Your opinions please.

**Russ** · 21-11-2005, 00:36

More than 3 years ago, I met a girl who was originally from South Wales but was studying in London.

We were in a relationship for 3 months or so and it all ended rather messily but we both eventually moved on.

About 7 months later, from 2 entirely unconnected people, I find out that she told them that I'd got her pregnant. She told one of them that she had an abortion and the other that she's miscarried the feotus after falling down some stairs in the halls of residence. Funnily enough, I remember her telling me she'd taken a tumble down some stairs but at the time all she told me she'd suffered was a twisted ankle.

I was livid when I found out. I don't think I could have stopped her from having the procedure but at the very least she could have told me.

Anyway as I said this was some time ago and of course now I'm with the very wonderful clarie.

But there is a niggling feeling in the back of my mind that wants to know the truth: did she abort my unborn child.

Is it wrong after all these years to want closure on the relationship by finding this out? She's definately out of my system and I've long since moved on but I cannot get rid of this desire.

I understand that if she indeed did have an abortion then it must have been stressful but she could have given me an inkling, even after we'd split.

By the way, the site has recently had one thread regarding the pros/cons of abortions and we're not going back to it thanks.

**Paul M** · 21-11-2005, 00:39

Three years ago !

Honest opinion Russ, forget it and move on, what difference will it make now ?

**Russ** · 21-11-2005, 00:40

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paul M

Three years ago !

Honest opinion Russ, forget it and move on, what difference will it make now ?

It won't make any difference really but given how strongly I now feel about abortion, I feel I deserve to at least be told the truth.

pedantic · 21-11-2005, 00:57

I have to agree with Paul M, you'll not forget it, but you should just get on with the rest of your life. You're obviously happy with your partner now, that's all that matters. I know how you feel about abortion, having read threads on here, but try and put it behind you. Thinking about things like this all the time can lead to problems. I'm sure this won't happen, and I'm sure you have spoke to clarie about this, it could lead to heated debate and the last thing you need is to let this interfere with your current relationship.

Regards.

**Russ** · 21-11-2005, 01:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by pedantic

I'm sure this won't happen, and I'm sure you have spoke to clarie about this, it could lead to heated debate and the last thing you need is to let this interfere with your current relationship.

I have discussed it with her and she's been her usual supportive self

pedantic · 21-11-2005, 01:05

Quote:

Originally Posted by Russ D

I have discussed it with her and she's been her usually supportive self

That's great

It's always good to have someone supportive. My point though, was not to let it really wrangle with you, so it interfere's (sp?) with your future.

Regards.

**Russ** · 21-11-2005, 01:10

Well it eats away at the back of my mind

pedantic · 21-11-2005, 01:14

It's bound to tbh russ, but I get the feeling you've been through the mill a few times before, and am sure you will cope this time too

Regards.

jrhnewark · 21-11-2005, 01:19

The desire to know for sure will fade, slowly but surely.

**Russ** · 21-11-2005, 01:20

I doubt it, given how strongly I feel about abortions.

**Stuart** · 21-11-2005, 01:23

Russ, do you feel that either this girl is likely to lie (she has apparently told two people two stories), or that one (or both) of these people are likely to lie.

21-11-2005, 01:25

I think to find peace you need to think that she wasnt pregnant.In my limited experience with women they can try to curry favour as it were making up stories for different people to try to get them on side.I feel as strongly about abortion as you and I can imagine how you feel but you have no guarantee she will tell you the truth anyway maybe just what you want to hear.Think to yourself she wasnt pregnant and leave it at that

**Russ** · 21-11-2005, 01:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stuart C

Russ, do you feel that either this girl is likely to lie (she has apparently told two people two stories), or that one (or both) of these people are likely to lie.

I really couldn't say. During and just after the relationship I'd have said she wouldn't lie about that, however in the subsequent months I found out how nasty she could be. On the other hand I cannot think of any reason as to why the 2 people would lie - I don't really know either of them and I doubt she'd have expected me to ever bump in to them.

21-11-2005, 01:28

An ex partner of mine told me she had my baby for 18 months I thought she was mine and my ex wouldnt let me see her.It turned out I was just a patsy someone far enough away to blame and the truth is she does not know who the father it.I know this is a different subject but it just outlines how devious some women can be

Xaccers · 21-11-2005, 01:42

If person A is likely to be accepting of someone who's had an abortion, and person B isn't, then a woman who's had an abortion is likely to tell person A the truth, and person B another story such as miscarriage.
Russ, you can either assume she was pregnant and had an abortion, or you can assume she had a miscarriage.
Either way she chose not to tell you, for what ever reason, she thought you didn't need to know, or at least her need not to tell you outweighed your need to know, in her eyes.
If when she found out she was pregnant she decided that she didn't want to go through with it, then it would have been much easier without you trying to stop her or talk her out of it.

Hard as it must be, I would forgive and forget and try to move on.