Miserable old so and so or do I see my GP?

sssshhhh · 13-08-2007, 13:06

Having read AndrewJ's post earlier has led me again to ponder my own issues and question that has gone unanswered in my head for a long time. Do I have a condition or am I just different? I have felt that I was 'different' for many years. The main problem I seem to have is my lack of emotional connection with people (partners have frequently brought this up in the departing converations before a split - usually 'you're holding something back from me' - I still don't get it)

I have various behaviour traits which don't seem to be in line with all the other people I know in my life. Reading them below paints me to be an absolute nightmare, but in reality I'm very well liked and popular, have been since school, if I am seen as being a bit odd sometimes. I have an excellent group of friends, who all just put it down as me being different. It's just me. I'm doing really well in work, and am about to study for a degree.

I also have good relationships with my family in the sense that I see them a lot. I had a fantastic upbringing in a stable environment. But my total indifference to things like family occasions and birthdays etc does seem to get my mother down. And if I don't keep in touch with friends and family for a while, or dont return phone calls that can get me in bother too. At the end of the day i just don't do it. I don't deem it important at the time. Then I can see logically afterwards why I should. But emotionally I seem to be cut off.

The older I am getting, the more aware I am of these traits. I have tried to become more aware of the way I behave, in order to see if I can improve, if only to keep the people around me happy, and have spent most of my late teens/twenties on doing this, but it doesn't seem to do me any good.

An example of some of these traits are:

-I cannot hold a one on one conversation with people I don't know very well, let alone start one.
-I find it very difficult to maintain eye contact with people.
-Even with people I do know very well, unless I am talking about something I have knowledge of I'll completely switch off. I mean totally.
-If I am in a group situation and I am left with just one other person I am unable to maintain any part of the conversation (as in a group I let others do the talking, i've usually completely wandered off)
-I struggle showing empathy towards other people. I can see logically why someone would be upset at the death of a relative, but cannot feel any emotional need to console them, or indeed even offer much consolation. It's not that I am heartless, I just don't and can't do it.
-I'm told i've a rubbish sense of humour. I just don't find things as funny, if at all funny as everyone around me. I will very occasionally chuckle but laugh out loud moments are very few and far between in my life. And the things other people laugh about absolutely puzzle me as to why they would be funny.
-I often interrupt conversations, and will talk incessantly about what ever is on my mind with a total disregard for the others in the conversation. Again, Its not because I am rude, but because what ever is on my mind just comes out, regardless. I am often embarressed about this one, as I see the reactions of people when I have finished talking about something totally unrelated to what they were discussing. I'll even walk in from another room and do it.
-If I have discovered something eg in work/on tv/a person that intrests me it will dominate my thoughts, and will be all I talk about for days on end.
-I'm an extremely logical thinker and in work especially, require end to end processes for everything I do. Everything has to be done correctly and I hate bending the rules, or relaxing regulations. It either is or it isn't.
-I suffer from mild bouts of anxiety, depression and mood swings from nowhere.
-If someone lets me down ie a friend or relative, then I take it very hard. Although I usually always the apology, it stays with me for a long long time.
-i've a rubbish attention span, unless i'm involved in something I'm into at that time.
-finally a good one - I have an amazing memory capacity, especially for figures and codes etc, often seeing patterns in things. I also seem to have a fantastic grasp of the bigger picture and logic in the way I think. These things combined have allowed me to excell and be recognised in work (which helps with the down side of continually interrupting my manager and generally ****ing people off with my 'supposed' aloof nature)

So am I just a spiteful miserbale old so and so, or do you think I have grounds to talk to my GP (he's not been very helpful/understanding when I've seen him in the past about trivial complaints). I'm relatively happy in general, appart from the fact that I don't feel I can totally connect with anyone in my life at the moment.

Chris W · 13-08-2007, 13:16

The symptoms you describe sound a bit like Asperger's syndrome, but normally sufferers are unaware of their behaviour, so i would think that is unlikely.

