Humour

[Womble]

Once upon a time it was resolved to have a boat race between Virgin Media engineers team and a team representing the contractor engineers. Both teams practised long and hard to reach their peak performance. On the big day they were as ready as they could be.
The contractors team won by a mile.
Afterwards the Virgin Media engineers team became very discouraged by the result and morale sagged. Senior management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, and a working party was set up to investigate the problem and recommend appropriate action.
Their conclusion was that the contractors team had eight people rowing and one person steering, whereas the Virgin Media team had eight people steering and one person rowing.
Senior management immediately hired a consultancy company to do a study on the team’s structure. Thousands of pounds and several months later they concluded that: “Too many people were steering and not enough rowing.”
To prevent loosing to the contractors the next year, the team structure was changed to three “Assistant Steering Managers”, three “Steering Managers”, one “Executive Steering Manager” and a “Director of Steering Services”. A performance and appraisal system was set up to give the person rowing the boat more incentive to work harder.
The next year the contractors won by two miles.
Following this Virgin Media management laid off the rower for poor performance, sold off all the paddles, cancelled all capital investment in new equipment, and halted development of a new canoe.
The money saved was used to fund higher than average pay awards to senior management.

[darkm]

how true.

[Rob]

Regrettably you could apply that analogy to most large organisations that are run by bean counters.

[Mick Fisher]

Originally Posted by Womble

Once upon a time it was resolved to have a boat race between Virgin Media engineers team and a team representing the contractor engineers. Both teams practised long and hard to reach their peak performance. On the big day they were as ready as they could be.
The contractors team won by a mile.
Afterwards the Virgin Media engineers team became very discouraged by the result and morale sagged. Senior management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, and a working party was set up to investigate the problem and recommend appropriate action.
Their conclusion was that the contractors team had eight people rowing and one person steering, whereas the Virgin Media team had eight people steering and one person rowing.
Senior management immediately hired a consultancy company to do a study on the team’s structure. Thousands of pounds and several months later they concluded that: “Too many people were steering and not enough rowing.”
To prevent loosing to the contractors the next year, the team structure was changed to three “Assistant Steering Managers”, three “Steering Managers”, one “Executive Steering Manager” and a “Director of Steering Services”. A performance and appraisal system was set up to give the person rowing the boat more incentive to work harder.
The next year the contractors won by two miles.
Following this Virgin Media management laid off the rower for poor performance, sold off all the paddles, cancelled all capital investment in new equipment, and halted development of a new canoe.
The money saved was used to fund higher than average pay awards to senior management.

Stop telling everyone how our management work. Next you will be telling them about all the new chairs

[NTLVictim]

Originally Posted by Bill C

Stop telling everyone how our management work. Next you will be telling them about all the new chairs

And then you'll get a verbal warning...

Originally Posted by NTLVictim

And then you'll get a verbal warning...

Do i look like i give a ****

[georgepomone]

Hi All,
thanks for the laugh I needed that,
George

[NTLVictim]

Rumour has it the chairs have a seat...is this where I disappear from the forum?

[tweetypie/8]

Originally Posted by Womble

Once upon a time it was resolved to have a boat race between Virgin Media engineers team and a team representing the contractor engineers. Both teams practised long and hard to reach their peak performance. On the big day they were as ready as they could be.
The contractors team won by a mile.
Afterwards the Virgin Media engineers team became very discouraged by the result and morale sagged. Senior management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, and a working party was set up to investigate the problem and recommend appropriate action.
Their conclusion was that the contractors team had eight people rowing and one person steering, whereas the Virgin Media team had eight people steering and one person rowing.
Senior management immediately hired a consultancy company to do a study on the team’s structure. Thousands of pounds and several months later they concluded that: “Too many people were steering and not enough rowing.”
To prevent loosing to the contractors the next year, the team structure was changed to three “Assistant Steering Managers”, three “Steering Managers”, one “Executive Steering Manager” and a “Director of Steering Services”. A performance and appraisal system was set up to give the person rowing the boat more incentive to work harder.
The next year the contractors won by two miles.
Following this Virgin Media management laid off the rower for poor performance, sold off all the paddles, cancelled all capital investment in new equipment, and halted development of a new canoe.
The money saved was used to fund higher than average pay awards to senior management.

nice one womble

[jc_150]

Hi all in the forum. This is a message for Womble. I enjoyed your post so much that I have modified the names to fit the company that I have just been made redundant from. Can I have permission to send it to a few ex work colleagues that would realy enjoy this, as obviously the work is yours and not mine.
still laughing
JohnC

[xpod]

I`ve no laughed so much since my granny caught her t*t in the mangle

Rock that boat.....

[Mick Fisher]

Originally Posted by xpod

I`ve no laughed so much since my granny caught her t*t in the mangle