Grief

[greencreeper]

Is it possible not to feel a sense of loss?

[danielf]

Originally Posted by greencreeper

Is it possible not to feel a sense of loss?

I think a bit more info would be helpful...

[dilligaf1701]

I don't think anyone can tell you how you should feel.

But I agree with danielf - more info would be help.

[greencreeper]

Originally Posted by danielf

I think a bit more info would be helpful...

You want me to make it easy on you and narrow the scope a little huh

I was just watching House and was deeply curious about the five stages of dying he gave - Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. I did a bit of research and found, amongst others, this article - http://www.counselingforloss.com/article8.htm

I can identify easily with the example - usually go through it when I'm late But when I think about the two occasions when I lost someone close to me, I really cannot recall anything other than acceptance.

I know it's folly to say that you're different or not normal because your responses don't follow those set down in a book - just the author's view and at best, generalisations. But I do wonder if it is possible to feel a sense of loss over an lifeless object but feel nothing at the loss of a human.

[dilligaf1701]

Originally Posted by greencreeper

<snip> But I do wonder if it is possible to feel a sense of loss over an lifeless object but feel nothing at the loss of a human.

I think it is possible yes.

[Xaccers]

Yes

[greencreeper]

I think you're missing the point of a discussion

It's interesting how people can grieve at the loss of someone unknown, Diana being the best example. I wonder if such people feel as intense a loss or more so at the loss of someone known.

[danielf]

Bit of an odd article there:

In 1991, the Grief Resource Foundation of Dallas, Texas found that, for them, a good working and practical definition of Grief as "the total response of the organism to the process of change".

So, people who get a promotion/get married/become a father are grieving?

Today, in December 1996, we at TLC Group have come to accept the Grief Response as the Unified Field Theory of All Mental Illness (a subject of another Tip of The Month!)

Wow! I'm impressed...

As for your question: when you say people close to you, do you mean loved ones, or just close?

[dilligaf1701]

Originally Posted by greencreeper

I think you're missing the point of a discussion

It's interesting how people can grieve at the loss of someone unknown, Diana being the best example. I wonder if such people feel as intense a loss or more so at the loss of someone known.

Would I feel more of a loss for someone I know than someone I don't? Is that what you mean?

Yes I would. But I also know people that would feel loss at the same level for all people.

[greencreeper]

Originally Posted by danielf

As for your question: when you say people close to you, do you mean loved ones, or just close?

I didn't want to use four letter words. It's also quite difficult - are friends loved ones or just close? You seem to be able to make a distinction between those who are close and those who are loved. I'm not sure I can. It's also one of those situations in which, if you assume everyone uses the same definitions, you'll probably be wrong and cause misunderstanding.

I'm mainly wondering if it is possible to lack the capacity to grieve or feel loss for another human being.

[TheDaddy]

Compassion is one of the things that separates us from the other animals.

[bopdude]

Originally Posted by greencreeper

I'm mainly wondering if it is possible to lack the capacity to grieve or feel loss for another human being.

Yes it is IMO, whether it be 'family' or other, it is definitely possible not to feel, yes there is something, not remorse, loss, or other, just... thats it, thank you ( maybe ) but goodbye.
Thats how its been with me on a couple of times ( no details ) often thought about a shrink to see if it's 'normal'

At the end of the day, I think we all handle, will handle it differently, is there a 'norm'.............who knows.

[patrickp]

Originally Posted by greencreeper

I didn't want to use four letter words. It's also quite difficult - are friends loved ones or just close? You seem to be able to make a distinction between those who are close and those who are loved. I'm not sure I can. It's also one of those situations in which, if you assume everyone uses the same definitions, you'll probably be wrong and cause misunderstanding.

I'm mainly wondering if it is possible to lack the capacity to grieve or feel loss for another human being.

I'd say that close friends, to some extent, must qualify as loved ones, but that loved ones aren't necessarily friends. If that makes sense.

Are you asking whether there are people who can "lack the capacity to grieve or feel loss for another human being" - to which I'd say, certainly - or whether a person with fairly normal emotional development can lack it - here I'd say, essentially, no. On the other hand, a normal person can insulate themselves from the emotion, but not really, I would think, indefinitely.

I'm reminded of a friend of mine who felt nothing when her mother died. Then, about a year later, she was driving along and was suddenly overcome with grief - she had to pull over and burst into tears.

[danielf]

Originally Posted by patrickp

I'd say that close friends, to some extent, must qualify as loved ones, but that loved ones aren't necessarily friends. If that makes sense.
<snip>

The reason I brought up the distinction was because someone being close, does not necessarily make for a loved one. Family can be an example of people that are close (physically), but not necessarily loved. But I gather that is not what GC is concerned about.

The loss of someone dying the grieving process is selfish.We grieve not because a loved one has passed but for our loss,the fact we will never see them again.
There are of course other forms of grief.The grief of a lost partner still alive just left you.The loss of an object special to you lots of forms of grief all in my opinion selfish.Yes I feel loss the same as everyone but I know im being selfish when i feel it .