Interesting night!

Escapee · 24-10-2004, 00:52

I had an interesting night....Well for me it was, excuse me because I have had a few beers.

I came out of the pub tonight and 3 teenagers shouted "whats your name" I said "Fred" They said "no one would be sad enough to call their son fred your surname is L*******"

I turned around at this point, and they said "Your name is Kevin"

I said "how do you know that"

One said "cos I'm your daughter"

This was unfortunately followed by a very long conversation explaning to this sixteen and a half year old girl that I had been to court and obtained a DNA test, and I was not possibly her father.

I had alwasy dreaded this incident, as her mother still continued to insist that I was her father. I have offered to show her the results of the DNA test but she was very emotional and kept shouting "as far as I'm concernjed my father is dead"

She calmed down after a while and asked me lots of questions, and kept asking me who her father was. She seems very annoyed with her mother and believed what I was telling her without seeing the results of the DNA test which I have offered to show her. She accepts grudgingly that I am not her father but said she will always consider me as her father because her mother has told her I am for all these years.

I am in a no win situation, I tried to explain that it was not simply a matter of her mother getting pregnant and me not wanting to know, it was more a case of the relationship finishing and me bumping into her pregnant mother months later. I recieved a court summons when the child was 3 years old, and had to spend about 1200 to prove that I was innocent, I never recieved a penny back because the mother was getting legal aid.

I am now in the situation where a 16+ year old girl considers me as her father even though I have 100% proof I am not.

I have had years of hassle over this, and much slagging off even though I am innocent.

Escapee · 24-10-2004, 01:10

Update:

I have just received a call from the young girl. (gave her my number)

She now wishes to meet me tomorrow to see the results of the DNA test, fortunately I have kept them at hand all these years as I expected a knock on the door.

I also spoke to her mother who is clearly not very happy, she has been lying to her daughter all these years and is now still saying I am the father. There were two other names at the time of suspects but I was the only one with a job and prospects, so I guess thats why I was the chosen one!

I am meeting her at 11am today to show her the DNA results, it will be a bit awkward and her mother made a comment saying she thought I would of thoewn them away by now!

I think she was hoping that I had done that, so her daughter wouldn't believ me.

She seemed like a nice girl, not like her mother and I have been dreading this for a long time, I knew it would happen one day and I wasn't sure how to handle it without upsetting the girl. if she was my daughter I would of put my hand up and ensured she was broughyt up correctly, unfortunately I seem to of caused a lot of friction between her and her mother now she sees that her mother has been lying to her all these years.

I even tried to stick up for her mother after all the hassle she put me through, all the nasty phone calls and all the poeple going into the shop where my mother worked saying I was a bas***d for not sticking by my child.

It has taken sixteen and a half years for this child to know the truth about me, I feel sorry for her but on the other hand I am relieved that I have spoken to her and the truth is out!

kronas · 24-10-2004, 01:21

sorry to hear about your situation, when you do meet up with her and show her the results just take care of her, consol her, try and be a freind rather than be someone who may feel angry and tell her to f*** off (not that i expect that from you) but things can get heated, just calmly and deeply explain to her the situation with her mother, the lies she has been telling her and just be there for her, even though shes not yours shes a human being, if she is as nice as you say she is she then she atleast deserves to be shown some kindness and fair treatment from you.

Escapee · 24-10-2004, 01:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by kronas

sorry to hear about your situation, when you do meet up with her and show her the results just take care of her, consol her, try and be a freind rather than be someone who may feel angry and tell her to f*** off (not that i expect that from you) but things can get heated, just calmly and deeply explain to her the situation with her mother, the lies she has been telling her and just be there for her, even though shes not yours shes a human being, if she is as nice as you say she is she then she atleast deserves to be shown some kindness and fair treatment from you.

i think I have already been through that stage with her, I explained that I was dreading actually explaining to her the situation. She said she belives me because I told her we went to court when she was 3 yeas old and her mother said 7 years old. I think she can see her mother has told many lies, but I told her I was willing to meet the 2 of them and I didn't want her to fall out with her mother. I said I think her mother was under a lot of pressure at the time to name the father and once she named me it was difficult to go back because it would make her look like a bit of a slapper if she really didn't know.

I have been dreading this for a long time, and what made it worse was her remembering em visiting to try and sort things out once and for all when she was about 4-5 years old, because I visited she took that as proof that I was her father.

Unfortunately this will probably drive a wedge between her and her mother because she cannot tell the truth, its very disturbing though for the girl to say she will always consider me to be her father when it has been proved beyond doubt thatI am not.

It is lucky (no dure if thats teh right word) that I have kept a copy of the DNA est to hand, I was able to come into the house and put my hand on it within 5 minutes, as I always expected to do at short notice one day.

What made it worse, was I thought the three girls were trying to chat me up as I left the pub, it all happened after another one had approached me and announced she was a young cousin of mine..... I feel very old!

kronas · 24-10-2004, 01:48

its a sticky situation, but i think meeting the young girl one on one and explaining in your words and providing the necessary proof at the meeting to prove that your are not her father should give her the impitus to finally accept the fact you are not who she thinks you are, yes it will cause friction between her and the mother but its not your fault, so you should not worry, just concentrate on the meeting, i know how difficult it is, just stay calm and explain clearly.... if she is wise she will accept what you say.

report back on what happens.

