Bullying

LemonyBrainAid · 10-10-2006, 18:32

Hey again guys...

As you can probrably tell from the title, I'm being bullied. I've been bullied in the past by some complete pr*cks but this time it's by some different people - and in a different fashion, I guess.

There are two/three guys that are just generally being complete and utter pr*cks - they've been verbally abusing me, calling me "fat", and other insults in the same fashion - but verbal abuse is the least of it... They have been leaving comments on my bebo
also... I've notified bebo as this is bullying and intimidation and I'd like these comments deleted from my profile... But again, this isn't the whole of it.

One of the guys has apologised (done the right thing...) and has pretty much stopped now, is keeping quiet when the others have continued insulting. This guy was in school yesterday, but the other wasn't.

Today, this guy who wasn't in yesterday was in today. I was sitting quite nicely eating lunch at the lunch table with my friends (majority are girls) when he comes and shouts "What the **** are you sitting here for?"...

He then later in the playground shouts many insults at me for the remainder of the lunch period...

As some of you guys may know, I'm trying to lose some weight and gain some muscle... So I'm visiting our gym after school each day (mon, tues, weds) For some reason (I'm guessing intimidation, etc) they followed me and entered the fitness suite today. I ignored everything they had said and did not react whatsoever. When getting changed I put all of my clothes back into my bags and took them down to the gym with me as I didn't trust all of my clothes and stuff with them, only for them to come about 20 seconds later to find me walking down the stairs - they then tried to spit on me.

I entered the gym and began with my training and other things - The insults came and went once again...

They've threatened to "beat me up" and I've said to them that if they really want to, they can. I'm not going to fight back for the simple reason that I'm going to take the adult route this time and get back at them without violence.

As far as I can see there are three options available to me...

1 - Tell my head of year about all of this
2 - Tell the police about all of this (yes, this is a crime if i'm not wrong)
3 - Tell his parents.

I really can't choose and I know I'll get a nice non-bias opinion here, so please... tell me which one?

Thanks,
Dan

**Rob** · 10-10-2006, 18:39

There are no easy answers. Bullying has been going on for years and years, but schools are supposed to be taking a tough stance on it. I'd suggest the first route is to make a complaint to the school. They are supposed to be looking after everyone's welfare, and it is happenning on the premises. Unfortunately many don't so you need to be careful that whatever complaint you might make doesn't antagonise things.

The trouble with running off to tell is that can excacerbate matters as the bullies get creative, do it off premises and the like. Being adult about it is one thing, trying to stand your ground and be firm, being positive, rather than aggressive is another.

TheDaddy · 10-10-2006, 18:40

If you know a copper that will take it seriously enough to have a word and put the fear in him then do it, otherwise the head of year is your best option, whatever you decide to do, doing nothing isn't an option

Good luck with it

LemonyBrainAid · 10-10-2006, 18:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rob C

There are no easy answers. Bullying has been going on for years and years, but schools are supposed to be taking a tough stance on it. I'd suggest the first route is to make a complaint to the school. They are supposed to be looking after everyone's welfare, and it is happenning on the premises. Unfortunately many don't so you need to be careful that whatever complaint you might make doesn't antagonise things.

The trouble with running off to tell is that can excacerbate matters as the bullies get creative, do it off premises and the like. Being adult about it is one thing, trying to stand your ground and be firm, being positive, rather than aggressive is another.

I can understand what you're saying Rob - I've tried to stand my ground, I've told them to stop... I've had my friends tell them to stop - so what else am I supposed to do?

I refuse to "fight" them... I'm not going to have a fight in which someone can get seriously hurt for no apparent reason -...

I've spoken to them, asking me why they hate me so "immensly" and the only reason they have is that they do it for a laugh... Not funny IMO

TheDaddy · 10-10-2006, 18:45

Quote:

Originally Posted by LemonyBrainAid

I've spoken to them, asking me why they hate me so "immensly" and the only reason they have is that they do it for a laugh... Not funny IMO

They do it because they know that they will get away with it, violence isn't the answer but as I said earlier neither is doing nothing

greencreeper · 10-10-2006, 18:45

Leave. Wait until your eighteen and get a decent education at college.

LemonyBrainAid · 10-10-2006, 18:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by greencreeper

Leave. Wait until your eighteen and get a decent education at college.

Last time I checked, I couldn't leave school at 14. Not only have I not done my GCSEs but I'm not going to leave my education for some c**ks who think bullying an overweight boy is funny..

