Loneliness

greencreeper · 08-11-2006, 22:45

I caught the last minute or two of a programme on Radio 3. It seemed to be about loneliness in a modern age. So...

Can you be alone and not lonely because you have online friends - perhaps on forums such as this? Are you in this position at the moment - your friends being of the virtual sort? Do you envisage a world where people interact less in the real world and more in cyber space? Is loneliness a bad thing, or bad only in excess?

kronas · 08-11-2006, 23:07

Quote:

Originally Posted by greencreeper

Can you be alone and not lonely because you have online friends - perhaps on forums such as this? Are you in this position at the moment - your friends being of the virtual sort? Do you envisage a world where people interact less in the real world and more in cyber space? Is loneliness a bad thing, or bad only in excess?

yes, i dont have any freinds.....at all.

**Maggy J** · 08-11-2006, 23:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by kronas

yes, i dont have any freinds.....at all.

But you have a ripe fantasy life if the Britney Spears thread is anything to go by...

I have to say I have aquaintances rather then friends but I put that down to the fact that I was always being dragged somewhere around the world as a child and thus never got into the habit of long term continuing friendships.The last good friend I had left the town without telling me and I got informed through the grapevine..Tends to leave one not bothering with a bosom buddy.Especially as she seemed to get between me and other friendships I might have made.Also changing circumstances get in the way..When I was at home with my children I used to meet people through my children.Now my children are grown and most of my friends are those in work or whom are friends of my husband and me.When I stop work I suppose I will just have to make new friends by joining a club or two.Mind that thought appals.An old people's ghetto...

greencreeper · 08-11-2006, 23:26

Note - this isn't group therapy. You don't all have to sit there looking at the ground. Feel free to discuss. Sigh. I try to raise the intellectual level and what happens.

So, Kronas, you socialise largely in the cyber world - your friends are all online?

Coggy! You've brought in old age and loneliness - perhaps computers can help with that? The silver surfer thing. I must admit - the thought of bingo on a Thursday night, with a lot of people who smell of wee, isn't my idea of a good time. Something to look forward to though

I am lonely. I have the one mate - good, long-term friend. I do tend to have just one or two friends - I'm not very good at making or keeping them. There are more people I've known than still know. I just don't have anyone who has an interest in the same things as I do, such as the theatre. I tend to end up going places with my mum - it's very Chip in the Sugar. I also have no partner - or even anyone that I have, er, sexual relations with. Not for years now. So I suppose I'm saying that there are different sorts of loneliness - and I have most of them.

kronas · 08-11-2006, 23:33

Quote:

Originally Posted by greencreeper

So, Kronas, you socialise largely in the cyber world - your friends are all online?

largely yes, i dont have any freinds as previously stated.

---------- Post added at 23:33 ---------- Previous post was at 23:32 ----------

Quote:

Originally Posted by Incognitas

But you have a ripe fantasy life if the Britney Spears thread is anything to go by...

nothing wrong with a bit of fantasy, aslong as you dont replace it with reality ofcourse!

greencreeper · 08-11-2006, 23:33

You are allowed to ramble at will about the questions I've raised

**Damien** · 08-11-2006, 23:40

Quote:

Originally Posted by Incognitas

But you have a ripe fantasy life if the Britney Spears thread is anything to go by...

I have to say I have aquaintances rather then friends but I put that down to the fact that I was always being dragged somewhere around the world as a child and thus never got into the habit of long term continuing friendships.The last good friend I had left the town without telling me and I got informed through the grapevine..Tends to leave one not bothering with a bosom buddy.Especially as she seemed to get between me and other friendships I might have made.Also changing circumstances get in the way..When I was at home with my children I used to meet people through my children.Now my children are grown and most of my friends are those in work or whom are friends of my husband and me.When I stop work I suppose I will just have to make new friends by joining a club or two.Mind that thought appals.An old people's ghetto...

Although you do have a family, I think once that happens and you have a good relationship within that family then its natual to have less time, and willingness, to make a lot of friends and maintain existing ones. You properly make a few kinda-friends and keep one or two.

Most of the time in schools friendships are formed out of a kind of need. Your stuck in a class so you make friends. A lot of time once school ends you dont see those friends much or at all after a while. Same properly goes with parents of your kids school friends I guess.....