Richard M · 24-10-2004, 04:03

Quote:

Originally Posted by Escapee

I had an interesting night....Well for me it was, excuse me because I have had a few beers.

I came out of the pub tonight and 3 teenagers shouted "whats your name" I said "Fred" They said "no one would be sad enough to call their son fred your surname is L*******"

I turned around at this point, and they said "Your name is Kevin"

I said "how do you know that"

One said "cos I'm your daughter"

Call me stupid or something but I kind of lost the story there...
So how exactly does a girl come out with "I'm your daughter?" in a street on a Saturday night?

Ramrod · 24-10-2004, 08:29

Much weirdness

Maby the mother really does believe you are the father?

skyblueheroes · 24-10-2004, 08:44

Wierd night indeed.

Sounds like the girl needs a bit of understanding and support though. I'd try to help her and hold her hand through it all.

If you think about it, she's been lied to by her mum all her life, and now the person she thinks is her father, isn't. She's only 16, so its still an early age and you have to hope that something like this won't send her on a downward spiral.

Hope it goes okay anyway.

Escapee · 24-10-2004, 09:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by Richard M

Call me stupid or something but I kind of lost the story there...
So how exactly does a girl come out with "I'm your daughter?" in a street on a Saturday night?

Quite easy really I suppose!

As I said I left the pub and three teenagers shouted after me and caled me by name, one walked off in the other direction shouting "my fathers dead as far as I'm concerned"

It didn't take much for me to put 2 and 2 together after all the hassle I have had over the years from this situation.

I have noticed that one of her mothers friends, the one who was originally the cause of the paternity case going to court has been drinking in my local for the past few saturday nights. It wouldn't take a genius to thnk she has probably told the young girl that I am there on a Saturday night, and thats why she was waiting outside with two friends. I mentioned her mothers friend in conversation and it was obvious from her reply that they are still fairly close friends, so my suspicions are probably right.

The difficult bit was the girl asking me who I thought her real father was!
To make things worse she even put my number in her mobile as "Dad", luckily I have all the court, solicitors documentation and the correspondance from Cellmark Diagnostics who carried out the DNA tests back in July 1991. I also have the letter from her mothers solicitor dropping the case when they got the DNA results. I have photocopies stapled together that were at hand waiting for this day to happen.

I haven't seen the mother for many years, from what I gathered last night the mother has been living with someone who has recently died and the girl was brought up by this man but always considered me to be her father, and she couldn't understand why I wanted nothing to do with her.

It's a very difficult situation, I am sympathetic but on the other hand my family has suffered years of hassle because the woman kept saying I was the father. My mother suffered because people kept going into the shop where she worked telling her I was a b*****d for not having anything to do with my daughter. On one occassion a woman in my local who I had been chatting to and got friendly with over many weeks took an instant dislike to me, all because she had been informed that I was a nasty guy who was dis-owning his daughter.

I hope this can now be put to rest, her mother when presented with the facts has claimed that I bribed the doctor, judges and solicitors!
This woman was not exactly faithfull and there were always two other guys in the frame, but they were layabouts with no jobs or prospects.

I think the mother was under pressure to name the father and she picked me out of the hat, it was then difficult to go back on her words as it would make her look like what she really was.....Trollop.

rant over

24-10-2004, 09:21

Jesus

I hope everything works out for you mate, your ex sounds like she needs help for telling her daughter all those lies for so many years on top of trying to trap you.

Escapee · 24-10-2004, 09:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nidge

Jesus

I hope everything works out for you mate, your ex sounds like she needs help for telling her daughter all those lies for so many years on top of trying to trap you.

Thats women for you!

**Russ** · 24-10-2004, 09:46

Awful situation for all concerned. I wonder how the mother is going to resct when she sees the evidence?

Escapee · 24-10-2004, 10:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by Russ D

Awful situation for all concerned. I wonder how the mother is going to resct when she sees the evidence?

Her mother saw the evidence back in July 1991 and thats why she withdrew the paternity case against me!

She has ben going around all these years telling everyone including her daughter that I am the father, without being too cruel its fair to say I was not the only guy involved with this woman at the time.

I didn't realise at the time but a few other guys were also having a dabble

**Damien** · 24-10-2004, 10:45

Well shes about to get found out and experance what happens to lying morons when you show the DNA test it will show 100% that she is a lier

Escapee · 24-10-2004, 11:29

Quote:

Originally Posted by Damien

Well shes about to get found out and experance what happens to lying morons when you show the DNA test it will show 100% that she is a lier

Yes, just got back from the meet. (only 3 mins walk up the road)

I handed over a copy of the DNA results and solicitors letters about the case being dropped. She queried the 1991 test date because she would of been 3 years old, she remembers going for blood tests when she was 7 yrs old.

It looks like the mother has tried someone else since

I think she's off home now to beat her mother around the head with a big stick, her friend last night even said "I cant understand how someone like you got involved with Claires mother"

I hope I have now heard the last of the matter, I hope the mother now comes clean and tells everyone the truth. Although I doubt very much if she will.