what is love ?

[kronas]

first off im not on anything but its something i want to get off my chest

i was thinking about diffarent relationships in two cultures, i had another chat with someone tonight and i was often left thinking how culture A westernised differs with culture B pakistani.

ofcourse in structure A is it right that love does really exist, what is it ? to me love is about caring for someone emotionally, intimately, and finding a charismatic bond between two people, but what if things turn sour what happens then ? arguing, bickering, life brings you so many diffarent possabilities, so many variables, do we put up withour partners faults or do we try and change that person overtime...

they say smost relationships dont last, is it because the glamour wears off and the 'hooneymoon period' is over ?

now to culture B you have a path since you are born, you go to mosque pray go to work (male perspective) and are relatively stable, you have your rough period and do dabble in drink and drugs (who doesent these days ?) but you get on with it have a wife who you bring over (or have found someone with the parents permmission from here) have some kids, wife looks after the elders (your parents)

so which is the better ? i dont know, i think i would go with A, maybe thats why im bored with life, too less of a variable really.

feel free to add your comments.

[Roy MM]

what you on tonight m8? you love someone because you fell in love with them, not some kind of arranged contract by both parents that you are commited to, that's just one of the reasons that western civilisation works, my wife can go out alone without having to hide her face and body.

[Martin]

I would say both have the potential to end in disaster and both have potential to work out well! Life is what you make it!!! True love is something you know when you have it. Thing's don't always go sour my Mum and Dad were married 40 years and they had rough times but they got through it.

[me283]

What is love? Well, if you don't know, then you haven't found it. If you have found it, you know how hard it is to describe.

If you get the chance to see "The Wedding Crashers" there is a great definition of love in there... wish I could remember it! But to quote Nazareth "Love hurts". It hurts when you are with someone because you can't ever imagine not being away from the person you love, and it hurts when you aren't with them because being with them makes you complete. And it hurts like hell when it all ends and you start thinking that maybe it wasn't love after all... True love is when you think about that one person the very last thing at night, and the first thing in the morning, as well as every second in between; it's like feeling you have found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow; it's feeling that you want a particular moment to last forever.

That my friend is a glimpse of true love. It's got nothing to do with culture, colour, race, religion... it's only about the spark that ignites the little organ that beats inside your ribcage.

[Stuart]

Which is better? Depends on what you want out of marriage. It's not impossible that two people in an arranged marriage will fall in love.

The way I had arranged marriages explained to me, they can work very well, as most families will at least take into account the feelings of the bride and groom when arranging the marriage.

Of course, non-arranged marriages can also work well, and both arranged marriages and non-arranged marriages can fail.

What is love? Well, I don't know how to describe it accurately, but I do know that the person you fall in love with will become (sometimes quite unexpectedly) the most important person you lnow, and they will become a source a great joy as well as great pain (well, hopefully not too much pain).

Edit: Actually I remember hearing an interview with a relationship counsellor, and they said that if you and your other half ever get to the point where you have "cute" nicknames for each other (Poochie, Snookums, that sort of thing), your relationship is failing.

[makikomi]

I can't see that arranged marriages will work. Yes, there is a chance of a relationship working out, but I think most of the time, the couple may learn to love each other, or they may just stay together out of a sense of duty. Not a good grounding for a lasting relationship. For a really fulfilling relationship, you need to be IN love.

To me, love was soething that was impossible to define. How do you know when you're IN love as opposed to just loving someone?

But I knew it when the time came.

To me, love is knowing the other person's faults, their weaknesses, their failings and still being unable to imagine living the rest of your life without them. It's knowing that whatever happens, the one and only thing that matters is that you have them with you.

If you're really lucky, that person will also be your soulmate.

(I'm really really lucky in having Jules - she's a sweetheart and I love her with all my heart.)

Life is for living, and doesn't come with any surefire formula for happiness or sucess. What you said for culture B may grant you stability, but not necessarily happiness. Given the choice, I'd go for happiness any day.

[me283]

Let's not confuse love with marriage though! It would be nice if they went hand in hand, but it's often not the case.

[Ramrod]

imo culture B has two types of arranged marrriages...........the first is the type where the parents of the couple decide that they want the two married (for financial/political reasons) and thats that--awful, cruel and selfish.
The second type is where the families or a matchmaker observe that two young people are well suited in personality and temprament and the match is arranged (usually without coercion) --thats fine, and many european cultures have had such arrangements for thousands of years.
Culture A's laisser faire attitude to marriage hasn't exactly got a high sucess rate (as shown by the high rate of divorce in the west) and maby we need some sort of rethink...