**Graham M** · 08-11-2006, 23:41

Im never lonely, I have far too many people (quite a number I count as friends) on the Internet to talk to

kronas · 08-11-2006, 23:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by greencreeper

You are allowed to ramble at will about the questions I've raised

no problem then here we go....

everyone out there who i have met (around my area) have their own ways of living which are their routines, sometimes we get in to a transition phase with new oppertuntites and horizons, but we leave people behind, others seem to have no time for you, yet when they need you they come running, indeed its why being independent is lot more fun, you get to relax, unwind, get to do what you want to do, get political (without the abuse) and make and think your own judgements about every day aspects of life.

everybody is out for themselves it would seem, selfishness, greed, is standard policy, there truely are very few people who are caring, attentive, will listen, be subjective, want to have fun without an agenda.

sometimes you get individuals who think they are better than you once they have gained things, cars, money, employment, all of sudden everyone is busy....

the problem with me is i get 'too involved' in freindships, im very 'old school' i like to keep regular contact, meet up, enjoy various subjectual banter and have a good night out, minus the alcohol, there are many things i would do if i had the people to do it with, but if its not meant to be then you have to move on yourself, concentrate on yourself for once.

when it comes to helping people i jump at the chance in anyway i can, unfortunately most of the time i dont get a thanks, acknowledgment, or sincerity at all, i have manners (nobody say anything

)

*waits for the scathing criticism

greencreeper · 08-11-2006, 23:54

It does seem that different people have different definitions of what a friend is. Coggy speaks of "friends" and "acquaintances". I find it hard to do this - I'm just open and honest with people that I should be more guarded with, because I feel the need to be liked for being me, and not some snap-shot of me or misrepresentation. I think this why I have so few friends and find it hard to make them. The cyber world does give me the opportunity to pause and think - I can edit what I say. Indeed, this is why Alan Bennett doesn't like interviews and prefers writing.

As for selfishness. If you look at teams and teamwork, I think it's largely all twaddle. The best teams are those where each individual is a stakeholder in the goal - i.e. they have something to lose and/or gain. This motivates them but only for selfish reasons - what's in it for them, not the team. I suspect that the Good Samaritan helped because he enjoyed the feeling of being superior - that someone was dependant on him.

kronas · 09-11-2006, 00:10

my family trait is to help people when requested, but its not worth it anymore, seriously, i dont want a medal, im not bothered about money, its about showing gratitude, being freindly, and most of all being human but im too soft.

i said to myself this:

" your living in the wrong era its mostly selfishness, hypocrisy, greed, self centeredness, dishonesty the me me me matters for alot, seemingly the world owes some people"

but you dont live in the right era of being nice, kind, helpful, humanistic, togetherness, sharing happiness and information to be of benefit to others...

alot more...... its even happening with families...

**Maggy J** · 09-11-2006, 01:01

I like my own company..I always have.I can always find something I want to do.If someone tags along then I get less chance to do what I want.Get another tagging along...and then you do what everyone else wants to do.Which is why I take trips to London on my own.That way I can go see art galleries without being rushed through by someone who doesn't want to be there.Even as a child I spent hours alone.But then I was a budding entymologist upending rocks and paving stones in my quests.

As long as I have a book,a drawing pad and now my PC I can amuse myself doing something creative.

I know it seems like I'm here all the time..But I'm not really.I'm usually dipping in while I working on something creative and I'm doing some resource finding or downloading or rendering and waiting for it to finish..or I'm waiting for part of a meal to finish cooking or the kitchen floor to dry etc.It's like you lot are in my workplace and so I chat to you while I'm waiting.

09-11-2006, 08:22

I am lonely...
I feel that being alone is something im destined to be. I hate it however I find it hard to live with someone to as ive spent most of my life on my own.
I have very low self confidence and I am a very insecure person which makes life very difficult when it comes to meeting new people.
I have a small circle of friends who I trust with my life and a load of aquantences that basically spend money when they visit lol .
But every night I go to bed alone and this has been the case for about 18 years of the 21 i been left home.
Well look at my activity on this site and that will answer the question about online friends without them I would be lost nowadays....

Ramrod · 09-11-2006, 08:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by greencreeper

Is loneliness a bad thing, or bad only in excess?

Depends entirely on the person.......

Tinky · 09-11-2006, 08:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by zinglebarb

I am lonely...
I feel that being alone is something im destined to be. I hate it however I find it hard to live with someone to as ive spent most of my life on my own.
I have very low self confidence and I am a very insecure person which makes life very difficult when it comes to meeting new people.
I have a small circle of friends who I trust with my life and a load of aquantences that basically spend money when they visit lol .
But every night I go to bed alone and this has been the case for about 18 years of the 21 i been left home.
Well look at my activity on this site and that will answer the question about online friends without them I would be lost nowadays....

Zing that is so sad...sniff

I could count the number of my real friends on my left hand. These are people who I can trust and are there for me should the need arise, and I share my good times and bad with and vice versa.( The ones that tell you your butt looks too big in that frock for instance). I also have many other friends who I socialise with, but wouldn't invite back to my house. Then there are aquaintances, people I know and speak to, but would neither socialise with nor bring back to the house. I guess it depends on your deffinition of friends. But it's very sad not to have any at all.