How to write an apology

[Damien]

Jason Alexander made a joke abut cricket being a gay sport and mimicked some gestures that would be considered stereotypically 'gay'. Some of his Twitter followers were offended and he wrote this considered apology:

http://outsports.com/jocktalkblog/20...cricket-jokes/

Nice.

[Maggy J]

As you say Damien as apologies go that was one of the best.

[joglynne]

Agreed. So often we hear of apologies that just pay lip service to public concerns about what the offender has said or done. It's refreshing to read an apology that shows that the person concerned realises what they have done wrong and truly regrets their actions.

[martyh]

Not sure myself .it smacks of saying what is expected by the few people who where offended .What he should have done is either not done the routine in the first place or have the balls to defend it and dismiss the oversensitive people who claim to have been offended

[carlwaring]

I agree with marty. Some people are just waiting to be offended,, even on behalf of other people; which I find most objectionable. If you're offended, fine; and say so. But do not speak for other people. Sorry. Where were we....

Yes. What marty said

That said, I do agree with this bit.

But what we really got down to is quite serious. It is not that we can’t laugh at and with each other. It is not a question of oversensitivity. The problem is that today, as I write this, young men and women whose behaviors, choices or attitudes are not deemed “man enough” or “normal” are being subjected to all kinds of abuse from verbal to physical to societal. They are being demeaned and threatened because they don’t fit the group’s idea of what a “real man” or a “real woman” are supposed to look like, act like and feel like.

For these people, my building a joke upon the premise I did added to the pejorative stereotype that they are forced to deal with everyday. It is at the very heart of this whole ugly world of bullying that has been getting rightful and overdue attention in the media. And with my well-intentioned comedy bit, I played right into those hurtful assumptions and diminishments.

And he goes on to mention being bullied at school. So was I.

So yes, I can see how it might be offensive, but then it was only meant in jest so should be taken in that way.

[Hugh]

Erm, there is nothing in his statement to support your proposition that people had been offended on behalf of others - he spoke to his gay friends, who, after some discussion, came to the conclusion that

as we explored it, we began to realize what was implied under the humor. I was basing my use of the word “gay” on the silly generalization that real men don’t do gentile, refined things and that my portrayal of the cricket pitch was pointedly effeminate , thereby suggesting that effeminate and gay were synonymous.

But what we really got down to is quite serious. It is not that we can’t laugh at and with each other. It is not a question of oversensitivity. The problem is that today, as I write this, young men and women whose behaviors, choices or attitudes are not deemed “man enough” or “normal” are being subjected to all kinds of abuse from verbal to physical to societal. They are being demeaned and threatened because they don’t fit the group’s idea of what a “real man” or a “real woman” are supposed to look like, act like and feel like.

For these people, my building a joke upon the premise I did added to the pejorative stereotype that they are forced to deal with everyday. It is at the very heart of this whole ugly world of bullying that has been getting rightful and overdue attention in the media. And with my well-intentioned comedy bit, I played right into those hurtful assumptions and diminishments.

he, and they, came to the conclusion that re-informing negative stereotypes can hurt people.

Nice straw-man attempt, though....

[martyh]

Originally Posted by carlwaring

I agree with marty. Some people are just waiting to be offended,, even on behalf of other people; which I find most objectionable. If you're offended, fine; and say so. But do not speak for other people. Sorry. Where were we....

Yes. What marty said

That said, I do agree with this bit.



And he goes on to mention being bullied at school. So was I.

So yes, I can see how it might be offensive, but then it was only meant in jest so should be taken in that way.

That goes for everyone who may have ginger hair ,glasses ,limps,too short,too tall ,the list goes on .Humor is based on those differences and should not be taken personally .However picking those differences between people to hurt people is bullying and a totally different thing and should not be confused

[Damien]

Originally Posted by martyh

That goes for everyone who may have ginger hair ,glasses ,limps,too short,too tall ,the list goes on .Humor is based on those differences and should not be taken personally .However picking those differences between people to hurt people is bullying and a totally different thing and should not be confused

I think the effectiveness of the apology is how he highlights why there isn't a difference...

