To all the Dads out there

Halcyon · 29-09-2006, 10:54

Just wondering what you felt like when you found out you were going to be a parent and have a new child enter your life. I'm thinking more about the first child born.
How did it change you ? Do you think it was the right time ?
Did it cause stress in your relationship ?
I'm wondering just how much of an impact it has on you.
Sure, it's going to take up more time and need attention, but is it how most People say and it is like giving up your life forever ?

Surely it doesnt stop you from doing everything does it ?

You may wonder why I am asking such a question. It's becuase with some friends we were talking and a lot of the girls said they loved having children and the guy's were not that bothered on the subject.
I however thought it was something important and something that one day I want to experience. I guess I just started thinking about the whole thing and wanted to know how much it changes you. In a good way or bad way.

Thanks,

Halcyon.

Nugget · 29-09-2006, 11:00

Well, speaking purely for myself, Mrs Nug telling me that she was pregnant was one of the best moments of my life (although it didn't help that I'd been ranting about work for half an hour before she could get a word in

). The only better moment that I can think is when Babty Nug was actually born, and I held him for the first time - big strong Nug doesn't mind admitting that there was a little moisture in the eye at that moment

There's no getting away from the fact that it is life-changing - you can't just swan off out whenever you feel like it (particularly if, like us, most of your family lives away, so there's no-one to baby-sit) but trust me, when your baby smiles at you for the first time, it's all worth it

Right, after that show of softiness, I'm off to start a fight with someone (just to reassert my manliness, of course

)

**Russ B** · 29-09-2006, 11:05

I absolutely bricked it. I didn't want a kid, I had the option of taking a job in America and I was going to persue it in an effort to run away from it all.

So basically I acted like a right shallow sack of ****.

I was worried what my family would say, I really didn't think I was ready for the responsibility, but after a few days I came around to the idea. She wanted to abort, I asked her not to be so hasty. As time went on I felt more comfortable with the idea. I started seeing blokes around town walking with their kids, having fun with them, playing with them, and I started to think about my own childhood and thought how nice it would be to give the amount of love and happiness I had from my own father to a child.

After a few months I was getting really excited but that could not prepare me for the outpouring of emotion I went through when Alyssa was born. I honestly believe you can't describe it. I started to realise how dangerous the world is - I became very protective and even a little jealous if another bloke played with her.

I know the maternal bond is strong but the paternal equivalent is not far behind IMO.

---------- Post added at 11:05 ---------- Previous post was at 11:04 ----------

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nugget

Right, after that show of softiness, I'm off to start a fight with someone (just to reassert my manliness, of course

)

I'll join you Nugg for some lager, fighting and rugby

Nugget · 29-09-2006, 11:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by Russ D

I'll join you Nugg for some lager, fighting and rugby

Well, I'm more of a bitter and football man myself, but the fighting's definitely on

foreverwar · 29-09-2006, 11:12

Best thing in the world that happened to me. It's a completely different sort of "love" that you feel for your partner - this little thing is part of you, and is totally dependant on you.

I was happy when I found out my wife was pregnant (both times) and was at the birth of both kids - tears flowed copiously, and I am not ashamed to admit it.

It just get's better as they get older (it gets a bit rough sometimes round the mid-teens, but that's a boundaries thing, on both sides) - my daughter has just left for Uni, and there is a huge gap in my life; they have to grow up and leave home, but, God, it hurts.

I would die for my wife, but I would kill for my children.

Anyway, see you guys at the bar for some beer, where we can discuss rugby (and football, Nug), and punch each other's shoulders in a manly way.

Halcyon · 29-09-2006, 11:14

Ah, Thanks for sharing your thoughts guy's. I'll let you all hit the pub now it's Friday.

It must be such an awesome feeling knowing that both of you created a new life.
Although it must be a lot of work, I seem to be sensing that it is worth it 100% when they are born and you see how they grow up.

foreverwar · 29-09-2006, 11:15

We've got kids - we don't go to the pubs at opening time anymore (well, not very often

)

Nugget · 29-09-2006, 11:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by foreverwar

We've got kids - we don't go to the pubs at opening time anymore (well, not very often

)

Opening time??!! Don't you know that 24 hour supermarkets were specifically invented for parents to be able to get beer on the offchance that little people actually go to sleep?

