Hi Sox,
Sorry to hear about your recent RA diagnosis, but with the right combination of medication it does make it a hell of a lot easier, thing is sometimes it takes a few different meds to see what works best for you.
There's a number of gadgets and things you can get to help with gripping things, and opening jars etc. If you're under a rheumatologist ask them if they can let you see the occupational therapist (OT) as they help with items like long handled shoe horns, things to help with socks/tights and another one for buttons.
I can understand you not wanting anyone else to care for your mum, and again the OT might be able to help. It might also be worth you calling the NRAS helpline for some advice, as we have some members who have RA and are carers themselves.
You can find the NRAS site at
http://www.rheumatoid.org.uk/
And the helpline number is 0800 298 7650
From there you could also probably arrange for one of the volunteers in a similar situation to yourself to give you a call and offer some advice from someone who understands you can also get in touch with the Support Network by calling NRAS on 0845 458 3969
I did a few articles on things that you can do to help with painful hands, I'll dig it out and post it here.
But don't feel alone or isolated with RA, there's lots of wonderful folks out there who can help
Hope this helps, and I hope the creaky joints behave.
Best wishes
Jo.
EDIT: NRAS also have a number of publications that are very useful. some are available as PDF's from here
http://www.rheumatoid.org.uk/index.php?page_id=30
If the booklet isn't available for download give them a call with the booklets you're interested in and they will send them out, the new Managing Well: living with rheumatoid arthritis is a very good one.