**Rob** · 10-10-2006, 18:48

Yep I agree that a punch up should not be the answer. Only you know how bad the situation is. Bullying is harrasment, which can take many forms physical and verbal. If the offenders know or should know they are causing distress then they are commiting an offence. On those grounds you have a clear case to complain to the school and require them to be more proactive (they could currently claim they haven't seen or heard anything so weren't under an impression there was anything wrong). If the school shows disinterest you could escalate to the police - maybe there is a schools liason officer or neighbourhood team you could approach?

LemonyBrainAid · 10-10-2006, 18:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rob C

Yep I agree that a punch up should not be the answer. Only you know how bad the situation is. Bullying is harrasment, which can take many forms physical and verbal. If the offenders know or should know they are causing distress then they are commiting an offence. On those grounds you have a clear case to complain to the school and require them to be more proactive (they could currently claim they haven't seen or heard anything so weren't under an impression there was anything wrong). If the school shows disinterest you could escalate to the police - maybe there is a schools liason officer or neighbourhood team you could approach?

We have the odd Police surgery around, something like every two months. We also have community support officers around too some days... Not sure.

Bex · 10-10-2006, 19:19

when i was bullied at school, i spoke to a teacher i trusted, whom dealt with my head of year etc for me and the situation was resolved. is there a teacher whom you trust and can confide in?
are the kids in the same year as you?

budwieser · 10-10-2006, 19:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by LemonyBrainAid

I can understand what you're saying Rob - I've tried to stand my ground, I've told them to stop... I've had my friends tell them to stop - so what else am I supposed to do?

I refuse to "fight" them... I'm not going to have a fight in which someone can get seriously hurt for no apparent reason -...

I've spoken to them, asking me why they hate me so "immensly" and the only reason they have is that they do it for a laugh... Not funny IMO

Don`t refuse to fight them........... Pick the Biggest ,Mouthiest one of them and smack him as Hard as you can in the mouth.
I Guarentee that they will leave you alone after that.
People only pick on the people that won`t fight back because, they are so weak themselves.

I know that i`ll get some flack for this but it worked for me. Now i don`t get any trouble because i`m 6`2" tall and 15 stone.

foreverwar · 10-10-2006, 20:00

Talk to a teacher you can trust, and ask them how you should approach the Head of Year - then approach your Head of Year. All schools should have an anti-bullying procedure, but can't do anything unless they know about it.

Have you discussed it with your parent(s)/carer(s)?

Good luck - doing nothing is not an alternative.

**Maggy J** · 10-10-2006, 20:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by LemonyBrainAid

Last time I checked, I couldn't leave school at 14. Not only have I not done my GCSEs but I'm not going to leave my education for some c**ks who think bullying an overweight boy is funny..

What year are they Lemony?If they are older tell THEIR head of year as well as your own HOY.If they are older I suspect that they are bigger than you because I doubt you have reached anything like your adult hieght as yet.You should start to shoot up at the end of year 9 and continue into yr10.If they are the same year as you then they have no idea what's in store for them when EVERYONE catches up height wise.

I say this because quite often that period at the end of yr9 and beginning of yr 10 A lot of long term bullies find their wings clipped because their victims suddenly shoot up and develop muscles.It's quite funny to watch as of course it's not occurred to some that eventually most of the human race finds itself on a par height wise as adults.Quite a bit of the social hierarchy among teenagers shifts about at this point.The story of the ugly duckling becomes quite apposite for some.

It's at this point that bullies start abusing younger members of the school sadly.

However that's in your future and you need help now.

You must NOT hit anyone.EVER.

Report everything to someone so that the adults in your life know what's going on.Your HOY is the best person because they will actually know by now who are the real bullies and whom are victims.Make sure however that you NEVER,EVER respond with any violence or insults of your own at any point.Dignified and adult is more likely to get any adult on your side.

Only you can decide how often to complain but I would try and make sure that any threats of violence and incidents of violence are witnessed by others whom will be on your side or will be truthful.

Lastly IF you are physically attacked by all means defend yourself and beat the sh*t out of them as much as possible while you can but don't go too far.It would be better to try and avoid being anywhere remote and out of sight of adults.

Halcyon · 10-10-2006, 20:09

I think it would be a good idea telling your head of year or teacher about this.
If you feel uneasy going up whilst in front of everyone, ask if you can have a word at lunch or after school.

Does your school have a councilor at all? May be you could speak to them about it. It is normally in strict confidence.

Good luck

**Maggy J** · 10-10-2006, 20:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by Halcyon

I think it would be a good idea telling your head of year or teacher about this.
If you feel uneasy going up whilst in front of everyone, ask if you can have a word at lunch or after school.

Does your school have a councilor at all? May be you could speak to them about it. It is normally in strict confidence.

Good luck

Actually you could try talking to any teacher whom you trust.If they are in your class then maybe not your tutor but anyone with whom you get on well and they are not likely to see because they don't attend the same classes.