An old friend

[Escapee]

Here goes, guess I will get slated off for this one.

A while ago there was a thread about friends borrowing money, and I mentioned a lady friend had been borrowing money. Her pattern now seems to be that she goes quiet for a month or two and then calls always being very friendly but soon giving a sob story.

This morning at around 7am she phoned, normally I would be on my way to work.

The soft voice said "Hi Kev, where have you been for the past 2 months"
I thought "Get to the point"
She said "I have missed your company"
I thought "Get to the point"
She said "Where are you"
I said "In bed"
She said " Kev, I am in trouble could you lend me £50"
I said "Why cant Paul your boyfriend lend you it"
She said "He did but I had to spend some of it on food and petrol"
She then said "I can come up now and collect it, I will pay you for it now"

I have never had any close relationship with her and would never exchange money for sex as I have said before.

I said "Sorry I am skint myself"

She eventually gave up after trying to get just £20 out of me and said "OK, I know you have helped before"

She is of course a Black Nigerian, so I knew she would be after money as soon as I answered the phone.

They say things always come in three's...

The second one today is from a Zimbabwean woman I know from Cardiff, she has emailed me out of the blue after no contact for a few months. She says "where are you, you are very quiet lately give me a call"

I somehow expect there is a financial motive in this request, but then again what a nasty person I am for thinking such a thing.

The third, well its not happened yet but no doubt its the season for women thinking guys are mugs.

Originally Posted by Escapee

She then said "I can come up now and collect it, I will pay you for it now"

Bizarre to have to deal with before your first cuppa of the day. lol.

Originally Posted by Escapee

She is of course a Black Nigerian, so I knew she would be after money as soon as I answered the phone.

I won't say the 'R' word, but I do wonder - if you've got such a low opinion of her, was this formed due to your acquaintance or despite it?

Originally Posted by Escapee

The second one today ... I somehow expect there is a financial motive in this request, but then again what a nasty person I am for thinking such a thing.

Unless this is a very similar situation to the previous one, why do you have to think the worst before she's even asked?

I dunno about being a mug, but a cynic - probably?

[Pia]

What's the problem? Just tell her outright 'no i don't like lending money out so i wont lend you it'.

Plus, do you think all black people are scroungers or somethnig?

Maybe the zimbabwean just wanted to know how you were? For all you know she might be lonely or terminally ill and just wants to contact people she knows?

[Escapee]

Originally Posted by ScaredWebWarrior

I won't say the 'R' word, but I do wonder - if you've got such a low opinion of her, was this formed due to your acquaintance or despite it?

I dunno about being a mug, but a cynic - probably?

She has extracted cash from me on a few occassions before, usually when she claims to have no food for her child to go to school, I will only give away what I can afford to loose. The "R" word doesn't come into it, if thats my experience it surely isn't racist to tell my experiences. I find it ironic when she has often mentioned to beware of black women because there is always an agenda, and even warned me off one of her friends becayse she was dodgy. (perhaps wanted to keep the goose who lays golden eggs to herself) I find that they are generally very different from white people no matter what anyone says, white people can be just as poor but not necessarily as cheeky in extracting cash from others.

Although I dont class all black people as the same, I know 3 women of carribean descent and 5 of African descent. I never had any problems with the caribbean ones, the africans are a different matter.
What makes it all the more bizzare, is she is a doctor/consultant for the local health service. So I guess the stereotypical poor black person idea is shot down in flames.

I admit I am generally not a mug, and I agree I am often cynical. When I do have cynical thoughts or say them out loud, I generally tend to be right. I have only ever had one white woman ask me for money.

Perhaps I will give the other one a call to see what she's after!

[Halcyon]

As you seem to be seeing yourself, that particular person seems to only be interested in you when she needs money.
If I was you I'd make a decision now... She cant be a friend if she only contacts you everytime she needs money so its time to let her go.
Would she help you out in the same way ? Does she call you and meet up with you regularly and ask you how your life is going ? The answer is probably No. That is not a friend and you are much better getting people like that (people with alteriour motives who dont give a toss about you) out of your life.
My 2 cents anyway.

[Sarge]

your getting some good advise. I'm not dear abby but STOP throwing your money away, invest it or something. To begin with, at least around here, friends usually do not ask to borrow money unless a true emergency did come up, but they would always pay it back. You have probably never been reimbursed. It's hard at first to be that way but once you turn them down a couple of times they will get the point and quit calling on you.
I have done it and it works.

[Angua]

Where my hubby works they have a lot of agency staff who are for the most part (on nights) Nigerian. Their main priority is (or seems to be) getting as much money as possible to send home.

[ikthius]

when you have given the money to "help", have you ever had it paid back to you?
how much do you consider enough to lose?
I am calculating £50 x 6 (a year) x 5 (years) = £1500, if you can afford to lose that, send me some!?......

no I did lend some one money once, and I have never been paid it back, now I only lend to close family, and even then I ask for it back and give them the sob story more than they gave me.

A good friend will not phone you up just to ask you some pointless questions to get money out of you.

I would tell them straight that you are happy being friends, but no longer can you help them financially, as you could be investing/saving your money for your rainy day, then you will find out how much of a friend *these* people really are

If she is a docotr/health person, then she makes good money, tell her not to live beyond her means, and live a lifestyle appropriate to her earnings.

*the use of these people is intended for money grabbing pikies who just leech on the good natured people*

ik

Originally Posted by Angua

Where my hubby works they have a lot of agency staff who are for the most part (on nights) Nigerian. Their main priority is (or seems to be) getting as much money as possible to send home.

A guy who works with a mate of mine is from Africa, last month he sent £1,500 over to his family in Africa, according to my mate he does this every 2 months.

[Escapee]

Originally Posted by Nidge

A guy who works with a mate of mine is from Africa, last month he sent £1,500 over to his family in Africa, according to my mate he does this every 2 months.

Thats what most of them working here are doing, they live as cheaply as possible and send as much as they can back home to buy property and become rich in their own country.

Some people like to believe they are here to contribute to our economy. It's strange though, ask them and they will glady tell you why they are working in this country!