Dont know who to turn to

Central · 15-08-2010, 20:27

Me and my ex split up in 2008 and we have a son together.

I see him nearly every weekend if work allows and speak to him everyday on the phone. I would say me and his mum are on good terms.

But the nature of this post is everytime he goes home it cuts me up. When we split my ex took my son away from me and the image is burned in my head of my son and ex walking away. I am welling up just typing this now.

I think everytime my son goes home that image is played in my head. I cant stop crying everytime he goes home. I try so hard not to think about it. But I get home and see all his toys and I cant stop the tears.

I dont know who to turn to?

Any help please?

**Russ** · 15-08-2010, 20:35

I get something like this when my daughter goes home on sundays. Nothing anyone here can say will do anything about the pain but someone once told me, "don't be sad that she went home, be happy that she came". Doubt it'll do anything for you but it's a thought.

15-08-2010, 21:04

it will get better I hate it when Bethia goes back to her mums( I wont say home as this is her home to)

Think yourself lucky you get access not all fathers do and just make the most of it and ensure you keep and develope a tight bond with your son.

LondonRoad · 15-08-2010, 21:14

You are all good guys who want to keep in contact with their children after the pain of splitting up. It's not always the case.

It's more than likely that you spend more quality time with your son, Central, than many Fathers who still stay in the "nucleur" family.

Enjoy the time your with him rather than spoiling if for yourself by worrying about the inevitable parting.

Try and play mind games with yourself. Replace the image of your ex and you lad walking away with one of him running up to you, smiling. Remember how you feel when that happens and hold that thought.

If getting things off your chest helps then there are always willing ears on this forum.

**Maggy J** · 15-08-2010, 21:55

Hey chaps I feel the same when my 27 year old daughter comes home for a visit and after a couple of days she leaves to go back to her home.I'm really upset each time I say goodbye to her and I feel exactly the same.I'm 57 for goodness sake but the bond with a child is a strong one and I suspect I'm always going to feel this way..

Now if the case had been that she had lived under another roof from a young age and not with me I think I'd have felt exactly as you do now..It would have been gut wrenching.

The thing is though that you have to be strong enough to say that goodbye because one day they will be walking away from you to their own life and you will have to be able to let them go.

So basically letting go and saying goodbye to your children is something you will have gotten used to by the time they are ready to go out into the world on their own terms.You are going to be ahead of the situation.

Not like me who howled all day the day she left home at 18.

Central · 17-08-2010, 01:35

Thanks everyone.

He has now gone home

budwieser · 17-08-2010, 18:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by Central

Thanks everyone.

He has now gone home

Chin up mate.

LondonRoad · 17-08-2010, 19:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by Central

Thanks everyone.

He has now gone home

Look forward to his next visit and try to think of even more ways to make the time you do with him fun, fun, fun.

**Maggy J** · 17-08-2010, 21:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by LondonRoad

Look forward to his next visit and try to think of even more ways to make the time you do with him fun, fun, fun.

To be honest you probably have a much better time together because time is so short for you both..if you were 24/7 involved you probably wouldn't get as much quality time as you do now..

alferret · 18-08-2010, 12:23

There is always a bright side to situations like this, you get to see your son

me, I have 2 daughters who live 8 mile from me and their mum wont let me see my girls, everytime I think that there may be a breakthrough she moves the goal posts yet is quite happy to take 25% of my wages.
Its coming up to five years since I last saw them, some ex's are bitches some are not, guess you got one of the better ones

Pauls9 · 18-08-2010, 12:40

If the situation's getting you down, your GP could perhaps refer you for counselling. It can work wonders to talk these things through with someone outside the situation who can help you sort things out. (Trust me on that

)

Wayfair · 18-08-2010, 13:13

I to had ex issues, she was getting a chubby chunk of my wages and I was getting limited access and loads of excuses.

Then I had all the money sent each month to my legal people who then informed her that the the money was being paid as promised but there was an on going issue with access and a parental responsibility form that still needed signing and would she like to sort it sharpish.

Her legal then said I wasn't allowed to withhold monies and I would be taken to court, no probs I replied as she knows full well the money is being paid each month, every month, and I am not withholding it, bring it on ..

We never went to court, the forms were signed, the money handed over and a private arrangement set up.

6 yrs on, total unlimited access, school reports, hospital appointments, everything a dad should get, I get.. me n the ex even chat !!

Did I whore myself out by buying access rights to my daughter, too damn right I did, worth every penny.

alferret · 18-08-2010, 18:29

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wayfair

Did I whore myself out by buying access rights to my daughter, too damn right I did, worth every penny.

You do what you have to do mate.

[rant]
My situation was she came home from an "office party" at 2am I made a sarky remark & she kicked me out at 7am the next morning. Obviously it was more than an office party. Anyhoo I had access to the kids, I used to pick them up after work & take them back to her at around 7pm, access at weekends & when it suited her then she went all mardy because a cheque I put in the post didnt arrive on the day it supposed to have, she stopped me seeing them from that point, 3-4 months later she said we need to meet up to sort out about the kids which I did & when she found (I told her) out that I had moved on, that was when she went mental and all access to the kids stopped, she was no longer happy taking a cheque off of me, contacted the CSA so now my deductions are at source, lied through her teeth trying to split up the mrs & me, so on and so forth. It has got to a stage where I miss my kids immensly but its far easier to have no contact than to have that waste of space making my life as difficult as possible for me to see the kids, if she were to be on fire I wouldnt urinate on her, I would stand and watch, she isnt fit to be called a human being because she has no humanity.

[/rant]

One good thing though I have hard copy of every single email she even sent me with her dilusional rants on so when the kids are old enough and they want to find me I will be there for them to be found and if they want to know the full in's and out's then they will have a good read.

**Maggy J** · 18-08-2010, 20:40

The trouble is that in getting back at an ex in this way the people who get hurt and damaged the most are the children.

**Hugh** · 18-08-2010, 20:44

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maggy J

The trouble is that in getting back at an ex in this way the people who get hurt and damaged the most are the children.

Yup - my first marriage split up due to my wife's behaviour, and I lost my house, my career, and my kids; I have never said this to the (no longer) children, as it would have damaged them more than my ex-wife. I (after nearly 30 years) am no longer bitter, but I was for a very long time, but would not show that bitterness in front of the (then) children.