Gay men and children

[greencreeper]

Ages ago Electrolyte needed help with a Linux issue so I added him to my MSN list, and we still chat. I've often wondered what his parents would make of him chatting to a much older gay man. Would they think I was trying to seduce him? Would they worry that their perfect son had strayed onto the wild side - and blame me for leading him there?

So, any thoughts? Would you feel uneasy about your teenage son talking to an, er, old puff? What if the leader of the youth group or art teacher was gay - would being able to talk to the person and see him make any difference? What about gay men adopting children - is that appropriate or do think a female is needed? Why do you think there are issues, or am I being paranoid and in reality there are none?

Say what you think and feel, not what you're supposed to think and feel

[Damien]

I reakon it depends on the parents and if they are anti-gay or not, a lot of people will act like they dont care but will reveal that they do actually feel un-easy about the 'gay' thing.

My Mum would be uneasy and my dad wouldnt care for example but a llot of the parents who are deeply intrenched in their views would propely be uneasy/angry (and that would be a large number of parents)

The problem is that a lot of parents in the current climite and fear from the media would be very uneasy about their child speaking to a older man on the internet anyway, let allone a man who is gay.

Teachers and leaders shouldnt matter if they are gay or not as for the parents thing i think thats a gray area. Although gay parents should be allowed to have children as long as they dont force their lifestyle on the child.

[Escapee]

Originally Posted by greencreeper

Ages ago Electrolyte needed help with a Linux issue so I added him to my MSN list, and we still chat. I've often wondered what his parents would make of him chatting to a much older gay man. Would they think I was trying to seduce him? Would they worry that their perfect son had strayed onto the wild side - and blame me for leading him there?

So, any thoughts? Would you feel uneasy about your teenage son talking to an, er, old puff? What if the leader of the youth group or art teacher was gay - would being able to talk to the person and see him make any difference? What about gay men adopting children - is that appropriate or do think a female is needed? Why do you think there are issues, or am I being paranoid and in reality there are none?

Say what you think and feel, not what you're supposed to think and feel

Yes, I would be worried about my son speaking to a much older gay man. I have not avoided the question and hope you dont take offence at my honest answer.

On the other hand I can see it from your point of view, just because you are interested in men doesn't mean you fancy every man or young boy. It's just the same that I dont fancy every woman I see walking down the street.
I am always uneasy about the subject and wouldn't get too involved in a project with the scouts because it is the route taken by males looking for childre. I also refused to look after a former girlfriends daughter whilst she went out for the night, because I would never want to be wrongly accused of anything like that.

I was in a situation towards the end of last year when a gilfriend dumped me and said she couldnt trust me because I was not religious and may interfere with her two young daughters like Ian Huntley did!
I was shocked, and don't know how she could of come to this conclusion, then I wondered if it was because I'm in my late 30's never been married and I am living alone. I suppose it could make some people wonder about me, and quite frankly I can understand it.

I suppose the situation could be classed as similar, perhaps someone such as yourself who is obviously very open is actually safer than someone who is not so open.

For the record, I am straight and honest. There was absolutely no reason for the things the woman said, I never actually met her kids for her to come to any conclusions.

[Russ B]

I don't think a straight male is any more at 'risk' (for lack of a better word) of being seduced by an older gay man than a young female would be from an older straight bloke. In the instance of the Youth Leader, as long as he/she had completed a disclosure form from the local police to say they had no convictions then I guess it wouldn't bother me too much.

[Bifta]

Originally Posted by greencreeper

Say what you think and feel, not what you're supposed to think and feel

I think it depends on the person they're conversing with, personally I wouldn't want my children conversing with you, but that's nothing to do with your sexual preferences, I just find you a little creepy and would worry for their safety, gut feeling of course, nothing I can substantiate or argue.

[greencreeper]

Originally Posted by Damien

I reakon it depends on the parents and if they are anti-gay or not, a lot of people will act like they dont care but will reveal that they do actually feel un-easy about the 'gay' thing.

My Mum would be uneasy and my dad wouldnt care for example but a llot of the parents who are deeply intrenched in their views would propely be uneasy/angry (and that would be a large number of parents)

The problem is that a lot of parents in the current climite and fear from the media would be very uneasy about their child speaking to a older man on the internet anyway, let allone a man who is gay.

Teachers and leaders shouldnt matter if they are gay or not as for the parents thing i think thats a gray area. Although gay parents should be allowed to have children as long as they dont force their lifestyle on the child.

I'd rep you for the depth of perception but this flaming thing won't let me

I can't disagree with anything you say - particularly the opening statement. Even my own mum pretends to be fine about my sexuality but she's not really. I think she pretends partly because she feels (being educated and intelligent) that she should, and partly because it's a mum's job to love regardless.

Being gay isn't a lifestyle BTW - we don't choose. If we did most of us would be straight I think you meant sexuality, and I'm not sure you can make someone gay - or straight for that matter. They might be able to pretend but it's tremendously damaging.

