program to thank for that one])

Help..

[greencreeper]

I still carry a torch for the first guy I fooled around with and really fancied - that was a decade ago. I still go funny inside when I catch sight of someone that looked like he did back then. I guess it takes time for feelings to fade, or for new ones to take their place

[Disclaimer: no expert in matters of the heart. Awful track record]

[Halcyon]

It's not wrong to still think about someone. Each person needs different amounts of time to be able to move on.
The fact that you are meeting up with her and she seems to be accpeting this holding hands and stuff seems to give you some hope but girls (as I've found out myself) can be very hard to read so you really need to know how she feels about the whole situation.
Is she trying to move on ? Does she have a new boyfriend ?

If you want to get back with her you need to know what she thinks about it too, before you can go any more forward with this.
Ask her if there is a chance of you starting again.

If she says no, then its time to let things go. It's hard but it does get easier over time.
Good luck.

PS: Love can be the greatest yet most annoying thing at times.
It messes with your head totally.
It does get better with time so good luck with everything.

[kronas]

...and this is whats called caring ofcourse a person can never 'get over' someone instantly, how long had you previously gone out with this person, its perfectly natural to feel what your feeling, i dont think anyone can totally 'let go' of thier feelings for someone they will always be there but fade slightly as time goes by, just enjoy the moments you have as freinds, i know its not enough but maybe there can be reconcilliation in the future, dont hold out for that though, just move forward and enjoy the moments with her.

[Druchii]

Originally Posted by greencreeper

I still carry a torch for the first guy I fooled around with and really fancied - that was a decade ago. I still go funny inside when I catch sight of someone that looked like he did back then. I guess it takes time for feelings to fade, or for new ones to take their place

I'm like that as well, if i see someone who even looks remotely like her my heart jumps.
(No disclaimers needed btw, we all have bad times, and good ones, i know that at least now)

Originally Posted by Halcyon

Is she trying to move on ?

She has said to a few of her friends she's trying her best to move on, but every now and again wishes she hadn't ended it with me. Which also gives me a little hope.

Originally Posted by Halycon

Does she have a new boyfriend ?

She's had 2 since me, and everytime she's come to me with her problems, which is what i always told her to do. One lasted 2 weeks. the other 3 weeks, one of the contributing factors to her ending that one was a kiss we shared about 3 weeks ago. I got a text that same night asking me if the kiss meant anything to me, as it did to her. Once more this gives me hope.

Originally Posted by kronas

...and this is whats called caring

And that just put a smile on my face thanks. In fact your whole post reinforced relationship goodness. And has made me think of just trying to enjoy things.

[Halcyon]

It's clear there still are some feelings between you both. you've just got to live life and see if it leads to anything happening.
I wish you all the best.

Good luck mate,

Just a thought really, you have to sort the reason for the breakup in the first place otherwise it maybe a get together formed out of habit and not luv, you gotta talk talk and talk to each other as in my humble opinion and to my cost the other half anit a mind reader...

Either way it hurts like a mofo and no there is no set time BUT it does get less and less.

[smicer07]

It's normal mate.

[Pia]

You'll still feel the same until you break all ties probably

I had this with my last boyfriend, we stayed friends, but were a lot closer than normal friends and i still loved him, it could only end because we had a massive argument and he started going out with someone from our work, giving me the chance to move on away from him...
We are friends now though, even though i don't like his girlfriend she's sooo annoying

[Druchii]

Originally Posted by gaffer_gump

Just a thought really, you have to sort the reason for the breakup in the first place otherwise it maybe a get together formed out of habit and not luv, you gotta talk talk and talk to each other as in my humble opinion and to my cost the other half anit a mind reader...