EBO48 · 29-09-2006, 11:29

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nugget

Opening time??!! Don't you know that 24 hour supermarkets were specifically invented for parents to be able to get beer on the offchance that little people actually go to sleep?

til the little darlings hear the phsst of the can opening

Nugget · 29-09-2006, 11:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by EBO48

til the little darlings hear the phsst of the can opening

Ah, got that one sussed - I just open 'em when I go outside for a fag. Mind you, having 50 fags a night's killing me

**David F** · 29-09-2006, 11:37

When I found out my ex wife was pregnant I thought omg 9 months of worrying hoping everythings ok hoping baby is normal.Then when she was born alarms rung and she was rushed out of the room and I was in such a mess but as soon as they bought her back and she had reacted to sound and light it was such a joyous moment.Then of course I realised the worry wasnt going to end after the birth and now the worry is there for life lol No one who isnt a parent can ever understand the undying love you feel for your child

**Graham M** · 29-09-2006, 11:40

I wouldn't have thought twice about having kids with my Ex-Girlfriend, but looking back, it's probably a good thing I didn't

**David F** · 29-09-2006, 11:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zeph

I wouldn't have thought twice about having kids with my Ex-Girlfriend, but looking back, it's probably a good thing I didn't

Well my ex wife cheated on me twice and turned my world upside down but I wouldnt change a thing cuz Bethia is my princess and I wouldnt be without her for anything

Orior · 29-09-2006, 11:55

The absolute high point in my whole life was when I was handed my first new born son. His eyes looking up at me, so helpless, so much part of me. I can honestly say I will never forget that moment.

**Chris** · 29-09-2006, 12:01

Bringing a child into the world, and into your life, will change you as much as you want it to change you. Your needs, and those of an infant, are very different. It all depends how much you are prepared to set your own priorities aside for the sake of theirs. Personally I believe you should lay down as much as you possibly can. I've tried to do this - I don't know how successfully, maybe he'll tell me one day - and my life has certainly been very different as a result.

I've never been one to worry much about things that are far off, so I didn't spend nine months fretting about becoming a dad. Then, when it happens, I was far too busy to have time to worry. We chose to follow a strict routine (with both our children) and this gives you very little time to worry about coping because you are just getting on and doing it.

Those first few months are so busy you really don't get much time to reflect. I find that it's only now I can look back and realise just how exhausted I sometimes was (and Mrs T had it far, far worse, I can tell you, breastfeeding at all times of day and night).

At the time, while you're permanently tired, things change so slowly that you don't always realise they are growing up. Then you look back and realise actually, it's going so incredibly fast. Our oldest is four years old and at nursery five mornings a week now.

This morning, while Mrs T was upstairs with our daughter, I heard his footsteps coming down the stairs and into our room. Then a little voice asked, "can I get in with you?" and the next thing he was lying in the bed next to me.

I still had my eyes shut, so he prodded my nose and said, "Wake up, daddy ... I'm going on the school bus today!"

I told him I was awake, and he said, "You have to open your eyes then."

Today was supposed to be his first trip to nursery on the school bus. We have been taking him ourselves for the first few weeks, but it's a 20-mile round trip, twice each morning, so we applied for a space on the bus instead. They agreed but didn't make clear at the time that the bus is very busy and wouldn't get him there until halfway through his session each morning. So, we didn't find out until we had been in the bus shelter for 20 minutes that there would be no bus, unless we wanted to wait another half an hour.

I told him we would have to drive because the bus was going to be very late. Of course, we had been building up this bus trip as a major exciting thing, so it was as if his universe imploded. There were lots of tears.

"But I wanted to go on the bus!" he bawled.

It was very tempting at that point to tell him not to be silly, to stop crying, it was only a bus, daddy's car would be just as good ... it's very easy to take that route and I've done it often enough. But this morning, I just sat him on my knee and held him while he cried, then when he had calmed down a little, tried to explain about the bus being very late. It took longer to do it that way, it didn't stop him crying immediately, and it meant I had to sit on an uncomfortable wooden bench with him on my knee for another couple of minutes. But sometimes you just have to remember that children see the world differently than grown-ups, and as they can't relate to you on your level, you have to relate to them on theirs.

Yes, it has changed me completely - and I love it. GTG, he's just come home from nursery.