Personally, I don't bother visiting the doctor unless i actually fear death so i can't advise on that front.

mrmistoffelees · 13-08-2007, 13:18

An example of some of these traits are:

-I cannot hold a one on one conversation with people I don't know very well, let alone start one.
-I find it very difficult to maintain eye contact with people.
-Even with people I do know very well, unless I am talking about something I have knowledge of I'll completely switch off. I mean totally.
-If I am in a group situation and I am left with just one other person I am unable to maintain any part of the conversation (as in a group I let others do the talking, i've usually completely wandered off)
-I struggle showing empathy towards other people. I can see logically why someone would be upset at the death of a relative, but cannot feel any emotional need to console them, or indeed even offer much consolation. It's not that I am heartless, I just don't and can't do it.
-I'm told i've a rubbish sense of humour. I just don't find things as funny, if at all funny as everyone around me. I will very occasionally chuckle but laugh out loud moments are very few and far between in my life. And the things other people laugh about absolutely puzzle me as to why they would be funny.
-I often interrupt conversations, and will talk incessantly about what ever is on my mind with a total disregard for the others in the conversation. Again, Its not because I am rude, but because what ever is on my mind just comes out, regardless. I am often embarressed about this one, as I see the reactions of people when I have finished talking about something totally unrelated to what they were discussing. I'll even walk in from another room and do it.
-If I have discovered something eg in work/on tv/a person that intrests me it will dominate my thoughts, and will be all I talk about for days on end.
-I'm an extremely logical thinker and in work especially, require end to end processes for everything I do. Everything has to be done correctly and I hate bending the rules, or relaxing regulations. It either is or it isn't.
-I suffer from mild bouts of anxiety, depression and mood swings from nowhere.
-If someone lets me down ie a friend or relative, then I take it very hard. Although I usually always the apology, it stays with me for a long long time.
-i've a rubbish attention span, unless i'm involved in something I'm into at that time.
-finally a good one - I have an amazing memory capacity, especially for figures and codes etc, often seeing patterns in things. I also seem to have a fantastic grasp of the bigger picture and logic in the way I think. These things combined have allowed me to excell and be recognised in work (which helps with the down side of continually interrupting my manager and generally ****ing people off with my 'supposed' aloof nature)

Describes me down to the ground that does

**Chris** · 13-08-2007, 13:18

I'd add considering a bunch of total strangers on a website as a good place to get advice on your emotional life to that list of symptoms.

Seriously though, I suspect were you a young boy today, they would probably have an ed psych assessing you and considering an autistic spectrum condition - not to say you have one, mind, it is just that it's deeply fashionable at the moment.

It's possible that you have a dash of Asperger's Syndrome, which is a comparitively mild autistic spectrum condition, but then don't take my word for it, I'm in no way expert - except that I recognise more than a little of myself in your 'symptoms', and I've wondered about myself on occasion (as has my missus, who is given to calling me 'autistic boy' when I react in certain ways in certain situations).

The thing is, you are the way you are, and whether you have a nameable condition or not, you will always be who you are. Address it by considering it logically, as that's what you're good at anyway. Make yourself a list of embarrassing situations you believe you have caused and train yourself to try to spot them. Think about the attitudes and demeanours of other people in certain situations and actively try to develop a skill for spotting them. It is a lack of innate ability to 'read' social situations, and to instinctively respond in the required manner, which seems to be at the heart of your 'problem', but that doesn't mean you can't train yourself to spot and act appropriately. You may feel as if you are acting in a false or insincere way at times as a result, but think about it logically - you see the situation, you act the way that is helpful for others, they are grateful, everyone's happy. Job done.

Sorry, this is grossly oversimplified, but I hope it gives you food for thought.

sssshhhh · 13-08-2007, 13:32

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris W

The symptoms you describe sound a bit like Asperger's syndrome, but normally sufferers are unaware of their behaviour, so i would think that is unlikely.

Personally, I don't bother visiting the doctor unless i actually fear death so i can't advise on that front.

I'm exactly the same. Hate going to the quacks. think I've been twice in ten years lol.

I'm not really bothered about most of these things, but I do worry about the depression and the mood swings which have become more frequent of late. Maybe I should just put it down to a bad patch as I usually do and get on with it.

