Something to make you smile

Subject:Tech Support Request
>>>
>>>
>>>Dear Tech Support:
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
>>>distinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the Flower
>>>and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
>>>
>>>
>>>In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as
>>>Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable
>>>programs such as: Football 5.0, Rugby 4.3 and Cricket 3.0.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>Conversation 8.0 no longer runs; it simply crashes the system. I've tried
>>>running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do?
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>Signed,
>>>
>>>
>>>Desperate
>>>
>>>
>>>------------------
>>>
>>>
>>>Dear Desperate:
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
>>>Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try entering the command:
>>>
>>>
>>>C:/I-THOUGHT-YOU-LOVED-ME to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically
>>>install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0
>>>should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers
>>>3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0
>>>to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.
>>>
>>>
>>>WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring Loudly.
>>>
>>>
>>>CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law. This is not a
>>>supported application and will crash Husband 1.0.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory
>>>and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying
>>>additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally
>>>recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>Good Luck,Tech Support
>>>
>>>
>>>------------------
>>>
>>>
>>>Dear Technical Support,
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I
>>>had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently
>>>conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and
>>>run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.
>>>
>>>
>>>To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other
>>>applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.
>>>Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a
>>>virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.
>>>
>>>Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same
>>>time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they
>>>caused severe damage to my hardware.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product
>>>soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0
>>>
>>>tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with
>>>FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2005.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very
>>>unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored
>>>in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then >resurfaced months
>>>later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic
>>>Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch
>>>TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and
>>>I have to try to guess what the problem is.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring
>>>ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to
>>>be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my
>>>Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes.
>>>
>>>
>>>Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which
>>>can't be turned off.
>>>
>>>Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2005, but there could be
>>>problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0
>>>detects Mistress 2005, it tends to delete all of your Money before
>>>uninstalling itself.
>>

[dd2k]

an old one but still makes me chuckle every time

[superbiatch]

Classic