The original break-up reason as said by her was that i was too clingy, and, i'm guilty as charged. I've tried to lay off things alot more, and it seems to be benefitting us both, just reading the other thread on relationship problems gave me some help too. We do talk alot, and the amount of time on the phone just seems to increase weekly. Like old itme when we spent 4hours talking solid, god knows what we talked about but it was all good, and we did get along really well. I always had a smile on my face afterwards

Originally Posted by pia

it could only end because we had a massive argument

That's exactly what happened on my 17th birthday, we literally threw everything we had at eachother, later that night when she'd gone home i just texted her saying it shouldn't have been that way. 3 days later and we were laughing about it, and started sorting some of the problems that were highlighted in our argument.

Today however, i'm thankful i posted this here as you all know what to say, and how to advise with the looks of it

This was a 10month relationship lasting from when i was 4 days over sixteen. I used to wonder if i was too young to feel thios way about someone ?

[kronas]

i think your the right age certainly at 16 to have feelings, arguments happen everyday 'loverstiffs' but the one thing that you must remember is that disagreements will always happen in any relationship, indeed relationships themselves have to have what i call 'give and take' to reconcile is the best thing you can do, its about being rational about things.

situational awareness and control are the key points in a relationship, you have to know what the other person is feeling to sort your own feelings out.

love makes people do strange things but the one thing i have learned is that you miust take heed to the other person, what he or she feels, its good to talk about feelings, but remember dont make things too uncomfortable for the other person, switch subjects if things get too tempered.

[Druchii]

Ok after a talk about relationships yesterday with her (albeit a brief one) it seems she was worried about getting drunk and cheating, which, i have to say she did this to me in France.. And i felt guilty, so i reassured her that she was drunk and so i could, and did forgive her. etc. T'was all going well, we've been texting today, had a laugh... But, i've noticed this now...

This hasn't happened since i was first going out with her, but i now get butterflies when i try and call her? I get them that bad that i can't actually press the dial key on my phone... I don't believe it.

Just thought i'd get this off my chest so to speak, and ask, has this happened to you lot before? Seems kinda wierd to me.

[Escapee]

I felt exactly the same about someone I met, she dumped me and I was very bad over it for a long time. I guess I am still not fully over the situation, and it didn't help when she phoned me after two years to tell me how much she is missing me. She witheld her number and claimed she was coming to see me soon, apart from another load of silent calls I have heard nothing since. (4 months)

I think she makes the silent calls to see if a woman answers, she made two silent calls when my girlfriend was here on her own and then got her young daughter to phone at mod night asking my girlfriend "who are you"

I guess I will never be fully over her, after all the hate that followed the split when she dumped me, she has proved she has feelings and admitted she was very jealous when she saw me out with another woman. She gave me the impression she expected to walk back into my life, but I was not very accomodating with that idea.

Splitting can be painful and can take ages to get over, opening up the wounds after two years makes things much worse.

[Druchii]

Originally Posted by Escapee

I felt exactly the same about someone I met, she dumped me and I was very bad over it for a long time. I guess I am still not fully over the situation, and it didn't help when she phoned me after two years to tell me how much she is missing me. She witheld her number and claimed she was coming to see me soon, apart from another load of silent calls I have heard nothing since. (4 months) I think she makes the silent calls to see if a woman answers, she made two silent calls when my girlfriend was here on her own and then got her young daughter to phone at mod night asking my girlfriend "who are you" I guess I will never be fully over her, after all the hate that followed the split when she dumped me, she has proved she has feelings and admitted she was very jealous when she saw me out with another woman. She gave me the impression she expected to walk back into my life, but I was not very accomodating with that idea. Splitting can be painful and can take ages to get over, opening up the wounds after two years makes things much worse.

Agreed, especially taking a while... and reopening wounds.

I phoned her in the end, and had a cracking chat, lasted 2hours. And all went well, managed to clear somethings up about one of her ex's (Yep, still worry about them... lol)


Thanks for the support of everyone here though.

[BigDave1]

If she is holding your hand then I would take that as a sign she may want to get back together.

I mean, does a boy and a girl who are just friends hold hands? Unlikely.