I dont know what to do

Central · 16-02-2007, 09:33

I don't know what to do here.

I have a partner and a 6 month old son. I am not feeling happy at all in the relationship. My partner never helps me in the house with housework. I have to ask I normally get huffs and puffs when I do so.

Ever since we have got this house she has been lazy. She hardly ever has a bath or shower now. Sits on the PC most of the night. Plus she never wants to ring up anywhere. Like we needed a copy of her last 3 wage slips and I had to ring up her payroll as she pulled a face about it.

I was training at work the other day and forgot my training book. I asked if she would go back to the house and pick it up for me as we had both gone up the road. She said ok but when she returned she was in a foul mood with me. And in front of all my work colleagues to. She will also sometimes wakes up and start snapping at me and when I ask whats wrong she simply says I feel like being in a mood.

Its really starting to get me down now. We have had words in the past and she promises to change but never does. Its always a change of like 2 weeks then its back to her normal self.

I have feelings for my ex still who was my first true love and I feel I can never love my partner in the same way I love my ex.

But since I got this house would I get help with rent and Council Tax being a single occupant. I am hoping to keep my son here and let her have access as I feel she cant look after herself yet let alone a child to. So if that was the case I would be a Single parent.

Any advice would be great.

Thanks

**Stephen** · 16-02-2007, 09:40

Best thing I can suggest is talk to your partner.

Strangers on a forum might not be the best place to go for relationship advice.

Central · 16-02-2007, 09:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarthYoda

Best thing I can suggest is talk to your partner.

Strangers on a forum might not be the best place to go for relationship advice.

I have spoke to her a number of times and nothing ever changes. I dont feel anything will even change. This is how she is and I am not happy at all

**Stuart C** · 16-02-2007, 09:44

Have you tried Relate (the old Marriage Guidance Council)?

Central · 16-02-2007, 09:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stuart C

Have you tried Relate (the old Marriage Guidance Council)?

Does it matter that we are not married.

smicer07 · 16-02-2007, 09:59

Sounds to me that she may be seeing someone else, or want to do so. I'm only basing that on what happened to me, as my ex's behaviour was similar to yours before our relationship ended. Maybe she's had her head turned and that's why she's in such a mood with you. Only guessing though mate, could be nothing of the sort.

**Stuart C** · 16-02-2007, 10:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by Be*

Does it matter that we are not married.

As far as I know, it doesn't.

---------- Post added at 10:04 ---------- Previous post was at 10:00 ----------

Quote:

Originally Posted by Be*

Does it matter that we are not married.

Just checked their site and they don't mention any need to be married. The site also gives some advice on relationships, as well as how to arrange consultations.

Tinky · 16-02-2007, 10:07

It is possible she senses you don't love her as much as your ex, and her hurt makes her take it out on you. Relate deals with relationship problems, here is the link, hope it helps and that you can resolve your problems

http://www.relate.org.uk/

Marge · 16-02-2007, 10:08

One thing that jumped out at me as I started reading is the possibility that your partner may have Post Natal Depression. From experience I know how much it can affect someone's actions, thoughts and behaviour.

Please take the time to talk to your partner, ask her how she really feels and maybe see if you can have a talk with your health visitor before you go down any of the routes you talked about.

orangebird · 16-02-2007, 10:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by Debbie B

One thing that jumped out at me as I started reading is the possibility that your partner may have Post Natal Depression. From experience I know how much it can affect someone's actions, thoughts and behaviour.

Please take the time to talk to your partner, ask her how she really feels and maybe see if you can have a talk with your health visitor before you go down any of the routes you talked about.

Exactly my thoughts Debs. Can't believe it took 8 replies to suggest it! That needs to be dealt with.

Although, Be*, if you're not sure of your feelings for her, then that needs to be sorted too. Are you unsure of your feelings because of her moodswings, or would you still feel the same if she was the happiest lady in the world?

bopdude · 16-02-2007, 10:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by Debbie B

One thing that jumped out at me as I started reading is the possibility that your partner may have Post Natal Depression.

Thats exactly what I thought, having been on the receiving end from my wife ( at the time ) after the birth of our second child, the stories are almost the same, as has been said, talk to her, ask how she would feel about talking to someone, also, I'm picking up that you seem to have resigned yourself to the fact that it's over, making plans already for a single life, that can't be helping things IMHO, not wanting to point finger or blame anyone, best thing is probably talking too her and your Dr.

Hope all ends well.

Central · 16-02-2007, 10:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by orangebird

Exactly my thoughts Debs. Can't believe it took 8 replies to suggest it! That needs to be dealt with.

Although, Be*, if you're not sure of your feelings for her, then that needs to be sorted too. Are you unsure of your feelings because of her moodswings, or would you still feel the same if she was the happiest lady in the world?

If she was happy and we did things together like we should. I would be the happiest man in the world. Its just the mood swings for no reason that gets me down.

orangebird · 16-02-2007, 10:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by Be*

If she was happy and we did things together like we should. I would be the happiest man in the world. Its just the mood swings for no reason that gets me down.

Then you need to approach her about the possibility of PND. It'll be hard work, but it really does sound as though that's her problem..Do you still have health visitor visits for the baby? That might be a good starting point to talk to them about it? Good luck

danielf · 16-02-2007, 10:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by Debbie B

One thing that jumped out at me as I started reading is the possibility that your partner may have Post Natal Depression. From experience I know how much it can affect someone's actions, thoughts and behaviour.

Please take the time to talk to your partner, ask her how she really feels and maybe see if you can have a talk with your health visitor before you go down any of the routes you talked about.

I thought he was seeing my ex, but I think this is more likely

Marge · 16-02-2007, 10:23

Please understand that PND is an illness and that she may not realise she has it. Your partner is full of hormones and they sometimes they can make her do things she would never normally consider.

I'm not sure how much you feel the relationship has run it's course but if you feel it's worth hanging on for, then please read the advice given and give it some consideration. Your partner may be feeling extremely down so a gentle gentle approach with kid gloves is needed, don't go in and confront her or make her feel even worse. Good luck with everything