Maybe a lot of my social down falls are from low self esteem? Or I get stressed very easily. Either way I would like to know if anyone has tips/advice so I could work on things? I just wondered if anyone else felt like this at times?

---------- Post added at 13:32 ---------- Previous post was at 13:26 ----------

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris T

I'd add considering a bunch of total strangers on a website as a good place to get advice on your emotional life to that list of symptoms.

Seriously though, I suspect were you a young boy today, they would........

Sorry, this is grossly oversimplified, but I hope it gives you food for thought.

Having read much of the advice by the total group of strangers on here on other topics, I think you're a pretty balanced, friendly and well educated bunch

Thanks for the post. It has somewhat put my mind to rest. Its ok to be weird, yay

But seriously you're talking the sense I've always thought. It's just recently I've been in so many embarressing situations I've been thinking about it a lot (too much obviously)

BTW change young boy to young girl

mrmistoffelees · 13-08-2007, 13:35

I know this sounds odd, but I use St Johns Wort to keep me on an even keel so to speak. Wether or not it has any benefits are open to debate, however I feel it certainly helps me.

I have the same self esteem issues as well and also the stress levels. I try and get to bed early not drink to much Coffee after lunch (unless im on a late or night shift) The swings are not good as one minute you're as high as a kite and then the next you are incredibly low over the smallest things

danielf · 13-08-2007, 13:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by sssshhhh

<snip>

BTW change young boy to young girl

I was going to say that you sound like your average male Computer Science Student, but I think I'll let that pass.

**Chris** · 13-08-2007, 13:38

Ooops! My apologies mademoiselle.

If it's any comfort, autistic spectrum conditions are far less common in women than in men. But as I said, whether you have a condition or not, awareness of the way you are is a very positive step fowards, and developing yourself some coping strategies could be a good way to follow that up.

sssshhhh · 13-08-2007, 13:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by danielf

I was going to say that you sound like your average male Computer Science Student, but I think I'll let that pass.

Maybe I should head off to PC world on friday night instead of the local. See if I get anywhere

mrmistoffelees · 13-08-2007, 13:40

It has to be said, standing in a darkened room with eyes looking like they have lit by the fires of hades whist muttering kill them all is not one of the coping stratergies that I would advocate

On a serious note, loads and loads of fresh fruit and veg, loads of exercise, if you find yourself feeling down then do something you actively enjoy

sssshhhh · 13-08-2007, 13:42

Guys your responses have been awesome, thanks for the advice. And thanks for putting up with a neurotic woman for the last 20 mins ;-)

Thanks for the tip MrMistoff, I'll certainly try that out.

Damien · 13-08-2007, 13:46

I would not worry about it, unless it really makes your life that much more difficult. I think when they are looking at these things they require a lot of evidence and also evidence that it impacts upon your life. They require this because its presumed that everyone has a few traits that would be considered autistic, and it becomes simply a matter of scale. Once you reach above a certain level when they start looking into it. Thats how I understand it anyway, it seems to be one of those conditions that has a million symptoms all of which are usually normal and common anyway.

Again, A lot of people will have similar issues as you. They are symptoms of other things such as being shy. I have similar stuff as you with regard to become fixated on something that interests me and switching off if someone is talking about something that does not.

Remember that there is no such thing as normal and everyone has something weird or different.

See a doctor if your worried though, remember that they are the experts

Taf · 13-08-2007, 15:42

You fit the Aspergers model... my lad has it, but there is no real treatment for it so seeing the doc won't help... unless you're in school in which case you will get a Statement of Special Edudational Needs...

Matth · 13-08-2007, 22:28

I'd say you could measure a considerable chunk of Asperger tendencies in most techies, maybe it goes with the territory.

Technology is logical, though sometimes it may not seems so, and a lot easier to handle than illogical people.

Make it a date at PCW, it'd be the only date I'll ever get (now I tell my one joke).
I tried computer dating, but I wasn't compatible.

AntiSilence · 13-08-2007, 22:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrmistoffelees

Describes me down to the ground that does

Yep, pretty similar here too lol