[Escapee]

Originally Posted by Ramrod

imo culture B has two types of arranged marrriages...........the first is the type where the parents of the couple decide that they want the two married (for financial/political reasons) and thats that--awful, cruel and selfish.
The second type is where the families or a matchmaker observe that two young people are well suited in personality and temprament and the match is arranged (usually without coercion) --thats fine, and many european cultures have had such arrangements for thousands of years.
Culture A's laisser faire attitude to marriage hasn't exactly got a high sucess rate (as shown by the high rate of divorce in the west) and maby we need some sort of rethink...

I think the high divorce rate is a cultural thing though, its easy to get married and easy to divorce in the west. In other cultures, you make a mistake and its tough, you have to live with it.

In the west you make your own mistakes, in some other cultures yur mistakes can be made for you by third parties.

I dont think arranged marriages are successful in making people happy, its just acceptable to people in that culture. Certain cultures treat the women like sh*t, and the women just accept it, in the west they walk out and get a divorce.

Which is best?

[me283]

Or maybe we in the West have it wrong? Many people get married when they have no idea about life in real terms, just some wishy washy dreams of what they think the real world is like; marriage then becomes a huge let-down, as their minds were never really on planet "real world".

On the other hand, in certain Asian cultures for example, the marriage partners are chosen by older and wiser people who may be able to see in advance that a marriage stands a good chance of working.

I don't think it would suit me, but it obviously has worked in the past for a lot of people, so we shouldn't just say it's wrong. I acknowledge however that it is a cultural thing more than anything else, it's just that it's not been the culture in the Western world for many years.

I guess it really depends on what you want from marriage; in the West we have always placed the emphasis more on love, whereas I think that's less true in some other cultures.

But I go back to my earlier point - there is a world of difference between marriage and love.

[cara08]

Originally Posted by Martin

I would say both have the potential to end in disaster and both have potential to work out well! Life is what you make it!!! True love is something you know when you have it. Thing's don't always go sour my Mum and Dad were married 40 years and they had rough times but they got through it.

i agree completely, my mum and dad have just celebrated their golden wedding and they have been through some awful rough times, but i think when it comes down to it, true love is taking the rough with the smooth and not opting out at the the first sign of discord, as it tends to be the case now, with divorce being the norm rather than the exception today. If and when you find true love you`ll know it, and you should take onboard their faults as well as the good things.

[Chris W]

Originally Posted by Stuart C

Edit: Actually I remember hearing an interview with a relationship counsellor, and they said that if you and your other half ever get to the point where you have "cute" nicknames for each other (Poochie, Snookums, that sort of thing), your relationship is failing.

does "baby" count as a cute nickname... i have called ann baby since we met... infact i don't ever calling her her real name does that mean this is doomed?!

[Bex]

Originally Posted by Chris W

does "baby" count as a cute nickname... i have called ann baby since we met... infact i don't ever calling her her real name does that mean this is doomed?!

i was thinking the same thing.... i generally only call my fella by his name when he has annoyed me..... and we have had nicknames for each other from very early on

i think the distinction someone made between being in love and loving someone is a good distinction, i think it is possible to be in a relationship and love someone but not really be in love with them.

for me love is a combination of what others have said, the other person being your last, first, and every thought of the day. Missing them horribly when you're not with them. Acknowledging and accepting their weakness and faults....... putting up with their morning breath and their smelliness.....
but it is also about being comfortable with some (this is where i think the nicknames come in) and furthermore, considering them in every decision you make (by this i don't necessairly mean when making small decisions such as which sandwich to have at lunch) and supporting each other... even if you don't always agree with what the other person decides.

I do not think that either culture A or B has more/less chance of falling in love... falling in love can happen when you least expect it, with someone you might not have execpted to fall in love with

[Raistlin]

Love is.....

The joy that you feel when you are close to someone.
The longing in your heart to spend each minute of the day with them.
The pleasure you share in each touch, real or imagined.
The feeling of being complete that they bring to your life.
The light that banishes the darkness whenever you think of them.

The knot in your stomach when you are apart.
The despair in your heart when you know you can never be together.
The pain of never being able to hold, to touch, to kiss.
The emptiness in your life when they are no longer around.
The shadows in your soul when thoughts aren't enough.

The hope that burns inside, eternal yet fragile like a candle.
The cleansing tears that fall, that bring with them more pain.
The comforting hug in the darkness, that makes you feel alone.
The echoes of caring words, cold and biting like the wind they ride on.
The softest of hands that touches, whilst pushing you away.

The first discovery.
The blossoming joy
The deepest sadness.
The innevitable loss.
The everlasting pain.

Originally Posted by cara08

i agree completely, my mum and dad have just celebrated their golden wedding and they have been through some awful rough times, but i think when it comes down to it, true love is taking the rough with the smooth and not opting out at the the first sign of discord, as it tends to be the case now, with divorce being the norm rather than the exception today. If and when you find true love you`ll know it, and you should take onboard their faults as well as the good things.

So theres hope for me yet then