[carlwaring]

Originally Posted by Hugh

Erm, there is nothing in his statement to support your proposition that people had been offended on behalf of others...

That was a general, wider context, comment.

---------- Post added at 14:38 ---------- Previous post was at 14:36 ----------

Originally Posted by martyh

That goes for everyone who may have ginger hair ,glasses ,limps,too short,too tall ,the list goes on .Humor is based on those differences and should not be taken personally .However picking those differences between people to hurt people is bullying and a totally different thing and should not be confused

Indeed. And I say that as a short, not-particularly tight-fisted Yorkshireman

[Kymmy]

Originally Posted by martyh

However picking those differences between people to hurt people is bullying and a totally different thing and should not be confused

Who defines though what hurts people and what doesn't? We're all different in not only appearance, personalities and also what offends us.. Why should others have a license to get away with it and determine that their own style of humour is or isn't bullying??

I think you'll find that just about every humour based on our differences could be discussed to the same extent as to what they did and be found offensive. It might be a joke to some/most of us but to some out there it'll always be real life..

Having been on the end of quite a few lesbian and also female technician jokes the humour sometimes wears thin especially when if it's in a serious situation or aimed at individuals instead of generics

[martyh]

Originally Posted by Damien

I think the effectiveness of the apology is how he highlights why there isn't a difference...

As far as humor goes ,and lets face that is what we are talking about,there is a difference and comedians pick up on those differences to make others laugh .There are celebrities who use their own differences to make money ,Louie Spence is a good example ,he flaunts his own effeminacy to make money ,is he offending gay people by not being" manly" enough.Underneath the differences i agree we are all the same but that is not what humor is about



---------- Post added at 15:02 ---------- Previous post was at 14:51 ----------

Originally Posted by Kymmy

I think you'll find that just about every humour based on our differences could be discussed to the same extent as to what they did and be found offensive. It might be a joke to some/most of us but to some out there it'll always be real life..

Quite agree ,so what's he apologizing for .Must every comedian apologize at the end of their routine just in case someone analyzes the routine and says they are offended instead of taking the routine in context

[Kymmy]

Originally Posted by martyh

Quite agree ,so what's he apologizing for .Must every comedian apologize at the end of their routine just in case someone analyzes the routine and says they are offended instead of taking the routine in context

He's apologising because he's thought about it and felt the need to do so and hats off to him.. It's not been a forced apology nor has there been any call for all comedians to apologise for all of their jokes..

[martyh]

Originally Posted by Kymmy

He's apologising because he's thought about it and felt the need to do so and hats off to him.. It's not been a forced apology nor has there been any call for all comedians to apologise for all of their jokes..

He only apologized because some of his fans/followers on twitter said they where offended so he has rather cleverly used the opportunity to get his name in the papers .He may get a bit more respect if he just told those who where offended that they should direct their anger at those who set out to hurt gay people because they are gay and not at those who are just entertaining .I would be interested to know what humor you find funny and when you are sitting watching your chosen comedian/comedienne do they tell jokes that may offend a section of society ,i bet they do and i bet you laugh at them

[Maggy J]

Originally Posted by martyh

He only apologized because some of his fans/followers on twitter said they where offended so he has rather cleverly used the opportunity to get his name in the papers .He may get a bit more respect if he just told those who where offended that they should direct their anger at those who set out to hurt gay people because they are gay and not at those who are just entertaining .I would be interested to know what humor you find funny and when you are sitting watching your chosen comedian/comedienne do they tell jokes that may offend a section of society ,i bet they do and i bet you laugh at them

Are you being devils advocate or do you REALLY believe all that?

[martyh]

Originally Posted by Maggy J

Are you being devils advocate or do you REALLY believe all that?

I just wish comedians would grow a pair and stop apologizing everytime someone claims to be offended at their act ,it always sounds so false .He claims to have had an epiphany after a discussion with his friends, in which case his comic career just went out the window because he will find it very hard to have one without offending some people .....or is it the case that he cares only about gay people and not fat,short,ginger,etc,etc