[Macca371]

To be completely honest if my parents found out that I talked to an old gay man, I guess I don't think they'd approve but I guess that all parents would have some sensitivity and protection in this way? I don't think there's anything homophobic about it, if I was female and was talking to an old heterosexual man I guess they would be just as sensitive. I think it's also the 'perverted' image which is often wrongly associated with the internet and people who communicate on it, I think this is because there have been so many negative reports about chatting on the internet and it is an unsure environment.

I used to have extra french lessons after school because I was taking the subject earlier and my teacher was openly gay and is in his forties. My parents had no problem with that.

I couldn't care less. I never respect anybody any less because of their sexuality.

[Ramrod]

I would allow it but I would also seek out some way to 'check up' on the conversations from time to time (keystroke logger or something) to see if things were taking any 'undesirable' turns. I know it's deceitful, sneaky and underhand but when it comes to protecting my kids I have no shame

[Damien]

Originally Posted by greencreeper

I'd rep you for the depth of perception but this flaming thing won't let me

I can't disagree with anything you say - particularly the opening statement. Even my own mum pretends to be fine about my sexuality but she's not really. I think she pretends partly because she feels (being educated and intelligent) that she should, and partly because it's a mum's job to love regardless.

Being gay isn't a lifestyle BTW - we don't choose. If we did most of us would be straight I think you meant sexuality, and I'm not sure you can make someone gay - or straight for that matter. They might be able to pretend but it's tremendously damaging.

I mean that sex education should not be affected by the parents, gay or not. Gay parents should in no way make their children think that being gay is what they should be. And also straight parents should not force their children to be straight nor should they make them feel ashamed if they do turn out to be gay

[Russ B]

Originally Posted by Damien

I mean that sex education should not be affected by the parents, gay or not. Gay parents should in no way make their children think that being gay is what they should be. And also straight parents should not force their children to be straight nor should they make them feel ashamed if they do turn out to be gay

As a parent, you do what you feel is best for the child.

[greencreeper]

Originally Posted by Escapee

Yes, I would be worried about my son speaking to a much older gay man. I have not avoided the question and hope you dont take offence at my honest answer.
<snip>

No offence. I hear what you're saying - I feel the same. It's a shame society, largely due to the media, now has a culture of fear regarding men and children. We shouldn't feel afraid, nor should we automatically come under suspicion, but sadly we do.

Originally Posted by Bifta

I think it depends on the person they're conversing with, personally I wouldn't want my children conversing with you, but that's nothing to do with your sexual preferences, I just find you a little creepy and would worry for their safety, gut feeling of course, nothing I can substantiate or argue.

Er, right. Do you feel able to elaborate on the "creepy"?

Originally Posted by Macca371

I think it's also the 'perverted' image which is often wrongly associated with the internet and people who communicate on it, I think this is because there have been so many negative reports about chatting on the internet and it is an unsure environment.

Good point. Again it's the media - there's a perv waiting behind every MSN conversation, and lurking in every chatroom. Utter nonsense but since when did the truth count for anything?

Originally Posted by Ramrod

I would allow it but I would also seek out some way to 'check up' on the conversations from time to time (keystroke logger or something) to see if things were taking any 'undesirable' turns. I know it's deceitful, sneaky and underhand but when it comes to protecting my kids I have no shame

Without criticism, and I understand what you're saying, but do you not think it would be better to trust your kids to come to you if there was a problem, rather than showing them mistrust by monitoring them?

[Damien]

Originally Posted by Ramrod

I would allow it but I would also seek out some way to 'check up' on the conversations from time to time (keystroke logger or something) to see if things were taking any 'undesirable' turns. I know it's deceitful, sneaky and underhand but when it comes to protecting my kids I have no shame

You can get MSN to save conservations into a folder of your choice, so just get msn to save it into a folder located on your password.

Again i think that the fact the child is talking to a adult on the internet would be of far greater concern to most parents than if they are gay or not.

[greencreeper]

Originally Posted by Russ D

As a parent, you do what you feel is best for the child.

As a decent parent yeah. Chavs are proof positive that not all parents are decent. I think if you try hard to get it right and bring your kids up well, that's all that can be asked of you. But yeah - the first instinct should be to do what's best.

[Damien]

Originally Posted by greencreeper

As a decent parent yeah. Chavs are proof positive that not all parents are decent. I think if you try hard to get it right and bring your kids up well, that's all that can be asked of you. But yeah - the first instinct should be to do what's best.

Surely the best thing to do IS to to try as hard as possible to bring them up right, but i surpose its if you view being gay as 'wrong'.

Would you make a hard effort to make sure your child is not gay? more to the point, would you feel ashamed if they where?

[Ramrod]

Originally Posted by greencreeper

I'd rep you for the depth of perception but this flaming thing won't let me .

done.....