Parents - Luminary or Liability ?

[basa]

I fell out with my parents 10 years ago and have never spoken to them (or my siblings) since, whilst my partner was 'invited' to leave home at 16 !

Neither set of 'parents' have ever baby sat our children, provided moral support or assisted us financially, we never visit them nor they us.

As a child I do not recall any one to one 'play' or help with schoolwork, I was rarely asked an opinion on family matters - children were 'seen not heard'. My parents felt they and only they had a right to dictate my life decisions, I was never offered impartial advice. My partner suffered both physical (not intimate) and psychological abuse from her parents, siblings and at school.

We all find it difficult to make (or even want to make) real, close friends. But do we really need them ?

Although I must stress I don't feel regret for this situation (c'est la vie), I feel I probably have missed out on a lot, my partner and my children are alone in the world. But on the other hand we have no ties and no obligations to anyone except our own immediate family. Any decisions we make are totally our own and are made solely to suit our own needs. We have managed to run our lives satisfactorily so far with out outside help.

Are you close to your family ? How does this affect your life and life decisions ? Do you sometimes wish you could run your own life without reference to any one else outside your own (i.e. parner and kids) family or do you rely on extended family support ? Do you feel better or worse off being close or not close to you parents or siblings ?

[Ramrod]

imo it's tragic if families fall out and don't communicate for years like this. We only have one set of parents and I wasn't lucky enough to even have siblings.
Once they die, they are gone forever so we should make the most of them while we have them around.

[Maggy J]

I too am alone family wise apart from an older sister but due entirely to most of my family dying before I was 24.Yes it has been hard(no immediate baby sitters etc)BUT I do have the one advantage.I will not see my parents dwindle into old age and infirmity.No worrying about them being able to take care of themselves in their own home.No worrying that they are getting inadequate care while in a retirement/nursing home.

I have been spared all that.

However my children have only had one set of grandparents who because they were in Wales my children did/do not see them as often as I wished.They have missed out of the passing on of family history,culture and wisdom(what teenager listens to their parents) which I feel is their true heritage.However I do have strong memories of my own early family life and this is perhaps what I should remember and try to pass to my own children.

AS for close personal friends I too don't have many of those.I reckon that the friends are the ones we can manage to keep connected to.The problem is with some friends that you have to do all the running if they move away or you move.Not many of my friends bothered after I or they were out of sight.Yes I have tried to keep in contact but eventually it becomes one sided.So I reckon that if you have kept connected to a mere handful of friends you are doing well.

I think I'm just too self reliant for friends myself. I learned to stand on my own two feet at 13 when my father died and I just have broad shoulders when it comes right down to it.If I want advice I talk to my elder sister sometimes who frankly is probably my closest friend.There is nothing I can't discuss with her.She too has been on her own so to speak for a very long time.She left home at 17 after a blazing row with my mother but managed to patch things up eventually.My father wasn't about to lose his bright smart daughter that easily.

Personally I think it is best to have as few regrets as possible or you end up losing it and wallowing in misery.What's past is past and time to look to the future.After all you can't undo the past but you can weave the future.

[zoombini]

My father once fell out with his brother, took 10 years before they got back together.

Now he's a pain in that bottom, always telling me to contact my brother/sisters etc. Its very annoying, especially when they don't contact us & I have no desire to.

[basa]

Originally Posted by Incognitas

<snip>What's past is past and time to look to the future.After all you can't undo the past but you can weave the future.

Obviously it is age (sorry Icog !) that brings us wisdom. Another insightful post

Between you and OB we have all we need for an agony column (forum).

You can choose your friends.

You may even be able to choose your enemies.

But you can't choose your family...!!!

[basa]

Originally Posted by Graham

<snip>But you can't choose your family...!!!

But maybe you can choose not to be a part of it ??