Everybody is a goth

[ZrByte]

Hello all, I got this form another board I visit and I got a chuckle out of it so I thought I would share it with you all....

Originally Posted by The other Forum I visit

read on... ----- Original Message -----
From: "Dark Child" <**************@hotmail.com>
Sent: Saturday, February 21, 2004 12:19 PM
Subject: If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord...


Salutations to all.

I am new to the group, so bear with me in my ignorance. Anyway, I have a rather humorous story to share with all of you.

(For any one that is easily offended by poking fun about Christianity, please do not continue.)

Yesterday my mom forcefully tagged me along to join her in going to much the dreaded Wal-Mart. As I approached the entrance, there was a woman that sought donations.

"Hello. I am with Belen's local Catholic school, and I was wondering if you may spare five dollars or more to help benefit a child that attends here," she greeted me. I had no intention to help support brainwashing of another poor child, but I realized that the school probably does not receive funding from the state. Consequently, proper resources are probably not available to the students that attend this school. Thus I reached into my pocket and placed two dollars in her hand.

"The minimum contribution is five dollars," she said to me as she grabbed the money.

"This is all I can give you right now. I'm sorry if it's not enough," I replied.

"You don't have it in your heart to help spread God's word?" she asked insistently. I was becoming annoyed with the fact that two dollars was not "enough" for her, and I told her something to the extent that if that was not enough, then I will gladly take my money back and use it elsewhere. With that, I proceeded into Wal-Mart.

My mom spends hours upon hours when she shops in Wal-Mart. Naturally, I assumed this woman would have left by the time my mother was through. However to my surprise, the woman remained in front of the entrance and was still requesting money. As my mom and I walked to our car, the woman stopped my mother and handed her a pamphlet. This pamphlet kept my mother and I amused for quite some time. This is what that pamphlet contained:



If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord.

Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:

-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.

-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires - promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little.

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-Masturbates

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

~St. Mary's Catholic Church

I got a few chuckles out of this, though when I thought about it afterwards the ignorance of some people is quite worrying.

EDIT: wasnt sure weather to put it in lifestyle (Since it concerns Religion) or Entertainment since its so damn funny

[Russ]

Now that is VERY daft - I know a few 'goth' Christians - smashing kids they are too

But telling someone what the minimum donation should be....hmmm....

[ZrByte]

Originally Posted by Russ D

Now that is VERY daft - I know a few 'goth' Christians - smashing kids they are too

But telling someone what the minimum donation should be....hmmm....

And I always thought beggars couldnt be choosers guess this woman didnt see that as the case.

This is one of my favorite lines

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)

[Maggy J]

Words fail me!!!Stupid woman.

How the heck she expects to get converts that way beats me.

[philip.j.fry]

Well I'm convinced, damn it means I'll have to do a colour wash now

.....if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:....

And to think all this time i was a Goth and didn't even realise......
A sinner maybe...... but a GOTH

[Russ]

Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically

Mazz...you've turned me in to a Goth!!

Originally Posted by Russ D

Mazz...you've turned me in to a Goth!!

I'd like to say this publically, for the sake of my unblemished reputation that i have never associated with that man!!

[Russ]

So 98% of the teenage population are gothic? Umm ok...

Well I'm not, about 30 of my friends arn't so that % is wrong.

[Theodoric]

The last Goth, or to be precise, the last recorded speaker of Gothic, was found in the Crimea sometime around the 15th century.

[philip.j.fry]

Originally Posted by Theodoric

The last Goth, or to be precise, the last recorded speaker of Gothic, was found in the Crimea sometime around the 15th century.

As in the Goth tribe. Goth also refers to part of Romanticism during the mid 19th century, then to the post-punk subculture during the late 70's/early 80's (which is still around) and now it's used to refer to the youth shock-rock culture.

[Jon M]

Originally Posted by Incognitas

Words fail me!!!Stupid woman.

How the heck she expects to get converts that way beats me.

Don't worry.. it's exactly the same as the text I've seen on another joke site (in fact it was used in the context then of having a stab at goths rather than christians) ... most likely a fabricated story to add to the humour.

Although I'm sure some very mis-guided christians out there are quite capable of producing something similar, unfortunatly.

-Frequently wears black clothing.

Yup

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

All the damned time

-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.

Not into makeup

-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols.

Would that include the black upside down cross I sometimes wear?

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

Have several of both

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

Deicide, cradle of filth, MM to name but a few

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

Damned right

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

Damned right

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
Ummm yup I'm into the occult and supernatural stuff

-Takes drugs.
Used too

-Drinks alcohol.
Yup siree

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
Have been in the past

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

Have done in the past and its actually a form of crying for help and taking the frustration out on yourself.

-Complains of boredom.
Most of the time yup

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
too little for me

-Is excessively awake during the night.
Yup I used to sleep during the day and stay up all night walking the streets and probably scaring the **** outa people

-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires - promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)

See above

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
Hey I'm a private person

-Spends large amounts of time alone.
Have been known too

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
Yeah I used to talk to evil spirits his initials were JC

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

**** yeah thats called being a teenager dumbass

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

Well you gotta grow up and take your life in your own hands

-Misbehaves at school.

Who doesnt at some point?

-Misbehaves at home.

Ditto

-Eats excessively or too little.

Excessively

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

Ermmm nope I used to eat steak that was how could you say, body temperature????

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
Erm nope not for me thanks

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

Man that MTV is sure evil

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

Errr yeah

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

Damn straight

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

Lol used to until I had a neck injury, its called moshing/headbangin

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
Not really

-Expresses an interest in sex.

That called natural behaviour

-Masturbates
Ditto

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
Nope not me

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

buddhism and philosophy are surely oin the edge when it comes to danger

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

Nope

-Claims to be a goth.

Er no never was never will be, goths are ridiculed by moshers. Yet I answered 5 or more of the above to be true.
What a croq of ****.