Advice Please

**Graham M** · 14-06-2005, 20:30

Hi there; I have something on my mind and I was wondering if you guys can come up with any pearls of wisdom, it's quite personal so bear with me, im gonna be as open as possible.

I've known this girl for a year, in fact, I used to work with her, she's about the same age as me, actually a little bit older. Anyway, she had a big split with her Ex Boyfriend about 2 months ago, and I was the person there to help as her actual home is about 30miles away. She's known I've liked her for a long time and I know she likes me, so we've been "seeing" each other, bad phrase really as we've both been tied up with college work etc so have had long telephone conversations and MSN sessions. So she came down the other day and I was so happy to see her it was unbeleivable, i've never felt this way about anyone before and she likes me a lot too, the only problem really is that she's a bit sore from the relationship which ended badly so doesn't want a full blown relationship at the moment, so, we ended up in bed the other night and did what a boy and a girl usually do in bed and I lost my virginity to her, am I doing the right thing? If anything she seems very interested in me, I am just a bit wary because of course we're not actually properly going out at the moment, but what exactly is that? I hope to turn her around, can anyone offer me any advice or has been in a similar situation?

Bit of a ramble post I know but I'd like to get some thoughts on it.

Thanks Guys.

kronas · 14-06-2005, 20:35

you have to watch yourself, if it was a 'big split' then i suggest you keep things going for a bit longer then bring up the subject of you two possibly being a couple, if she is really interested in you as you say she is then you have to give her some space, but i suppose you should 'test the water' and see her reaction, make subtle hints to her.

after breakups some people want someone there just as a comfort thing, sometimes you can be used so i would be very careful.

danielf · 14-06-2005, 22:15

I agree with Kronas. Take it easy. Give her space, don't smother her. If you don't give her space, it is likely to be a short-lived affair.

Tuftus · 14-06-2005, 22:22

Well that is a difficult one Zeph...

What I mean to say is that there a several trains of thought on this one, some say a releationship based upon sex will never make it, but here I am 3 years down the line and well set with my fiance. Losing your virginity is a big step to some folk, I hope it went ok for you and felt 'ok', not being patronising but you just know when it feels 'right' and I hope it did.

My advice would be to take it slow, show here loads of respect (as I am sure you already do), be there for her and see what happens!

Hopefully this will come your way and will blossom!!!

Best of luck to you and do let us know how you both get on!!!

All the best,

Tuftus

Ramrod · 14-06-2005, 22:38

What Tuftus said!

.......always be a bit wary of someone on the 'rebound'.....but enjoy the relationship at the moment, in the present

Halcyon · 14-06-2005, 23:49

I'd say just make sure you take things slowly.
Obviously she likes you as you slept together and you know that both of you have feelings. Her mind may still be settling down from the break up so take things slow.
Make sure you are not too heavy, but at the same time dont back away totally. Gradually she will see that you are committed and sense the great things that both of you have.
Talk to her. Make sure she knows how important she is to you.

**Graham M** · 15-06-2005, 09:56

Thanks for the advice guys, any others?

Jules · 15-06-2005, 13:49

All you can do is take it day by day and see what happens and to be honest people have given such good advice in this thread there is not a lot I can add to it

kronas · 15-06-2005, 14:15

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zeph

Thanks for the advice guys, any others?

ive learnt one thing. if you start talking about relationships and go on those grounds do not put all your cards on one table, by that i mean dont let out everything you feel about her, even though you might not be drawing direct comparisons make sure your mind does not wander in to talking about you being in a relationship with her and how you feel, just say how you feel in general about a relationship and what it should be about.

not right now though, you need to become closer, judging by your initial post your quite close anyway.

etccarmageddon · 15-06-2005, 14:20

absolutely right Kronas - be careful you dont tell her 'you're mad about her' or similar as it scare her off. no-one wants it on a plate they want to fight for it.

play it cool.

tell her she's lucky to be with you cos you are sooo good looking! I've always found that as long as you keep her laughing she'll stick with you.

luftys · 16-06-2005, 14:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by etccarmageddon

no-one wants it on a plate they want to fight for it.

Yes right

you fight

I will have a platefull any day plus seconds

Angua · 16-06-2005, 16:40

1) Don't always expect to end up in bed together.
2) Keep talking
3) Laugh together
4) Keep talking
5) Find different things to do on a date (not always the cinema, pub or a meal)
6) Keep talking

fireman328 · 16-06-2005, 17:32

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zeph

Thanks for the advice guys, any others?

Make sure her ex does not know where you live !
I have been in the same situation and the ex and his brother were waiting for me one night.

etccarmageddon · 16-06-2005, 17:59

I've been there too Fireman. I dont understand why people want to get violent over a girl - it must be because she is a possession rather than someone they care about.

fireman328 · 16-06-2005, 20:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by etccarmageddon

I've been there too Fireman. I dont understand why people want to get violent over a girl - it must be because she is a possession rather than someone they care about.

I think it was wounded pride.......but it actually wounded me, I was putting cold compresses on my b**ls for a week. I got my own back though, I pi**ed in his scooter fuel tank.