Adopting

Jerrek · 26-05-2004, 05:35

So now I'm thinking about the life, the universe, and everything, and how 42 would relate to it. I'm actually trying to imagine where I would see myself in 20 years time. That lead me to start thinking about a family and children.

I like large families. I used to wish having a few more brothers and sisters to terrorize. Provided I have the income, I would like to have more than just 3 or so kids. However, there is enough need in the world. I do want children of my own, but likewise adopting is something I'm considering.

I'm not a child psychologist and my knowledge in this area is limited. I'm merely wondering. Suppose you have 2 kids of your own, and each year after your second kid was born you've adopted one other baby (under 1 year of age) until you have 6 kids in total. Those 4 adopted ones are going to know, eventually, their brown eyes didn't come from my blue eyes.

So, when do you tell them? Do you let them figure it out first? How do you explain it to your own biological children? I mean, ideally you'd prefer not to make a distinction between the two, but knowing children, that is not going to be the case.

Anyone have any thoughts to consider?

Bex · 26-05-2004, 10:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jerrek

So now I'm thinking about the life, the universe, and everything, and how 42 would relate to it. I'm actually trying to imagine where I would see myself in 20 years time. That lead me to start thinking about a family and children.

I like large families. I used to wish having a few more brothers and sisters to terrorize. Provided I have the income, I would like to have more than just 3 or so kids. However, there is enough need in the world. I do want children of my own, but likewise adopting is something I'm considering.

I'm not a child psychologist and my knowledge in this area is limited. I'm merely wondering. Suppose you have 2 kids of your own, and each year after your second kid was born you've adopted one other baby (under 1 year of age) until you have 6 kids in total. Those 4 adopted ones are going to know, eventually, their brown eyes didn't come from my blue eyes.

So, when do you tell them? Do you let them figure it out first? How do you explain it to your own biological children? I mean, ideally you'd prefer not to make a distinction between the two, but knowing children, that is not going to be the case.

Anyone have any thoughts to consider?

sometimes having a combination of adopted and non-adopted (ie biological) children isn't such a good idea..... the adopted child can be left feeling totally pushed out. You might not intend to treat ur own a certain way but the adopted might still perceive that you are. a friend of mine went through this.

IMO i think the child should be told about being adopted from almost the first moment they can understand...that way theres no huge surprise in adolescence

26-05-2004, 10:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bex

sometimes having a combination of adopted and non-adopted (ie biological) children isn't such a good idea..... the adopted child can be left feeling totally pushed out. You might not intend to treat ur own a certain way but the adopted might still perceive that you are. a friend of mine went through this.

IMO i think the child should be told about being adopted from almost the first moment they can understand...that way theres no huge surprise in adolescence

On the flip side, it could make them feel part of a real family if adopted children are added to a family with biological children. I do agree i can be hard for the parents not to appear to have favourites, but it can be done and done well.

orangebird · 26-05-2004, 10:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by gary_580

On the flip side, it could make them feel part of a real family if adopted children are added to a family with biological children. I do agree i can be hard for the parents not to appear to have favourites, but it can be done and done well.

My friend is the only 'biological' child out of three in his family, both his younger sister and brother are adopted. If you didn't know the situation, you'd never dream they were not related by blood, and there is no difference in the way that his parents treat any of them.